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Building Bridges
Prayer
Dear God, I pray that You may help me to live without compromise - bring me through this incredibly humbling process. Amen.
Oh what I would do to have To step out of my comfort zone But the waves are calling out my name But the voice of truth tells me a different story Oh what I would do to have But the giant's calling out my name But the stone was just the right size I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy, you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me
Singing is beautiful. My singing is not beautiful, but singing is beautiful to me. It’s amazing how God can give us such a beautiful gift of music to express ourselves. Truly it’s something I love. Music :) Not rock or pop. I mean choral singing :) I love even those solo opera singers (okay minus out those who are overly vibrato…just those with a pure clean sound hehe). I am amazed how a group of people can come together to make music out of nothing. They are the instruments themselves. Choir is amazing :) I miss it truly. Come sing together with me!
Happy 20th birthday zelanie :)
I just wanted to record this down in memory.
It was really a great time of fellowship and worship and celebration in CG today.
Even though it is in the midst of exams, I was really truly touched that everyone was so willing to give their time... I sent out an email that CG would end at 9.30pm SHARP but no one really complained about the time...
I was really touched by that... and I really was touched by how God blessed the fellowship today... we really had so much fun today with the cake-smashing... and even Yi Xiu planned the birthday celebration so superbly well, from the cards to cake to affirmation...
I was really very touched also that God used me to lead worship today. I shared a word from Hebrews and it was actually in conjuction with the devotional passage today about Abraham and Sarah. And Juli also sent out a message to encourage everyone, which I didn't know so many people read as well... Funny how the verse was one that God prompted me to share quite a few times already but I only shared it today... and the funny thing was that the verses above the verses I wanted to share were indeed about Abraham and God's promise to bless him with many descendants, just as the devotional passage I chose was about. It's like wah, amazing coincidence.
But even while at the back of mind there screams a doubting voice saying "it's just a coincidence", I know that it definitely was not out of my own doing... and even zel was asking whether I planned it. and I was thinking "Yes of course I planned it"...I mean I was supposed to lead worship that week... and she went on to share about how God spoke to her about how she had been waiting on the wrong thing all this while even though she thought she was waiting on God... and I knew that I could have never had planned that because I never knew that part about her at all. I knew then it was the Lord.
But you know how our minds and hearts play tricks on us. I was really thinking for a while... is it really the Lord who did all this? Or is it just me who did it out of habit? or out of human competence? But then when I think about it again, I know that there were just too many factors in play for me to control and handle. I knew that the Holy Spirit and God's presence were in that room... yes and even God provided the room for us and we didn't have to sit in a mosquito-filled area + compete with another zai guitarist from another group...
I wanna thank God for mian as well who has been joining the cluster, CG and service on her own accord... I don't know what changed in her, but she has been coming without my asking... I truly thank God for that because I know that God lives in her somehow... not by my persuasive words at all but it's just so joyful seeing how she now is taking steps to take ownership of her spiritual walk.... I can see that she puts her hope in the Lord so much more than in the past... :)
Lord I want to be more humbled and to truly wait upon You. I thank You that during this exam period I still have much time to spend with you and talk to you. I am amazed because I did not have this peace with me during other exam periods. I truly thank You.
In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
Oh man. I'm just so glad that my marketing exam is finally over. I can't believe I went through 17 chapters in 1 day. I wasted 3/4 a pen ink refill. haha...
why is the world so broken?
stop breaking the world!!!
Selah.
Live like you know how to, according to the measure that you have received and learnt and heard. And the God of peace will be with you! :)
CHILDHOOD – Michael Jackson Have you seen my Childhood? People say I'm not okay Have you seen my Childhood? People say I'm strange that way Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for the world that I come from
'Cause I've been looking around
In the lost and found of my heart...
No one understands me
They view it as such strange eccentricities...
'Cause I keep kidding around
Like a child, but pardon me...
'Cause I love such elementary things...
It's been my fate to compensate,
for the Childhood I've never known...
I'm searching for that wonder in my youth
Like pirates in adventurous dreams,
Of conquest and kings on the throne...
Before you judge me,
try hard to love me,
Look within your heart then ask,
Have you seen my Childhood?
'Cause I love such elementary things,
It's been my fate to compensate,
for the Childhood (for the Childhood) I've never known...
I'm searching for that wonder in my youth
Like fantastical stories to share
The dreams I would dare, watch me fly...
Before you judge me,
try hard to love me.
The painful youth I've had…
Heal The World – Michael Jackson Spoken by child: There's a place in your heart There are ways to get there Heal the world If you want to know why Then it feels that always Heal the world And the dream we were conceived in We could fly so high We could really get there Heal the world Heal the world Heal the world we live in
'Think about the generations, and say we wanna make it a better place for our children and our children's children, so that they... They, they... They know it's a better world for them. And think if they can make it a better place...'
And I know that it is love
And this place could be much
Brighter than tomorrow
And if you really try
You'll find there's no need to cry
In this place you'll feel
There's no hurt or sorrow
If you care enough for the living
Make a little space
Make a better place
Make it a better place
For you and for me
And the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place
For you and for me
There's a love that cannot lie
Love is strong
It only cares of joyful giving
If we try we shall see
In this bliss we cannot feel, fear or dread
We stop existing and start living
Love's enough for us growing
Make a better world
Make a better world
Make it a better place
For you and for me
And the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place
For you and for me
Will reveal a joyful face
And the world we once believed in
Will shine again in grace
Then why do we keep strangling life
Wound this earth, crucify its soul
Though it's plain to see
This world is heavenly
Be God's glow
Let our spirits never die
In my heart
I feel you are all my brothers
Create a world with no fear
Together we'll cry happy tears
See the nations
Turn their swords into plowshares
If you cared enough for the living
Make a little space
To make a better place
Make it a better place
For you and for me
And the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place
For you and for me
Make it a better place (Oh, my friends)
For you and for me
And the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place
For you and for me
You and for me
You and for me
Save it for our children
Thank You Lord for working in my family :)
Thank you thank you thank you :) for the many many many many many things...
slow and quiet.
Thank God that You are the Lord of all.
all-time fav song: You Raise Me Up :)
simply great song: You Were There :)
Dear God,
I know I am rather stressed. But I don't know if it's just because exams are near. I think it's been like that ever since ages ago, just that it has not been resolved. But stress makes it worse. I need to learn how to cope with this. I must have faith. Faith is pure. In faith, there is no longer fear. I have peace.
I pray that you will help me to sleep properly too. I don't like the dreams I have because they make me wake up feeling anxious. They reflect the fears I have, even though it may not be the real situation. And they're sure not about tearing up exam papers or about not finishing my revision for exams the next day. Somehow they are about people. All sorts of people. and I don't know why. Random? or is it really the exams?
Anyway I don't think it's really the content that matters. I just know that there's something I must learn - to manage my emotions in a way that is pleasing to God. God I really pray that you can help me to be an overcomer in this area. I cannot keep going on like that, otherwise it will only mean that I haven't fully learnt. I need a breakthrough!
God I thank You that You've helped me much in this area. I am coping with it much better already. I just pray that I will have another mini breakthrough during this exam period. and step by step I shall be an overcomer!
I really really thank You for my mum. She sure is a great encouragement and probably the greatest blessing I ever had and will ever have in my whole life. I need to become a better Christian, like she is.
Faith.
Not built upon shifting sands but upon a solid rock.
Shaken - so that what cannot be shaken will remain.
In Your name I pray,
Amen.
Dear Suet,
I miss you so much! I wish that we could come tgt to sing again... even if it's just 2 people... haha...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkuWlSioQpQ
It's the purity in their voices that lifts my heart upwards :) and maybe something else too... but these are one of the many things that don't need to be explained... just for us to take it all in with awe with a childlike heart... just like how we do for God's mighty love and beauty :)
I miss talking to you too...
----------------------------------------------------------
From Rick Warren:
When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do.
That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.
Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD.
Dear Lord,
May I have a heart transplant?
:D maybe a heartbeat transplant is good enough.
A stronger heart I need Lord. A heart that hides Your Word and keeps out all sin.
Lord You are GOOD.
Your love never fails.
Amen.
There is a difference between living for people and living for God.
Trying your best for God means trying your best for people, but trying your best for people does not mean trying your best for God.
Know that difference.
It sure is hard to live out, especially when trying your best for God means trying your best for people but your best just isn't people's best.
But the truth remains...and it's our choice to live it out as children of Christ.
:)
Last Year:
mum: who is the most important in your life?
me: erm...God
mum: it's your parents... even God does not do everything for you. Your parents are the ones who take care of you directly. we are the ones who take care of every single thing in your life.
Today:
mum: who is the most important in your life?
me: erm...God
mum: ya... your parents... and God...
Lead Me To The Cross
How can I be free from sin?
Lead me to the cross of Jesus
From the guilt, the power, the pain?
Lead me to the cross of Jesus
There's no other way
No price that I could pay
Simply to the cross I cling
This is all I need
This is all I plead
That his blood was shed for me
How can I know peace within?
Lead me to the cross of Jesus
Sing a song of joy again!
Lead me to the cross of Jesus
Flowing from above
All-forgiving love
From the Father's heart to me!
What a gift of grace
His own righteousness
Clothing me in purity!
How can I live day by day?
Lead me to the cross of Jesus
Following his narrow way?
Lead me to the cross of Jesus
Oh Lord. I sure feel like beating myself up. haha! The things that I do... goodness... I'm laughing at myself... This is stupid... Lord please let your will and not mine be done...
HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY FUNGMIN! :)
AND HAPPY 1ST SPIRITUAL BIRTHDAY SONGJUN! :)
Haha really feel very joyful for both of you on your special day! Fungmin I'm very encouraged to know that you are still faithfully serving God and His people... Keep on running till the end even though you may feel exhausted, for the Lord will sustain you as long as you are willing... Songjun I'm really inspired by your pure, childlike faith that has taken you so far...and look at you, God has even made you a shepherd of His flock... thank God for your heart, really! He will use you so much more greatly... :)
To Know Your Name
The precious blood of Jesus Christ redeems
Forgiven I'm alive restored set free
Your majesty resides inside of me
Forever I believe
Forever I believe
Arrested by Your truth and righteousness
Your grace has overwhelmed my brokenness
Convicted by Your spirit led by Your word
Your love will never fail
Your love will never fail
I know You gave
The word Your only Son for us
To know Your name
To live
He took my place
Knowing He'd be crucified
And You loved
You loved a people undeserving
1) King Nebuchadnezzar made a huge image of gold and summoned everyone to come to the dedication of the image.
2) He commanded that whoever did not fall down and worship will immediately be thrown into a blazing furnace.
3) There were 3 Jews - Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego - who refused to obey this command.
4) Nebuchadnezzar was furious with rage and summoned the 3 men before Him. He questioned them regarding why they did not serve his gods or worship the image that he set up. He threatened that they would be thrown into a blazing furnace and said "what god will be able to rescue you from my hand"?
5) The 3 men replied, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O King. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."
6) The 3 men were thrown into the fire for their disobedience towards the King.
7) The King leaped to His amazement when He saw that there were 4 men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looked like a son of the gods.
8) Then King Nebuchadnezzar said, "Praise be to the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednago, who has sent His angel and rescued His servants. They trusted in Him and defied the King's command and were willing to defy the King's commands and were willing to give up their lives rather than serve or worship any god except their own God. Therefore I decree that the people of any nation or language who say anything against the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednago be cut into pieces and their houses be turned into piles of rubble, for no other god can save in this way."
Amen :) No other god can save in this way. I will not give in to the pressures of this world and I will never bow down to another.
I thank God for the prayermeet today as well. It was only with 3 others, but God was with us. We didn't know each other much, but God was there in each and every one of our hearts.
God wants to ask: how willing are you to wait? I'm willing to wait until the day comes.
"But I tell you, in ths you are not right, for God is greater than man. Why do you complain to Him that He answers none of man's words? For God does speak - now one way, now another - though man may not perceive it." - [Job 33:12-14]
I desire many things. of this world. Yet I desire not to desire.
I don't want to desire anything at all. I only want to desire God.
I used to desire achievements. Now I just desire my relationship with You above all.
I used to desire to erase history and have a brand new start. Now I just desire to accept Your grace and start living life right with You.
I used to desire for everything to stop, for everything to end. Now I just desire to live a real life with You, my living God.
You are always in the equation. Nothing else is.
A pure heart for You, that's what I long for.
This is my desire
To honor You
Lord with all my heart
I worship You
All I have within me
I give You praise
All that I adore is in You
Lord, I give You my heart
I give You my soul
I live for You alone
Every breath I take
Every moment I'm awake
Lord, have Your way in me
sometimes I really don't know what to think...
...and these are times when I'm reminded of why I can't help but just stand before You in awe.
Your beauty is eternal. And it's not just a moment of amazement... it's beautifully logical. or is it logically beautiful?
In the midst of all confusion, You make all things clear again, whether we want to admit it or not.
Dear Lord I thank You for giving me such a firm rock upon which I can stand in unshakable faith. Yet, why do I step off the rock and walk away all too often?
This week is a crazy week. I'm still in the midst of it in fact. It's my management science mid-term tomorrow...and what am I doing on a blog. But I think I need to write down some thoughts.
I'm surprised at how I'm going through this week... God I'm truly amazed that I don't end up breaking down anymore. Maybe it's that I've given up and I don't want to care too much already because I know that if I involve emotions, it's too tiring and it'll wear me out completely. What's the point of going through it again and again and again? So I cut off the emotions... but in a way, I think I end up cutting myself off from talking so much to other people as well... I'm not too sure. If I had allowed my emotions to just flow freely, I would definitely have been caught up when people share stuff to me and all... but hey ok, I don't know. it's a good thing also la. I really think that God has given me strength and joy and peace and confidence in Him during this period. lol. ok. haha... I just feel very tickled by God now...k nvm. see la. getting emo already....... gosh it's one more lap.... one more lap to go till service.... huiying don't give up and don't give in to emotions. you still have 5 chapters to study GOSH. haha.
but wow Your joy is indeed my strength :) I love You Lord! <3
I realy pray to live a more consistent life.
Who compares to You?
Who set the stars in their place?
You who calmed the raging seas
That came crashing over me
Who compares to You?
You who bring the morning light
The hope of all the earth
Is rest assured in Your great love
You are magnificent
Eternally wonderful, glorious
Jesus, no one ever will compare
To You, Jesus
When the evening fades
You call forth songs of joy
As the morning wakes
We Your children give You praise.
You are magnificent
Eternally wonderful, glorious
Jesus, no one ever will compare
To You, Jesus
Jesus, no one ever will compare
To You, Jesus
No one ever will compare
To You, Jesus
Today I woke up at 11.30am -_-" I was feeling increasingly drained as the week went by. I guess I couldn't really sustain it any longer, with extra activities every single day (Monday celebrate Sida birthday, Tuesday choir concert, Wednesday celebrate Florence birthday, Thursday mini SMU Hope vday party, Friday gender focus group, Saturday service, tomorrow I have Biz Law meeting... goodness please find me some time to study... I didn't even list down everything... and I sure need some good rest and time to recharge before I even start studying right... I'm really not the kind that's full of energy and feeling UP all the time), moreover with the additional stress from the mere thought of what I would face next week. I was actually supposed to meet my caregroup at 11am at SMU today coz we wanted to go around to bless people with flowers that we made... But I think I was just too tired.
Sometimes I wonder if I should just push it coz I never know my real limit anyway... But ok I really need some time to myself... Frankly, I feel joyful when I give my time to people... But I feel very drained at the end of it... I think it's coz of my habit of thinking too much already. When I'm with another person, I can't help but not be able to fully concentrate on my own agenda. I am more concerned about what the other person might be thinking or feeling coz it's just in my character to do so. It might even be stressful coz I'd be too concerned... ehhh but then again, come to think of it...actually it's not so much a problem of thinking too much about the other parties I'm with... I think it's more like I'm too conscious and irritated with myself, and I'm too concerned about my own thoughts and feelings... I think sometimes even when I'm by myself, I end up trapping myself in a game of checks and balances, in a vicious cycle of doubting that I can do it with God's help and also believing that God will take me through... So maybe, it's a problem of not spending enough time with God... I'm not secure and stable enough in Him... God is not big enough in my life... And with SMU being so busy, it's so easy to go about just doing things and as a form of comfort to keep thinking that it's ok just take it easy on yourself... and by the time you know it, actually you're far away from God because of the lack of time committed to just CONCENTRATE on Him... I think we often fall into the trap of trying to give friends whatever free time we have because we already feel so bad about being busy with school work and our own agenda... But no! Break free from that trap... Don't even fall into it... Haven't you heard? BUSY = Being Under Satan's Yoke. Get away and please be strong in the Lord before you try to do the thousand and one things, even if it's classified under "church activities"...or seek to look for what you need in the thousand and one people, even if they are classified under "Christians"... Who I really need to turn to and be alone with is GOD Himself! Too many people are missing the point and living according to human classifications and standards, including myself...alright I'm human after all...
Today God spoke to me during service (haha I even forgot that I was ushering)... I was thinking about many things and I realised after a while how I haven't been sharing much of the many thoughts that I have to anyone. I haven't met my shepherd for like 2 months? or even more? It's terrible... I haven't been so far from a shepherd for so long. It's not anyone's fault la. You can blame it on "BUSY". I don't like that word. Busy people = people who do too many unnecessary things coz they don't know what God wants them to do. Anyway, I was thinking that in SMU I don't have any girl from church that I can really look to for mature Godly counsel and advice, in my CG I also don't really think so (although just yesterday during GFG I think I realised that I can talk to LiShan so I think I shall go call her one day) and ya that's why I wanna meet up with my ex-shepherd Tracy... wah but it really just pained me to see myself looking for someone to just share with... but there are so many things I've accumulated also until I duno who the best person is to share to... and even for Lim Mian, someone whom I can share so easily with, I duno but she's so busy and I'm confused about what to share with her anymore coz she has so many things to cope with herself... and I was screaming inside that Michelle I need to just talk to you!!!!!!!! and then I have the inner conflict about spending time to just share everything coz I know that she doesn't know me very well and goodness it would surely take long and I would feel super drained sharing... gosh and wow it just becomes a burden... and moreover, if I have more urgent things to do like study for my tests and completing my school work, I don't want to think so much and share so much and cry about it coz I know it's a stupid waste of time coz in the end I know that it's ALL about going back to the Lord and seeking His face... and telling the story can come later, when I have more time to share... goodness... what is this... I had better settle this during the mid-term break before week 9 comes and goodness gracious there's no stopping and ok next thing I know Year One has ended. and wow... what happened... I don't want to be in a daze... God please I pray that You will lead me by Your Spirit... Let me have the mind of the Lord... I need to have more wisdom in everything in my life... But I just thank You for speaking into my heart... You told me how You are more than enough for me... even though people are busy and circumstances might not be exactly how I want it to be, I just hope that I will never compromise on spending time talking to You and I know that as long as I am close to You things will be ok... "Come to me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest."[Mark 6:31] "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."[Matthew11:28] Come to me... Come to me, my child...
Anyway, I feel very thankful today... You know I'm starting to like the uni-YA group more, ever since last week. Last week they didn't use drums and I really felt like it was back to a more traditional kind of service...it was quite nice...like we didn't have to rely on those more rock kind of music to feel excited for the Lord. and this week, for ushering, you know I was so sotong coz I wore the wrong attire! I was supposed to wear jeans...and I wore a skirt...goodness, to think that I rarely wear skirts...when the right occasion arrives to wear skirts, I don't wear them... and when it's the wrong occasion, I go wear a skirt...-_-" And then I forgot about covered shoes...coz I conveniently walked out of the house wearing my open toe flats which I wear every single day until it wears out and it's time to buy a new pair of flats... so I think the only thing that I wore correctly was the white shirt. and haha coz not enough scarfs, I didn't wear a scarf too (I volunteered to because I was already the odd one out anyway)...ya gosh...I can't stand fashion man... and I was all ready to feel guilty and sorry... surprisingly I didn't feel very guilty, although I was sorry. but then a thought came into my head and I thought about the traditional smaller churches and about the heart to serve... I mean just imagine a smaller church with a real desperate need for people to step out to serve... do you think attire really matters? So as much as I know I want to be as excellent as possible in my ministry, I also know that it's more about having an excellent heart... I became even more convinced and very encouraged when Rachel (my ushering leader) told me that it was alright. Seriously I had half the mind to tell her that I was willing to opt out and serve on another week or something... but somehow I felt that ok I shouldn't...it's not about man's outward appearances, but God looks at the heart. And ok! Can you imagine my joy! I really felt the joy that God gave me the chance to serve today... I really felt that God I'm doing this for your kingdom...I am ushering people into Your house... It's not based on what I wear... I just hope to bring them into Your house by showing Your love and the joy I have in You to them... wow wow wow. haha. super encouraged...... funny isn't it. a little thing like this. to just know that I'm not being condemned coz I was all ready to feel condemned (like I was bending my head down when I walked to and fro from the auditorium and the toilet coz I felt very paiseh). such joy in the Lord :)
lol...anyway I don't know who reads my blog... but I just want to say please don't judge me from what I blog about. It's really my thoughts at a particular point of time. I have so many other thoughts that you don't know about, perhaps even I myself haven't discovered the many deeper thoughts I have. Please don't end up spreading inaccurate judgements about my relationship with God or my shepherd Michelle. I am ultimately God's "work-in-progress". Hmmm, you can pray for me if you want to :) I sure need prayer. You can tell me if you need prayers too :) I love God very much and I love His people too.
Happy Friendship & Valentine's Day :)
Dear Lord,
I just want to REJOICE and thank You for this wonderful day that You have made :) I know that at many points in time I tend towards my emotions rather than to base my pure faith in You. But I know that You never ever give up on me. And that's why I never give up building up my faith and security in You.
I wonder about many things that I don't understand, but ultimately I know that You are the one in control. These are probably easier said than done. But I believe that they will be done. Faith is what takes me there.
Often, I realise that I am able to encourage people much much better than myself. I "kill" myself with my own thoughts and I can't get out of it. However, I must learn to walk out of my own prison. I remember a teaching last time called "Barriers to Trust" and it impacted me very greatly. I learnt how we create prisons for ourselves, and we just sit inside it. Although God has already unlocked the prison doors, we refuse to walk out into the freedom that we have. And hey, why don't I walk out into the freedom I have and use my life to bless others around me instead of suffocating in my own prisons? Hmmm. If I can't even believe for myself the power of God's mighty hand in my life, how can I believe that He can truly work miracles in other people's lives?
Heal The Wound by Point of Grace Heal the wound but leave the scar I have not lived a life that boasts of anything Heal the wound but leave the scar Don't let me forget Heal the wound but leave the scar http://www.tangle.com/view_video.php?viewkey=f39946d4782597af71ec I didn't attend the church service when this song was sung. But people seem to like it a lot and so I went to find the link. ---------------------------------------------------------- Dear Lord, This world is so hard to understand. I don't understand the people. I don't understand what's happening. Sometimes I want to ask if it's ok to put up fronts. I think my next essay, which is due next week, will be somewhat vaguely about that. I told myself that in whatever I write I will never write something I don't feel for. Sometimes I cry a lot coz I hate the world. I don't like what I go through sometimes. My mum used to cry a lot and blame herself a lot too. But I also told my mum how each family has its own pains. God You have laid out a life for us which we don't understand. We probably will never understand it anyway until we meet You again. But God You have given us hope in this world. Hope, love and grace in You, even through the people and the situations we hate. God is love.
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar
I don't take pride in what I bring
But I'll build an altar with
The rubble that You've found me in
And every stone will sing
Of what You can redeem
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar
Everything You've done for me
Don't let me forget
The beauty in the suffering
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar
oh man. if you really peer into my heart right now, Christ is really really small :(
often I surprise myself when I realise how weak I am inside. My self-confidence is smaller than a peanut.
I wonder why I still find myself in such situations.
But at least I know how to handle them much better now :)
God I pray for a stronger heart and a stronger conscience :)
I guess that's why my name's Gabrielle ---> which means 'God is my strength'.
He truly is my strength.
And we can be assured that God is always at work. Let us labour in prayer.
[Job 33:12-14]
"12 But I tell you, in this you are not right, for God is greater than man. 13 Why do you complain to him that he answers none of man's words? 14 For God does speak - now one way, now another - though man may not perceive it."
Dear Lord,
I thank You for taking me through this exam period - the first in my university life. You know what was special about this time? Unlike in JC and unlike all the exam periods before I came to know You, this time I can really say that I tried my best. I really felt joy during this exam period. It's so different from the previous times when I'm just torn down by my own emotions and negative thoughts that bombard my mind. Actually I still do feel stressed, definitely more stressed compared to other people... but I guess that's a weakness of mine... I'm really quite easily stressed up and anxious especially when it comes to times of testing like this because I always feel like I cannot do it well. Even though I may have faith in other areas of my life, somehow in the area of grades and results, I feel like giving up many more times in the process. But God You never fail to carry me through and You strengthen my faith and You give me courage to move on.
This reminds me of this verse in [Exodus 14:13-15] which encourages me a lot: '13 Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. 14 The Lord will fight for you;you only need to be still." 15 Then the Lord said to Moses, "Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on." '
I have received some of my results already. To tell You the truth, I was rather disappointed when I received the results. To make things worse, a few friends who asked me about my results achieved really good grades. Not that I am trying to compete with them, because I really don't want to run the same race as everyone else - that is of chasing after GPAs. But somehow this made me question why You don't bless me with better results. I start to think: Why can't I just be one of those who achieves? And then my mind starts to fill with doubts and I begin to think why You have to put me through a whole round of doing badly again throughout my school life like in JC. It only gets worse and I lose hope in You. Yet....... I know that there is no point in this. I only know that I'm not being thankful enough and I'm definitely not seeing the big picture. And so I often find myself caught between choosing to think that "grades do matter" and "grades do not matter".
But in the end, I guess it's really not about choosing to think whether grades do matter or not, because that is a judgment by the world, yet who are we to judge such things? Even if we judge, what does that really amount to? working our heads off for what? for grades that do matter? and grades that matter to what? I think it's really tough when we're fighting against being disillusioned by this world that offers so many goodie bags full of seemingly attractive stuff... it's tough to stand firm in your beliefs (and I don't just refer to the Christian faith, but just in general your personal beliefs) in this world which has become so skeptical...
But God says in [Galatians 6:4-5] "4 Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to someone else, 5 for each one should carry his own load."
I am glad that I no longer have to keep comparing with the world, for I am not living by the world's standards anymore, but by God's standards.
God I pray that You may grow me in this area of really living life for You and knowing that You are more than sufficient for me, especially when it comes to the area of achievements where I tend to compare with others around me and focus on doubting own abilities rather than believing in what Your power and Your mighty grace. I really pray for a breakthrough in this area which You have already grown me a lot in, because I really want to pass this test and to be secure in You and my faith shall no longer waver in this area. Thank You Lord. Please help me to remember the reasons that this is a school and a course that I had chosen after much consideration and I seek to do my best for You. I give my all to You Lord.
Dear Lord, I also want to pray for my sheep who is having her medicine paper in 4 days. May You bless her with an abundance of joyfulness and peace in You as she studies and know that You will bring her through this as she perseveres on to do her best for You. I pray that You may use her to be salt and light for You during this exam period as a loving daughter and also a caring friend who reaches out to others around her. I pray that she will look beyond just getting good grades also, but rather to always remember that this is a course that You have given her and she has chosen to go forth in it despite it being tough. I thank You for the very work You are doing in her today and I believe in even greater miracles and breakthroughs as Your mighty Hand moves in her life.
In Jesus' name I pray, Amen. :) God You're good in the good and the bad times. You are the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.
I'm so tired! statistics paper was so hard =( for me at least... >< hmmm but it's alright. I still have Financial Accounting paper tomorrow... need to continue persevering... God please help me! during stats paper today I already felt like giving up during the MCQ.. in fact I was very tired before the paper already... I duno about FA... I'm so tired I can't even bring myself to start studying...
Anyway really pray for the people of Thailand... I feel v sad that they're in this state now... with the financial crisis, they still have to face unrest amongst themselves and with the leaders of the country. How to lead the country out of the financial crisis now? which is the more immediate problem... but with so many angry people... But I also pray that God You'll use the Christians there =) in You we trust!
hey! it's in the midst of exams in SMU... I've just completed 2 papers - one on Monday and another on Tuesday! I've 2 more to go - one on Wednesday and another on Thursday. haha yes it's 4 papers in 4 days in a row. but well, I must appreciate that it's not 5 papers in 4 days which some of my friends had to go through >< hmmm. of course there are those who have exam periods that start on monday and end on tuesday. so lucky right! like Zelanie.. haha but it's cool because Wednesday is her birthday! WHICH IS TODAY! Haha...HAPPY NINETEENTH BIRTHDAY ZELANIE!!! =DOkay I know Zelanie doesn't read my blog...but she might one day =p
Well I must say that I'm very blessed this period =) really really really blessed and I'm so encouraged and so loved that I've so much energy in me because I'm so excited! I keep laughing and smiling, even to myself a little. haha... But during this period people have prayed for me... and I really feel God's power in my life and my emotions. I really feel like there's been a great breakthrough in the area of studies...which I can't seem to let go at all last time. I was imprisoned by studies I guess. But I have really learnt a lot not to feel that way. It's amazing to really see how I'm transformed by God's Hand, because in situations which I know I really cannot handle, God brings me through it... This is very evident in terms of control and stability in my emotions...which is such a tough area to control... but wow... haha. I can't believe I'm so joyful in an exam period. don't even talk about blogging about it. I think the joyfulness in itself is already amazing ahha. ok I'm just amazed. wahaha.
Guess what! My parents are joining a caregroup! how much more amazing is that! I can't believe it actually. I mean my parents aren't the most sociable people around. They are nice people and are generally warm and friendly towards other people, but they're definitely not the type that enjoys socialising and they take little initiative to have all these kinda gatherings, especially with friends... in my entire life, I dun remember my parents organising any gathering to invite friends to our house... Relatives also not really... usually we go over to their house... well in short, they are passive people. but you know especially in my mum, it's amazing how she is so fired up inside to want to do something... like she asked me to pray for my brother and we sat together like a CG to pray for his PSLE results... and then my dad and her prayed for me on sunday night before exams started this week... although she doesn't do the actual praying out loud because she's not the very eloquent kind and she feels awkward to pray out loud, she initiates and sees the power in prayer. And I can see she's rather excited and looking forward to caregroup! she even agreed to go for bible study next year... Lol!!!!!!!!!! ok I duno, this just makes me feel so tickled coz I can't believe it! But God is really WONDERFUL and FAITHFUL =D
Alright, share more again! cya!
Hey! Here is my family =) It's so rare that we've taken a photo together. Even our dog Snowy is inside the photo! haha... my mum looks a bit shocked though... I think she must be talking halfway while the camera was on timer lol... well doesn't matter, we still had a good time this very Monday night. =) I was initially quite upset because on this very special day I had to rush to hand up my assignment and also do my BGS presentation (which is my most stressful presentation in my opinion!)... and moreover I had just completed a presentation on friday... and the weekend was rushing many things... so that resulted in my family not being able to go for a nice birthday for my mum that weekend. =( Fortunately they were accommodating and had the dinner on monday night, which is actually not a very good choice because it was a weekday night. oh well >< I guess my mum's birthday was really a great blessing for me because I could just relax after a stressful Monday =)
my family! =)
my dad + mum = a 100-year-old couple =p
Hehe, here are 4 of my new friends! =) They are from my CT (Creative Thinking) project group. This is the first photo that I've ever taken together with a project group in SMU... haha, I really wanted to take a photo because I don't want SMU to spoil the whole idea of friendships forged in school by making it seem like we're just colleagues in our project groups. I think most people in SMU just do projects for the sake of it. They can't wait for the project to end. They can't wait for the project meetings to end. And they just conveniently forget about all the friends they have made for the past 10 weeks in that particular semester as they move on with their own life, their own friends, their own next modules and next project groups of acquaintances. And they conveniently forget all about each other. What a self-centered lifestyle. SMU should stop trying to focus on being different. Everyone seems to be so carried away with the idea of being different from others that they are really merely different from others on the surface, yet fundamentally no different from them in that they are all just being similarly self-centered. Instead, it should focus on being different from people who are just too carried away with things that do not matter. Well, SMU is indeed where I believe my life, my thoughts and my character will be greatly transformed... for the better (I hope)! =p
FOREVER - Hillsong
I'll Worship at Your Throne
Whisper my own love song
With all my heart I'll sing
For You my Dad and King
I'll live for all my days
To Put a smile on Your face
And when we finally meet
It'll be for eternity
And Oh how wide You open up Your arms
When I need Your love
And how far You would come
If ever I was lost
And You said that all You feel for me
Is undying love
That You showed me through the cross
I'll worship You my God
I'll worship You my God
I love You
I love You
Forever I will sing
Forever I will be with You
Be with You
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDigBNAzX4U&feature=related
As we grow up there are so many more decisions to make that get even more and more complex as you have to consider more and more of the future. We cannot live like young kids anymore in our own playbox. But I guess it's okay when you are clear about what/who you are really living for. Things get a lot clearer from there.
And Oh how wide You open up Your arms when I need Your love and how far You would come. So generously You give. Can I give the same?
HEY! haha. I am now an official SMU student who has survived her first 1.5 weeks in uni! haha. I guess it's quite alright. All my fears about the competitive culture, the arrogant and uncaring people, the active class participation requirements, and so on....have all COME TRUE! lol. okok I'm just joking. In reality, it's still quite alright. I actually LIKE SMU (so far). haha. I like it that there are seminar style lessons because it's shorter. haha. I guess I prefer to have less lesson time and more time to manage on my own. I think tutorials and lectures would have taken up more time per week. Hmmm I guess I also like it that SMU would encourage me to speak up more in the end. Yup, notice that I used the word 'ENCOURAGE' and not 'force' or 'pressure'. At least that's the case for now. Maybe it's because there are still people who are really quiet and so I don't feel so alone. And I have managed to participate in class this week so I think it's good progress. As long as I continue to enjoy the lessons (my professors are really quite nice), I think I would have the personal desire to contribute more in my classes.
I think God has really blessed me with very helpful friends around. I guess I haven't made very close friends yet whom I'll stick around to study with, but during the times when I needed help or encouragements (like to speak up more) my friends were there. I mean it would have been quite normal in Hwachong, but I definitely didn't expect very much from SMU. Haha.. Perhaps I have been having very low expectations. I can only pray that God will help me along as I meet different sorts of people whom I may not be able to clique with. hehe.
Alright. Yup. Short update about my life. haha. God is good! :)
How Can I Keep From Singing - Chris Tomlin
There is an endless song
Echoes in my soul
I hear the music ring
And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling
How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing
I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives
And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give
I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And I fall down again
I can sing 'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I'll sing with the angels
And the saints around the throne
I was talking to my friend about the story 'Kite Runner' one day. After I read the book, for a few seemingly insane moments, I felt that I actually wanted to be in the position of the little Afghan child in the streets, where all they needed to care about was their survival, their immediate family like parents and siblings (if they had any), and to treasure that one or two friends they had in their lives. And they need not care about falling into the trap of being materialistic and always chasing achievement after achievement and trying to be well-liked among their circles of friends (whether or not the friendships are deep).
I thought her response would be something like: why would you want to be the Afghan kid? The grass is always greener on the other side... and I'm sure if you were in Afghanistan, you'd rather live a life where your survival needs are all met... Because with your survival needs being met, in fact you can live an even more meaningful life by just guarding yourself against being materialistic and all the worldly stuff.
But to my surprise her response was: (paraphrased) why would you want to be the Afghan kid? Why are you living to try to survive? I mean, what are you trying to survive for?
Then it really stunned me...her question really made me think. In the case of the Afghan child, what's the point of struggling to survive...to die at the end of his life? might as well die now? why survive to die?
Similarly, it got me thinking about my own life and in fact everyone else's lives. What's the point of trying to live my life day after day to study hard to earn more money to live another day...another year...to die at the end of my life? might as well die now? why survive to die?
I'm not trying to sound suicidal but if you don't know what you are living for or are living for all the wrong reasons, it is suicidal.
Do you live for riches? Do you live for friends or friendship? Do you live for family? Do you live your life for the 'experience of life'...and really what are you going to do about this experience? Maybe be happy and satisfied about it, die and call it 'life'? Do you live for your happiness and satisfaction? Do you live for yourself? Do you live?
Here's what my friend wrote on his blog: the finishing line is what makes the marathon meaningful.
Why are you running the marathon for? What are you living for?
hello! How has everyone been doing? I know I haven't updated this blog for a very long time... it was partly because of the lack of time... and lack of discipline... and lack of desire... haha. but I have decided to update today~ heh so far my life has been very eventful and fruitful. It's really one of the best periods of my life. I think life can only get better... coz the longer you live, the more the happy times you build up, the more the relationships you build up, the stronger the relationships you build up, the more the fruits you reap...and the better the person you become..... right?
I needed God in all that. and that's why I really think my life is so much more fruitful now. yay you know I brought my parents to church and they wanna try their best to make the effort to go to church every Sunday now! :)
ok and I'm not just becoming some lunatic about God God God all day. but then I have to mention God in my entries coz it's true that God is the one who really helps me in my life. And thank God for that... like better family relationships...woah it's really heartening to see my family growing to become closer. We all try our best to make more time for each other... even though "our best" isn't "the best" but we still try and I can see that it's not just my mother scolding us all day anymore. And I dun think that can happen just like that... it's really so so so good to hear from my own mum, "I really think that relationships are the most important thing in the world"... and she also said to me "I'm very happy that we can talk just like that... can talk about anything under the sun"... and somehow my brother, sister and I quarrel less too... we are really happier with one another and woah I really see a change in myself that I'll go to my sister's room a few times to talk to her at night. last time I really wouldn't do that at all.
ok anyway my life is just working at MOM, serving at church, and spending time with my family... sometimes spend time with my class... sometimes with other friends... heh. I wish life can be like that forever. haha... okay except for the money part. surely can't survive with a measly $600 every month. I dun like CPF =(
And I'm really saddened about Myanmar and China...that they have to face such terrible disasters in their country... you know sth? During my SMU interview session I met a wonderful Myanmar girl who migrated to Singapore... It really felt as if I met a long-lost friend or something. It was so easy to talk to her! And you know there was none of that fierce competitive selfish spirit in her... At the start of the interview she actually asked me to sit closer to her... and initially when I didn't speak up she nudged me and encouraged me to speak up... such a nice friend right? So after a while when she started to become quiet while I spoke up more, I also encouraged her to speak up... woah I was so touched haha. And we exchanged contact after the interview... Hmmm, oh and thank God that her relatives are all fine in Myanmar... =)
Oh yea, so far I've only been accepted by SMU for business... NUS and NTU haven't replied me at all... But oh my there was such a joy in my heart when I got accepted for SMU. Finally! after waiting for such a long time while all those around me were receiving letters from all 3 schools... But woah you must understand why I'm so happy... It's coz of a few reasons:
1) At first I crossed out SMU coz I thought I surely won't fit into the "talk more and you win" culture. So I just anyhow submitted my application without putting much heart into it.
2) I only went to buy nice clothes for my SMU interview on the day itself. So last minute right! lol...
3) I spent the day of my SMU interview with my parents... My mum doesn't work la, and so happened that my father's company shut down for one week coz the electronics sector in Singapore not doing well... Yeah so they went shopping for my clothes with me... We also went for lunch and had a good talk... and my dad was so helpful in telling me about all the current affairs, coz I haven't been reading up much in detail so I asked him to spam me with everything he knew... (ok but turned out that none of what my father told me came out.. the article I was given was about "why powerful men would risk everything to get sex" or something along those lines haha)
4) My parents were elated (happier than I was) to know that I got a place at SMU... woah you should see how much my father wants SMU... He wants to go to SMU more than I do I think... Lol.. ok...
5) I met a super nice Myanmar girl who light up my life at the interview coz she gave me so much support and I didn't feel so nervous.
6) I was very impressed with the SMU professors - the way the briefed us before the interview to tell us that we should come to SMU only if we like their pedagogy, and the way they accessed us without the need to ask us boring questions like "so why do you want to come to SMU?" and "why do you want to study business?"
Alright... shall update more next time. Everyone do go enjoy life before UNI starts! ahha.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqWJ4rPzhQA
I've heard it said that a man would climb a mountain
Just to be with the one he loves
How many times has he broken that promise
It has never been done.
I've never climbed the highest mountain
But I walked the hill of calvary
Chorus:
Just to be with you, I'd do anything
There's no price I would not pay
Just to be with you, I'd give anything
I would give my life away.
I've heard it said that a man would swim the ocean
Just to be with the one he loves
How may times has he broken that promise
It can never be done
I've never swam the deepest ocean
But I walked upon the raging sea
Repeat chorus
(Bridge) I know that you don't understand
the fullness of My love
How I died upon the cross for your sins
And I know that you don't realize
how much that I gave you
But I promise, I would do it all again.
Just to be with you, I've done everything
There's no price I did not pay
Just to be with you, I gave everything
Yes, I gave my life away.
I can only imagine what it will be like, when I walk by Your side...
I can only imagine, what my eyes will see, when Your Face is before me.
I can only imagine. I can only imagine.
Surrounded by Your Glory, what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you, Jesus? Or in awe of You, be still?
Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing 'Hallelujah!'? Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine. I can only imagine.
Gathering around waiting for CG to begin! Gamemasters - Kat! and Shijie (where's he?) Waiting for CG games to begin! :) Balloon Game! TEAM 1 balloon representative - Samuel Cheng!First meeting at KAP:
pretty girls! :)
not-so-handsome guys! HAHA =p
our first CLM photo :)
(Sida, where are you!)
CG at Tracy's house: 
Balloon Game! TEAM 2 balloon representative - Mr. Potato aka Guofeng! =p
Team 2! We are a dynamic team! :)
Aha!~ Shijie the other gamemaster with his pink balloon! :)
The worship leader - Sida! :)
Guest Guitarist Cheng! :) 
Whoever is sharing must wear the "mao mao" thing! haha...
Guofeng sharing!
Sharing animatedly =p
"mao mao" thing is on SengKim!
SengKim sharing!
Sida sharing!
(Look at his mouth! Sida's-funny-shots-(1)! =p)
Kat sharing! (dunno why must hold bread and share...lol)
Shijie sharing! (with his Hitler pose)
Me sharing!
Tracy sharing!
Listening..
(Sida's-funny-shots-(2)! =p)
Listening...
Our dearest leader Tracee! We love you :)
Sengkim, Tracy, Shijie! 
Sengkim the doubly lame guy =p
Kat and I! :)
OHHO! Here comes Mr.Potato!
Sida! posing? haha...
Mr.Potato playing with his fringe AGAIN.
CLM photo :) Ignore shijie! Look at US in the MIRROR! Haha!
CLM at Taka:
Eating our dinner in the rain =p
SengKim and Mr.Potato
Shijie and Sida
FOOD is a blessing from above!
Quotable Quotes: Everything is eatable, but not everything is edible!
I will go to Your secret place :)
OMG. zhong guo wa wa! =p
AHHH. LOL!
outside the bunny shop =p
squatting outside the bunny shop again!
girls photo :)
say 'NO' to Violence!!
(AHH. Or you'll end up like SengKim. Haha! okok joking =p)
yay guess whose fingers belong to which person! =p
Guofeng and his similar/congruent triangles!
And finally:
I really love this group of people that God has placed in my life. I'm really privileged to be able to learn lots from God through this group! I don't know why I'm in this group, because I really feel sotong still. But I believe that God has placed us strategically in this position for a reason. So let's really be effective and clean vessels for Him to use. :) Despite the big changes, be strong and courageous! For God has overcome all. And He will be with us each step we take.
7 is a special number that God often uses to do His perfect work :)
Siyun and I at our usual shepherding hangout! :)
spiritual buddies: this photo is so cute! I love suet:)
405! :)
yongsheng!
haha! Y-hope choir soppies!
gene, me, mian!
405 clique! (I think lilin's getting dunked! heh..)
soulmate dear :)
LiLin's surprise bdae party! :)