te voy acontar un cuento

A Life Without Compromise

2010-04-13T17:05:00.001+08:00

Dear God, I pray that You may help me to live without compromise - bring me through this incredibly humbling process. Amen.

The Voice of Truth

2010-04-09T21:53:00.002+08:00

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy, you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Choral Singing

2009-11-27T13:43:00.000+08:00

Singing is beautiful. My singing is not beautiful, but singing is beautiful to me. It’s amazing how God can give us such a beautiful gift of music to express ourselves. Truly it’s something I love. Music :) Not rock or pop. I mean choral singing :) I love even those solo opera singers (okay minus out those who are overly vibrato…just those with a pure clean sound hehe). I am amazed how a group of people can come together to make music out of nothing. They are the instruments themselves. Choir is amazing :) I miss it truly. Come sing together with me!

CG day!

2009-11-27T01:25:00.002+08:00

Happy 20th birthday zelanie :)

I just wanted to record this down in memory.

It was really a great time of fellowship and worship and celebration in CG today.

Even though it is in the midst of exams, I was really truly touched that everyone was so willing to give their time... I sent out an email that CG would end at 9.30pm SHARP but no one really complained about the time...

I was really touched by that... and I really was touched by how God blessed the fellowship today... we really had so much fun today with the cake-smashing... and even Yi Xiu planned the birthday celebration so superbly well, from the cards to cake to affirmation...

I was really very touched also that God used me to lead worship today. I shared a word from Hebrews and it was actually in conjuction with the devotional passage today about Abraham and Sarah. And Juli also sent out a message to encourage everyone, which I didn't know so many people read as well... Funny how the verse was one that God prompted me to share quite a few times already but I only shared it today... and the funny thing was that the verses above the verses I wanted to share were indeed about Abraham and God's promise to bless him with many descendants, just as the devotional passage I chose was about. It's like wah, amazing coincidence.

But even while at the back of mind there screams a doubting voice saying "it's just a coincidence", I know that it definitely was not out of my own doing... and even zel was asking whether I planned it. and I was thinking "Yes of course I planned it"...I mean I was supposed to lead worship that week... and she went on to share about how God spoke to her about how she had been waiting on the wrong thing all this while even though she thought she was waiting on God... and I knew that I could have never had planned that because I never knew that part about her at all. I knew then it was the Lord.

But you know how our minds and hearts play tricks on us. I was really thinking for a while... is it really the Lord who did all this? Or is it just me who did it out of habit? or out of human competence? But then when I think about it again, I know that there were just too many factors in play for me to control and handle. I knew that the Holy Spirit and God's presence were in that room... yes and even God provided the room for us and we didn't have to sit in a mosquito-filled area + compete with another zai guitarist from another group...

I wanna thank God for mian as well who has been joining the cluster, CG and service on her own accord... I don't know what changed in her, but she has been coming without my asking... I truly thank God for that because I know that God lives in her somehow... not by my persuasive words at all but it's just so joyful seeing how she now is taking steps to take ownership of her spiritual walk.... I can see that she puts her hope in the Lord so much more than in the past... :)
Lord I want to be more humbled and to truly wait upon You. I thank You that during this exam period I still have much time to spend with you and talk to you. I am amazed because I did not have this peace with me during other exam periods. I truly thank You.

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

2009-11-24T11:46:00.001+08:00

Oh man. I'm just so glad that my marketing exam is finally over. I can't believe I went through 17 chapters in 1 day. I wasted 3/4 a pen ink refill. haha...

2009-11-21T21:57:00.000+08:00

why is the world so broken?

stop breaking the world!!!

2009-11-17T16:48:00.000+08:00

Selah.

Philippians 4:9

2009-07-21T22:42:00.001+08:00

Live like you know how to, according to the measure that you have received and learnt and heard. And the God of peace will be with you! :)

Childhood

2009-07-08T21:31:00.001+08:00

CHILDHOOD – Michael Jackson

Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for the world that I come from
'Cause I've been looking around
In the lost and found of my heart...
No one understands me
They view it as such strange eccentricities...
'Cause I keep kidding around
Like a child, but pardon me...

People say I'm not okay
'Cause I love such elementary things...
It's been my fate to compensate,
for the Childhood I've never known...

Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for that wonder in my youth
Like pirates in adventurous dreams,
Of conquest and kings on the throne...
Before you judge me,
try hard to love me,
Look within your heart then ask,
Have you seen my Childhood?

People say I'm strange that way
'Cause I love such elementary things,
It's been my fate to compensate,
for the Childhood (for the Childhood) I've never known...

Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for that wonder in my youth
Like fantastical stories to share
The dreams I would dare, watch me fly...
Before you judge me,
try hard to love me.
The painful youth I've had…

Heal The World

2009-07-08T21:24:00.002+08:00

Heal The World – Michael Jackson

Spoken by child:
'Think about the generations, and say we wanna make it a better place for our children and our children's children, so that they... They, they... They know it's a better world for them. And think if they can make it a better place...'

There's a place in your heart
And I know that it is love
And this place could be much
Brighter than tomorrow
And if you really try
You'll find there's no need to cry
In this place you'll feel
There's no hurt or sorrow

There are ways to get there
If you care enough for the living
Make a little space
Make a better place

Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me
And the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place
For you and for me

If you want to know why
There's a love that cannot lie
Love is strong
It only cares of joyful giving
If we try we shall see
In this bliss we cannot feel, fear or dread
We stop existing and start living

Then it feels that always
Love's enough for us growing
Make a better world
Make a better world

Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me
And the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place
For you and for me

And the dream we were conceived in
Will reveal a joyful face
And the world we once believed in
Will shine again in grace
Then why do we keep strangling life
Wound this earth, crucify its soul
Though it's plain to see
This world is heavenly
Be God's glow

We could fly so high
Let our spirits never die
In my heart
I feel you are all my brothers
Create a world with no fear
Together we'll cry happy tears
See the nations
Turn their swords into plowshares

We could really get there
If you cared enough for the living
Make a little space
To make a better place

Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me
And the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place
For you and for me

Heal the world
Make it a better place (Oh, my friends)
For you and for me
And the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place
For you and for me
You and for me
You and for me

Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children

2009-04-13T22:20:00.003+08:00

Thank You Lord for working in my family :)
Thank you thank you thank you :) for the many many many many many things...
slow and quiet.
Thank God that You are the Lord of all.

2009-04-11T23:01:00.001+08:00

all-time fav song: You Raise Me Up :)

simply great song: You Were There :)

2009-04-10T01:19:00.003+08:00

Dear God,
I know I am rather stressed. But I don't know if it's just because exams are near. I think it's been like that ever since ages ago, just that it has not been resolved. But stress makes it worse. I need to learn how to cope with this. I must have faith. Faith is pure. In faith, there is no longer fear. I have peace.

I pray that you will help me to sleep properly too. I don't like the dreams I have because they make me wake up feeling anxious. They reflect the fears I have, even though it may not be the real situation. And they're sure not about tearing up exam papers or about not finishing my revision for exams the next day. Somehow they are about people. All sorts of people. and I don't know why. Random? or is it really the exams?

Anyway I don't think it's really the content that matters. I just know that there's something I must learn - to manage my emotions in a way that is pleasing to God. God I really pray that you can help me to be an overcomer in this area. I cannot keep going on like that, otherwise it will only mean that I haven't fully learnt. I need a breakthrough!

God I thank You that You've helped me much in this area. I am coping with it much better already. I just pray that I will have another mini breakthrough during this exam period. and step by step I shall be an overcomer!

I really really thank You for my mum. She sure is a great encouragement and probably the greatest blessing I ever had and will ever have in my whole life. I need to become a better Christian, like she is.

Faith.

Not built upon shifting sands but upon a solid rock.

Shaken - so that what cannot be shaken will remain.

In Your name I pray,
Amen.

2009-03-17T13:53:00.004+08:00

Dear Suet,

I miss you so much! I wish that we could come tgt to sing again... even if it's just 2 people... haha...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkuWlSioQpQ

It's the purity in their voices that lifts my heart upwards :) and maybe something else too... but these are one of the many things that don't need to be explained... just for us to take it all in with awe with a childlike heart... just like how we do for God's mighty love and beauty :)

I miss talking to you too...

----------------------------------------------------------
From Rick Warren:

When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do.
That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.

Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD.

a heartbeat transplant <3

2009-03-15T05:06:00.001+08:00

Dear Lord,

May I have a heart transplant?

:D maybe a heartbeat transplant is good enough.

A stronger heart I need Lord. A heart that hides Your Word and keeps out all sin.

Lord You are GOOD.

Your love never fails.

Amen.

The Difference.

2009-03-05T21:46:00.003+08:00

There is a difference between living for people and living for God.

Trying your best for God means trying your best for people, but trying your best for people does not mean trying your best for God.

Know that difference.

It sure is hard to live out, especially when trying your best for God means trying your best for people but your best just isn't people's best.

But the truth remains...and it's our choice to live it out as children of Christ.

:)

2009-03-05T16:00:00.002+08:00

Last Year:

mum: who is the most important in your life?

me: erm...God

mum: it's your parents... even God does not do everything for you. Your parents are the ones who take care of you directly. we are the ones who take care of every single thing in your life.

Today:

mum: who is the most important in your life?

me: erm...God

mum: ya... your parents... and God...

Lead Me To The Cross

2009-03-05T09:14:00.002+08:00

Lead Me To The Cross

How can I be free from sin?
Lead me to the cross of Jesus
From the guilt, the power, the pain?
Lead me to the cross of Jesus

There's no other way
No price that I could pay
Simply to the cross I cling
This is all I need
This is all I plead
That his blood was shed for me

How can I know peace within?
Lead me to the cross of Jesus
Sing a song of joy again!
Lead me to the cross of Jesus

Flowing from above
All-forgiving love
From the Father's heart to me!
What a gift of grace
His own righteousness
Clothing me in purity!

How can I live day by day?
Lead me to the cross of Jesus
Following his narrow way?
Lead me to the cross of Jesus

Oh Lord. I sure feel like beating myself up. haha! The things that I do... goodness... I'm laughing at myself... This is stupid... Lord please let your will and not mine be done...

2009-03-03T20:49:00.004+08:00

HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY FUNGMIN! :)
AND HAPPY 1ST SPIRITUAL BIRTHDAY SONGJUN! :)

Haha really feel very joyful for both of you on your special day! Fungmin I'm very encouraged to know that you are still faithfully serving God and His people... Keep on running till the end even though you may feel exhausted, for the Lord will sustain you as long as you are willing... Songjun I'm really inspired by your pure, childlike faith that has taken you so far...and look at you, God has even made you a shepherd of His flock... thank God for your heart, really! He will use you so much more greatly... :)

To Know Your Name

The precious blood of Jesus Christ redeems
Forgiven I'm alive restored set free
Your majesty resides inside of me
Forever I believe
Forever I believe
Arrested by Your truth and righteousness
Your grace has overwhelmed my brokenness
Convicted by Your spirit led by Your word
Your love will never fail
Your love will never fail

I know You gave
The word Your only Son for us
To know Your name
To live within the Saviour's love
He took my place
Knowing He'd be crucified
And You loved
You loved a people undeserving

Daniel 3 & 4

2009-02-28T02:56:00.002+08:00

1) King Nebuchadnezzar made a huge image of gold and summoned everyone to come to the dedication of the image.

2) He commanded that whoever did not fall down and worship will immediately be thrown into a blazing furnace.

3) There were 3 Jews - Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego - who refused to obey this command.

4) Nebuchadnezzar was furious with rage and summoned the 3 men before Him. He questioned them regarding why they did not serve his gods or worship the image that he set up. He threatened that they would be thrown into a blazing furnace and said "what god will be able to rescue you from my hand"?

5) The 3 men replied, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O King. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

6) The 3 men were thrown into the fire for their disobedience towards the King.

7) The King leaped to His amazement when He saw that there were 4 men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looked like a son of the gods.

8) Then King Nebuchadnezzar said, "Praise be to the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednago, who has sent His angel and rescued His servants. They trusted in Him and defied the King's command and were willing to defy the King's commands and were willing to give up their lives rather than serve or worship any god except their own God. Therefore I decree that the people of any nation or language who say anything against the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednago be cut into pieces and their houses be turned into piles of rubble, for no other god can save in this way."

Amen :) No other god can save in this way. I will not give in to the pressures of this world and I will never bow down to another.

I thank God for the prayermeet today as well. It was only with 3 others, but God was with us. We didn't know each other much, but God was there in each and every one of our hearts.

God wants to ask: how willing are you to wait? I'm willing to wait until the day comes.

"But I tell you, in ths you are not right, for God is greater than man. Why do you complain to Him that He answers none of man's words? For God does speak - now one way, now another - though man may not perceive it." - [Job 33:12-14]

You are my desire.

2009-02-26T15:07:00.004+08:00

I desire many things. of this world. Yet I desire not to desire.
I don't want to desire anything at all. I only want to desire God.
I used to desire achievements. Now I just desire my relationship with You above all.
I used to desire to erase history and have a brand new start. Now I just desire to accept Your grace and start living life right with You.
I used to desire for everything to stop, for everything to end. Now I just desire to live a real life with You, my living God.
You are always in the equation. Nothing else is.
A pure heart for You, that's what I long for.

This is my desire
To honor You
Lord with all my heart
I worship You
All I have within me
I give You praise
All that I adore is in You

Lord, I give You my heart
I give You my soul
I live for You alone
Every breath I take
Every moment I'm awake
Lord, have Your way in me

2009-02-20T23:09:00.003+08:00

sometimes I really don't know what to think...

...and these are times when I'm reminded of why I can't help but just stand before You in awe.

Your beauty is eternal. And it's not just a moment of amazement... it's beautifully logical. or is it logically beautiful?

In the midst of all confusion, You make all things clear again, whether we want to admit it or not.

Dear Lord I thank You for giving me such a firm rock upon which I can stand in unshakable faith. Yet, why do I step off the rock and walk away all too often?

This week is a crazy week. I'm still in the midst of it in fact. It's my management science mid-term tomorrow...and what am I doing on a blog. But I think I need to write down some thoughts.

I'm surprised at how I'm going through this week... God I'm truly amazed that I don't end up breaking down anymore. Maybe it's that I've given up and I don't want to care too much already because I know that if I involve emotions, it's too tiring and it'll wear me out completely. What's the point of going through it again and again and again? So I cut off the emotions... but in a way, I think I end up cutting myself off from talking so much to other people as well... I'm not too sure. If I had allowed my emotions to just flow freely, I would definitely have been caught up when people share stuff to me and all... but hey ok, I don't know. it's a good thing also la. I really think that God has given me strength and joy and peace and confidence in Him during this period. lol. ok. haha... I just feel very tickled by God now...k nvm. see la. getting emo already....... gosh it's one more lap.... one more lap to go till service.... huiying don't give up and don't give in to emotions. you still have 5 chapters to study GOSH. haha.

but wow Your joy is indeed my strength :) I love You Lord! <3

I realy pray to live a more consistent life.

You are Magnificent!

2009-02-18T09:00:00.000+08:00

Who compares to You?
Who set the stars in their place?
You who calmed the raging seas
That came crashing over me

Who compares to You?
You who bring the morning light
The hope of all the earth
Is rest assured in Your great love

You are magnificent
Eternally wonderful, glorious
Jesus, no one ever will compare
To You, Jesus

When the evening fades
You call forth songs of joy
As the morning wakes
We Your children give You praise.

You are magnificent
Eternally wonderful, glorious
Jesus, no one ever will compare
To You, Jesus
Jesus, no one ever will compare
To You, Jesus
No one ever will compare
To You, Jesus

2009-02-14T23:19:00.002+08:00

Today I woke up at 11.30am -_-" I was feeling increasingly drained as the week went by. I guess I couldn't really sustain it any longer, with extra activities every single day (Monday celebrate Sida birthday, Tuesday choir concert, Wednesday celebrate Florence birthday, Thursday mini SMU Hope vday party, Friday gender focus group, Saturday service, tomorrow I have Biz Law meeting... goodness please find me some time to study... I didn't even list down everything... and I sure need some good rest and time to recharge before I even start studying right... I'm really not the kind that's full of energy and feeling UP all the time), moreover with the additional stress from the mere thought of what I would face next week. I was actually supposed to meet my caregroup at 11am at SMU today coz we wanted to go around to bless people with flowers that we made... But I think I was just too tired.

Sometimes I wonder if I should just push it coz I never know my real limit anyway... But ok I really need some time to myself... Frankly, I feel joyful when I give my time to people... But I feel very drained at the end of it... I think it's coz of my habit of thinking too much already. When I'm with another person, I can't help but not be able to fully concentrate on my own agenda. I am more concerned about what the other person might be thinking or feeling coz it's just in my character to do so. It might even be stressful coz I'd be too concerned... ehhh but then again, come to think of it...actually it's not so much a problem of thinking too much about the other parties I'm with... I think it's more like I'm too conscious and irritated with myself, and I'm too concerned about my own thoughts and feelings... I think sometimes even when I'm by myself, I end up trapping myself in a game of checks and balances, in a vicious cycle of doubting that I can do it with God's help and also believing that God will take me through... So maybe, it's a problem of not spending enough time with God... I'm not secure and stable enough in Him... God is not big enough in my life... And with SMU being so busy, it's so easy to go about just doing things and as a form of comfort to keep thinking that it's ok just take it easy on yourself... and by the time you know it, actually you're far away from God because of the lack of time committed to just CONCENTRATE on Him... I think we often fall into the trap of trying to give friends whatever free time we have because we already feel so bad about being busy with school work and our own agenda... But no! Break free from that trap... Don't even fall into it... Haven't you heard? BUSY = Being Under Satan's Yoke. Get away and please be strong in the Lord before you try to do the thousand and one things, even if it's classified under "church activities"...or seek to look for what you need in the thousand and one people, even if they are classified under "Christians"... Who I really need to turn to and be alone with is GOD Himself! Too many people are missing the point and living according to human classifications and standards, including myself...alright I'm human after all...

Today God spoke to me during service (haha I even forgot that I was ushering)... I was thinking about many things and I realised after a while how I haven't been sharing much of the many thoughts that I have to anyone. I haven't met my shepherd for like 2 months? or even more? It's terrible... I haven't been so far from a shepherd for so long. It's not anyone's fault la. You can blame it on "BUSY". I don't like that word. Busy people = people who do too many unnecessary things coz they don't know what God wants them to do. Anyway, I was thinking that in SMU I don't have any girl from church that I can really look to for mature Godly counsel and advice, in my CG I also don't really think so (although just yesterday during GFG I think I realised that I can talk to LiShan so I think I shall go call her one day) and ya that's why I wanna meet up with my ex-shepherd Tracy... wah but it really just pained me to see myself looking for someone to just share with... but there are so many things I've accumulated also until I duno who the best person is to share to... and even for Lim Mian, someone whom I can share so easily with, I duno but she's so busy and I'm confused about what to share with her anymore coz she has so many things to cope with herself... and I was screaming inside that Michelle I need to just talk to you!!!!!!!! and then I have the inner conflict about spending time to just share everything coz I know that she doesn't know me very well and goodness it would surely take long and I would feel super drained sharing... gosh and wow it just becomes a burden... and moreover, if I have more urgent things to do like study for my tests and completing my school work, I don't want to think so much and share so much and cry about it coz I know it's a stupid waste of time coz in the end I know that it's ALL about going back to the Lord and seeking His face... and telling the story can come later, when I have more time to share... goodness... what is this... I had better settle this during the mid-term break before week 9 comes and goodness gracious there's no stopping and ok next thing I know Year One has ended. and wow... what happened... I don't want to be in a daze... God please I pray that You will lead me by Your Spirit... Let me have the mind of the Lord... I need to have more wisdom in everything in my life... But I just thank You for speaking into my heart... You told me how You are more than enough for me... even though people are busy and circumstances might not be exactly how I want it to be, I just hope that I will never compromise on spending time talking to You and I know that as long as I am close to You things will be ok... "Come to me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest."[Mark 6:31] "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."[Matthew11:28] Come to me... Come to me, my child...

Anyway, I feel very thankful today... You know I'm starting to like the uni-YA group more, ever since last week. Last week they didn't use drums and I really felt like it was back to a more traditional kind of service...it was quite nice...like we didn't have to rely on those more rock kind of music to feel excited for the Lord. and this week, for ushering, you know I was so sotong coz I wore the wrong attire! I was supposed to wear jeans...and I wore a skirt...goodness, to think that I rarely wear skirts...when the right occasion arrives to wear skirts, I don't wear them... and when it's the wrong occasion, I go wear a skirt...-_-" And then I forgot about covered shoes...coz I conveniently walked out of the house wearing my open toe flats which I wear every single day until it wears out and it's time to buy a new pair of flats... so I think the only thing that I wore correctly was the white shirt. and haha coz not enough scarfs, I didn't wear a scarf too (I volunteered to because I was already the odd one out anyway)...ya gosh...I can't stand fashion man... and I was all ready to feel guilty and sorry... surprisingly I didn't feel very guilty, although I was sorry. but then a thought came into my head and I thought about the traditional smaller churches and about the heart to serve... I mean just imagine a smaller church with a real desperate need for people to step out to serve... do you think attire really matters? So as much as I know I want to be as excellent as possible in my ministry, I also know that it's more about having an excellent heart... I became even more convinced and very encouraged when Rachel (my ushering leader) told me that it was alright. Seriously I had half the mind to tell her that I was willing to opt out and serve on another week or something... but somehow I felt that ok I shouldn't...it's not about man's outward appearances, but God looks at the heart. And ok! Can you imagine my joy! I really felt the joy that God gave me the chance to serve today... I really felt that God I'm doing this for your kingdom...I am ushering people into Your house... It's not based on what I wear... I just hope to bring them into Your house by showing Your love and the joy I have in You to them... wow wow wow. haha. super encouraged...... funny isn't it. a little thing like this. to just know that I'm not being condemned coz I was all ready to feel condemned (like I was bending my head down when I walked to and fro from the auditorium and the toilet coz I felt very paiseh). such joy in the Lord :)

lol...anyway I don't know who reads my blog... but I just want to say please don't judge me from what I blog about. It's really my thoughts at a particular point of time. I have so many other thoughts that you don't know about, perhaps even I myself haven't discovered the many deeper thoughts I have. Please don't end up spreading inaccurate judgements about my relationship with God or my shepherd Michelle. I am ultimately God's "work-in-progress". Hmmm, you can pray for me if you want to :) I sure need prayer. You can tell me if you need prayers too :) I love God very much and I love His people too.

Happy Friendship & Valentine's Day :)

2009-02-13T02:06:00.002+08:00

Dear Lord,
I just want to REJOICE and thank You for this wonderful day that You have made :) I know that at many points in time I tend towards my emotions rather than to base my pure faith in You. But I know that You never ever give up on me. And that's why I never give up building up my faith and security in You.

I wonder about many things that I don't understand, but ultimately I know that You are the one in control. These are probably easier said than done. But I believe that they will be done. Faith is what takes me there.

Often, I realise that I am able to encourage people much much better than myself. I "kill" myself with my own thoughts and I can't get out of it. However, I must learn to walk out of my own prison. I remember a teaching last time called "Barriers to Trust" and it impacted me very greatly. I learnt how we create prisons for ourselves, and we just sit inside it. Although God has already unlocked the prison doors, we refuse to walk out into the freedom that we have. And hey, why don't I walk out into the freedom I have and use my life to bless others around me instead of suffocating in my own prisons? Hmmm. If I can't even believe for myself the power of God's mighty hand in my life, how can I believe that He can truly work miracles in other people's lives?

2009-02-11T04:08:00.000+08:00

Heal The Wound by Point of Grace

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

I have not lived a life that boasts of anything
I don't take pride in what I bring
But I'll build an altar with
The rubble that You've found me in
And every stone will sing
Of what You can redeem

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

Don't let me forget
Everything You've done for me
Don't let me forget
The beauty in the suffering

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

http://www.tangle.com/view_video.php?viewkey=f39946d4782597af71ec

I didn't attend the church service when this song was sung. But people seem to like it a lot and so I went to find the link.

----------------------------------------------------------

Dear Lord,

This world is so hard to understand. I don't understand the people. I don't understand what's happening.

Sometimes I want to ask if it's ok to put up fronts. I think my next essay, which is due next week, will be somewhat vaguely about that. I told myself that in whatever I write I will never write something I don't feel for.

Sometimes I cry a lot coz I hate the world. I don't like what I go through sometimes. My mum used to cry a lot and blame herself a lot too. But I also told my mum how each family has its own pains.

God You have laid out a life for us which we don't understand. We probably will never understand it anyway until we meet You again.

But God You have given us hope in this world. Hope, love and grace in You, even through the people and the situations we hate.

God is love.

2009-01-24T03:20:00.002+08:00

oh man. if you really peer into my heart right now, Christ is really really small :(

often I surprise myself when I realise how weak I am inside. My self-confidence is smaller than a peanut.

I wonder why I still find myself in such situations.

But at least I know how to handle them much better now :)

God I pray for a stronger heart and a stronger conscience :)

I guess that's why my name's Gabrielle ---> which means 'God is my strength'.

He truly is my strength.

2008-12-11T05:14:00.004+08:00

And we can be assured that God is always at work. Let us labour in prayer.

[Job 33:12-14]

"12 But I tell you, in this you are not right, for God is greater than man. 13 Why do you complain to him that he answers none of man's words? 14 For God does speak - now one way, now another - though man may not perceive it."

2008-12-11T04:18:00.002+08:00

Dear Lord,

I thank You for taking me through this exam period - the first in my university life. You know what was special about this time? Unlike in JC and unlike all the exam periods before I came to know You, this time I can really say that I tried my best. I really felt joy during this exam period. It's so different from the previous times when I'm just torn down by my own emotions and negative thoughts that bombard my mind. Actually I still do feel stressed, definitely more stressed compared to other people... but I guess that's a weakness of mine... I'm really quite easily stressed up and anxious especially when it comes to times of testing like this because I always feel like I cannot do it well. Even though I may have faith in other areas of my life, somehow in the area of grades and results, I feel like giving up many more times in the process. But God You never fail to carry me through and You strengthen my faith and You give me courage to move on.

This reminds me of this verse in [Exodus 14:13-15] which encourages me a lot: '13 Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. 14 The Lord will fight for you;you only need to be still." 15 Then the Lord said to Moses, "Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on." '

I have received some of my results already. To tell You the truth, I was rather disappointed when I received the results. To make things worse, a few friends who asked me about my results achieved really good grades. Not that I am trying to compete with them, because I really don't want to run the same race as everyone else - that is of chasing after GPAs. But somehow this made me question why You don't bless me with better results. I start to think: Why can't I just be one of those who achieves? And then my mind starts to fill with doubts and I begin to think why You have to put me through a whole round of doing badly again throughout my school life like in JC. It only gets worse and I lose hope in You. Yet....... I know that there is no point in this. I only know that I'm not being thankful enough and I'm definitely not seeing the big picture. And so I often find myself caught between choosing to think that "grades do matter" and "grades do not matter".

But in the end, I guess it's really not about choosing to think whether grades do matter or not, because that is a judgment by the world, yet who are we to judge such things? Even if we judge, what does that really amount to? working our heads off for what? for grades that do matter? and grades that matter to what? I think it's really tough when we're fighting against being disillusioned by this world that offers so many goodie bags full of seemingly attractive stuff... it's tough to stand firm in your beliefs (and I don't just refer to the Christian faith, but just in general your personal beliefs) in this world which has become so skeptical...

But God says in [Galatians 6:4-5] "4 Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to someone else, 5 for each one should carry his own load."

I am glad that I no longer have to keep comparing with the world, for I am not living by the world's standards anymore, but by God's standards.

God I pray that You may grow me in this area of really living life for You and knowing that You are more than sufficient for me, especially when it comes to the area of achievements where I tend to compare with others around me and focus on doubting own abilities rather than believing in what Your power and Your mighty grace. I really pray for a breakthrough in this area which You have already grown me a lot in, because I really want to pass this test and to be secure in You and my faith shall no longer waver in this area. Thank You Lord. Please help me to remember the reasons that this is a school and a course that I had chosen after much consideration and I seek to do my best for You. I give my all to You Lord.

Dear Lord, I also want to pray for my sheep who is having her medicine paper in 4 days. May You bless her with an abundance of joyfulness and peace in You as she studies and know that You will bring her through this as she perseveres on to do her best for You. I pray that You may use her to be salt and light for You during this exam period as a loving daughter and also a caring friend who reaches out to others around her. I pray that she will look beyond just getting good grades also, but rather to always remember that this is a course that You have given her and she has chosen to go forth in it despite it being tough. I thank You for the very work You are doing in her today and I believe in even greater miracles and breakthroughs as Your mighty Hand moves in her life.

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen. :) God You're good in the good and the bad times. You are the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

2008-11-26T20:45:00.002+08:00

I'm so tired! statistics paper was so hard =( for me at least... >< hmmm but it's alright. I still have Financial Accounting paper tomorrow... need to continue persevering... God please help me! during stats paper today I already felt like giving up during the MCQ.. in fact I was very tired before the paper already... I duno about FA... I'm so tired I can't even bring myself to start studying...

Anyway really pray for the people of Thailand... I feel v sad that they're in this state now... with the financial crisis, they still have to face unrest amongst themselves and with the leaders of the country. How to lead the country out of the financial crisis now? which is the more immediate problem... but with so many angry people... But I also pray that God You'll use the Christians there =) in You we trust!

2008-11-26T03:03:00.002+08:00

hey! it's in the midst of exams in SMU... I've just completed 2 papers - one on Monday and another on Tuesday! I've 2 more to go - one on Wednesday and another on Thursday. haha yes it's 4 papers in 4 days in a row. but well, I must appreciate that it's not 5 papers in 4 days which some of my friends had to go through >< hmmm. of course there are those who have exam periods that start on monday and end on tuesday. so lucky right! like Zelanie.. haha but it's cool because Wednesday is her birthday! WHICH IS TODAY! Haha...

HAPPY NINETEENTH BIRTHDAY ZELANIE!!! =D

Okay I know Zelanie doesn't read my blog...but she might one day =p
Well I must say that I'm very blessed this period =) really really really blessed and I'm so encouraged and so loved that I've so much energy in me because I'm so excited! I keep laughing and smiling, even to myself a little. haha... But during this period people have prayed for me... and I really feel God's power in my life and my emotions. I really feel like there's been a great breakthrough in the area of studies...which I can't seem to let go at all last time. I was imprisoned by studies I guess. But I have really learnt a lot not to feel that way. It's amazing to really see how I'm transformed by God's Hand, because in situations which I know I really cannot handle, God brings me through it... This is very evident in terms of control and stability in my emotions...which is such a tough area to control... but wow... haha. I can't believe I'm so joyful in an exam period. don't even talk about blogging about it. I think the joyfulness in itself is already amazing ahha. ok I'm just amazed. wahaha.

Guess what! My parents are joining a caregroup! how much more amazing is that! I can't believe it actually. I mean my parents aren't the most sociable people around. They are nice people and are generally warm and friendly towards other people, but they're definitely not the type that enjoys socialising and they take little initiative to have all these kinda gatherings, especially with friends... in my entire life, I dun remember my parents organising any gathering to invite friends to our house... Relatives also not really... usually we go over to their house... well in short, they are passive people. but you know especially in my mum, it's amazing how she is so fired up inside to want to do something... like she asked me to pray for my brother and we sat together like a CG to pray for his PSLE results... and then my dad and her prayed for me on sunday night before exams started this week... although she doesn't do the actual praying out loud because she's not the very eloquent kind and she feels awkward to pray out loud, she initiates and sees the power in prayer. And I can see she's rather excited and looking forward to caregroup! she even agreed to go for bible study next year... Lol!!!!!!!!!! ok I duno, this just makes me feel so tickled coz I can't believe it! But God is really WONDERFUL and FAITHFUL =D

Alright, share more again! cya!

2008-11-05T02:37:00.002+08:00

Hey! Here is my family =) It's so rare that we've taken a photo together. Even our dog Snowy is inside the photo! haha... my mum looks a bit shocked though... I think she must be talking halfway while the camera was on timer lol... well doesn't matter, we still had a good time this very Monday night. =) I was initially quite upset because on this very special day I had to rush to hand up my assignment and also do my BGS presentation (which is my most stressful presentation in my opinion!)... and moreover I had just completed a presentation on friday... and the weekend was rushing many things... so that resulted in my family not being able to go for a nice birthday for my mum that weekend. =( Fortunately they were accommodating and had the dinner on monday night, which is actually not a very good choice because it was a weekday night. oh well >< I guess my mum's birthday was really a great blessing for me because I could just relax after a stressful Monday =)

my family! =)

my dad + mum = a 100-year-old couple =p

Hehe, here are 4 of my new friends! =) They are from my CT (Creative Thinking) project group. This is the first photo that I've ever taken together with a project group in SMU... haha, I really wanted to take a photo because I don't want SMU to spoil the whole idea of friendships forged in school by making it seem like we're just colleagues in our project groups. I think most people in SMU just do projects for the sake of it. They can't wait for the project to end. They can't wait for the project meetings to end. And they just conveniently forget about all the friends they have made for the past 10 weeks in that particular semester as they move on with their own life, their own friends, their own next modules and next project groups of acquaintances. And they conveniently forget all about each other. What a self-centered lifestyle. SMU should stop trying to focus on being different. Everyone seems to be so carried away with the idea of being different from others that they are really merely different from others on the surface, yet fundamentally no different from them in that they are all just being similarly self-centered. Instead, it should focus on being different from people who are just too carried away with things that do not matter.

Well, SMU is indeed where I believe my life, my thoughts and my character will be greatly transformed... for the better (I hope)! =p

Forever - Hillsong

2008-09-17T16:01:00.002+08:00

FOREVER - Hillsong

I'll Worship at Your Throne
Whisper my own love song
With all my heart I'll sing
For You my Dad and King
I'll live for all my days
To Put a smile on Your face
And when we finally meet
It'll be for eternity

And Oh how wide You open up Your arms
When I need Your love
And how far You would come
If ever I was lost
And You said that all You feel for me
Is undying love
That You showed me through the cross

I'll worship You my God
I'll worship You my God
I love You
I love You
Forever I will sing
Forever I will be with You
Be with You

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDigBNAzX4U&feature=related

As we grow up there are so many more decisions to make that get even more and more complex as you have to consider more and more of the future. We cannot live like young kids anymore in our own playbox. But I guess it's okay when you are clear about what/who you are really living for. Things get a lot clearer from there.

And Oh how wide You open up Your arms when I need Your love and how far You would come. So generously You give. Can I give the same?

SMU

2008-08-28T23:32:00.002+08:00

HEY! haha. I am now an official SMU student who has survived her first 1.5 weeks in uni! haha. I guess it's quite alright. All my fears about the competitive culture, the arrogant and uncaring people, the active class participation requirements, and so on....have all COME TRUE! lol. okok I'm just joking. In reality, it's still quite alright. I actually LIKE SMU (so far). haha. I like it that there are seminar style lessons because it's shorter. haha. I guess I prefer to have less lesson time and more time to manage on my own. I think tutorials and lectures would have taken up more time per week. Hmmm I guess I also like it that SMU would encourage me to speak up more in the end. Yup, notice that I used the word 'ENCOURAGE' and not 'force' or 'pressure'. At least that's the case for now. Maybe it's because there are still people who are really quiet and so I don't feel so alone. And I have managed to participate in class this week so I think it's good progress. As long as I continue to enjoy the lessons (my professors are really quite nice), I think I would have the personal desire to contribute more in my classes.

I think God has really blessed me with very helpful friends around. I guess I haven't made very close friends yet whom I'll stick around to study with, but during the times when I needed help or encouragements (like to speak up more) my friends were there. I mean it would have been quite normal in Hwachong, but I definitely didn't expect very much from SMU. Haha.. Perhaps I have been having very low expectations. I can only pray that God will help me along as I meet different sorts of people whom I may not be able to clique with. hehe.

Alright. Yup. Short update about my life. haha. God is good! :)

2008-07-24T07:19:00.000+08:00

How Can I Keep From Singing - Chris Tomlin

There is an endless song
Echoes in my soul
I hear the music ring
And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing

I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives
And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give

I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And I fall down again
I can sing 'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I'll sing with the angels
And the saints around the throne

What Are You Living For?

2008-07-06T19:56:00.002+08:00

I was talking to my friend about the story 'Kite Runner' one day. After I read the book, for a few seemingly insane moments, I felt that I actually wanted to be in the position of the little Afghan child in the streets, where all they needed to care about was their survival, their immediate family like parents and siblings (if they had any), and to treasure that one or two friends they had in their lives. And they need not care about falling into the trap of being materialistic and always chasing achievement after achievement and trying to be well-liked among their circles of friends (whether or not the friendships are deep).

I thought her response would be something like: why would you want to be the Afghan kid? The grass is always greener on the other side... and I'm sure if you were in Afghanistan, you'd rather live a life where your survival needs are all met... Because with your survival needs being met, in fact you can live an even more meaningful life by just guarding yourself against being materialistic and all the worldly stuff.

But to my surprise her response was: (paraphrased) why would you want to be the Afghan kid? Why are you living to try to survive? I mean, what are you trying to survive for?

Then it really stunned me...her question really made me think. In the case of the Afghan child, what's the point of struggling to survive...to die at the end of his life? might as well die now? why survive to die?

Similarly, it got me thinking about my own life and in fact everyone else's lives. What's the point of trying to live my life day after day to study hard to earn more money to live another day...another year...to die at the end of my life? might as well die now? why survive to die?

I'm not trying to sound suicidal but if you don't know what you are living for or are living for all the wrong reasons, it is suicidal.

Do you live for riches? Do you live for friends or friendship? Do you live for family? Do you live your life for the 'experience of life'...and really what are you going to do about this experience? Maybe be happy and satisfied about it, die and call it 'life'? Do you live for your happiness and satisfaction? Do you live for yourself? Do you live?

Here's what my friend wrote on his blog: the finishing line is what makes the marathon meaningful.

Why are you running the marathon for? What are you living for?

2008-05-14T02:56:00.002+08:00

hello! How has everyone been doing? I know I haven't updated this blog for a very long time... it was partly because of the lack of time... and lack of discipline... and lack of desire... haha. but I have decided to update today~ heh so far my life has been very eventful and fruitful. It's really one of the best periods of my life. I think life can only get better... coz the longer you live, the more the happy times you build up, the more the relationships you build up, the stronger the relationships you build up, the more the fruits you reap...and the better the person you become..... right?

I needed God in all that. and that's why I really think my life is so much more fruitful now. yay you know I brought my parents to church and they wanna try their best to make the effort to go to church every Sunday now! :)

ok and I'm not just becoming some lunatic about God God God all day. but then I have to mention God in my entries coz it's true that God is the one who really helps me in my life. And thank God for that... like better family relationships...woah it's really heartening to see my family growing to become closer. We all try our best to make more time for each other... even though "our best" isn't "the best" but we still try and I can see that it's not just my mother scolding us all day anymore. And I dun think that can happen just like that... it's really so so so good to hear from my own mum, "I really think that relationships are the most important thing in the world"... and she also said to me "I'm very happy that we can talk just like that... can talk about anything under the sun"... and somehow my brother, sister and I quarrel less too... we are really happier with one another and woah I really see a change in myself that I'll go to my sister's room a few times to talk to her at night. last time I really wouldn't do that at all.

ok anyway my life is just working at MOM, serving at church, and spending time with my family... sometimes spend time with my class... sometimes with other friends... heh. I wish life can be like that forever. haha... okay except for the money part. surely can't survive with a measly $600 every month. I dun like CPF =(

And I'm really saddened about Myanmar and China...that they have to face such terrible disasters in their country... you know sth? During my SMU interview session I met a wonderful Myanmar girl who migrated to Singapore... It really felt as if I met a long-lost friend or something. It was so easy to talk to her! And you know there was none of that fierce competitive selfish spirit in her... At the start of the interview she actually asked me to sit closer to her... and initially when I didn't speak up she nudged me and encouraged me to speak up... such a nice friend right? So after a while when she started to become quiet while I spoke up more, I also encouraged her to speak up... woah I was so touched haha. And we exchanged contact after the interview... Hmmm, oh and thank God that her relatives are all fine in Myanmar... =)

Oh yea, so far I've only been accepted by SMU for business... NUS and NTU haven't replied me at all... But oh my there was such a joy in my heart when I got accepted for SMU. Finally! after waiting for such a long time while all those around me were receiving letters from all 3 schools... But woah you must understand why I'm so happy... It's coz of a few reasons:
1) At first I crossed out SMU coz I thought I surely won't fit into the "talk more and you win" culture. So I just anyhow submitted my application without putting much heart into it.
2) I only went to buy nice clothes for my SMU interview on the day itself. So last minute right! lol...
3) I spent the day of my SMU interview with my parents... My mum doesn't work la, and so happened that my father's company shut down for one week coz the electronics sector in Singapore not doing well... Yeah so they went shopping for my clothes with me... We also went for lunch and had a good talk... and my dad was so helpful in telling me about all the current affairs, coz I haven't been reading up much in detail so I asked him to spam me with everything he knew... (ok but turned out that none of what my father told me came out.. the article I was given was about "why powerful men would risk everything to get sex" or something along those lines haha)
4) My parents were elated (happier than I was) to know that I got a place at SMU... woah you should see how much my father wants SMU... He wants to go to SMU more than I do I think... Lol.. ok...
5) I met a super nice Myanmar girl who light up my life at the interview coz she gave me so much support and I didn't feel so nervous.
6) I was very impressed with the SMU professors - the way the briefed us before the interview to tell us that we should come to SMU only if we like their pedagogy, and the way they accessed us without the need to ask us boring questions like "so why do you want to come to SMU?" and "why do you want to study business?"

Alright... shall update more next time. Everyone do go enjoy life before UNI starts! ahha.

Third Day – Love Song

2008-05-06T01:18:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqWJ4rPzhQA

I've heard it said that a man would climb a mountain
Just to be with the one he loves
How many times has he broken that promise
It has never been done.

I've never climbed the highest mountain
But I walked the hill of calvary

Chorus:
Just to be with you, I'd do anything
There's no price I would not pay
Just to be with you, I'd give anything
I would give my life away.

I've heard it said that a man would swim the ocean
Just to be with the one he loves
How may times has he broken that promise
It can never be done

I've never swam the deepest ocean
But I walked upon the raging sea

Repeat chorus

(Bridge) I know that you don't understand
the fullness of My love
How I died upon the cross for your sins
And I know that you don't realize
how much that I gave you
But I promise, I would do it all again.

Just to be with you, I've done everything
There's no price I did not pay
Just to be with you, I gave everything
Yes, I gave my life away.

I Can Only Imagine

2008-05-06T01:13:00.002+08:00

I can only imagine what it will be like, when I walk by Your side...
I can only imagine, what my eyes will see, when Your Face is before me.
I can only imagine. I can only imagine.

Surrounded by Your Glory, what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you, Jesus? Or in awe of You, be still?
Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing 'Hallelujah!'? Will I be able to speak at all?

I can only imagine. I can only imagine.

CLM photos :)

2008-03-24T16:19:00.005+08:00

First meeting at KAP:

pretty girls! :)
not-so-handsome guys! HAHA =p
our first CLM photo :)
(Sida, where are you!)

CG at Tracy's house:

Gathering around waiting for CG to begin!

Gamemasters - Kat! and Shijie (where's he?)

Waiting for CG games to begin! :)

Balloon Game! TEAM 1 balloon representative - Samuel Cheng!

Balloon Game! TEAM 2 balloon representative - Mr. Potato aka Guofeng! =pTeam 2! We are a dynamic team! :)

Aha!~ Shijie the other gamemaster with his pink balloon! :)

The worship leader - Sida! :)

Guest Guitarist Cheng! :)

Whoever is sharing must wear the "mao mao" thing! haha...
Guofeng sharing!

Sharing animatedly =p

"mao mao" thing is on SengKim!
SengKim sharing!

Sida sharing!
(Look at his mouth! Sida's-funny-shots-(1)! =p)

Kat sharing! (dunno why must hold bread and share...lol)

Shijie sharing! (with his Hitler pose)

Me sharing!

Tracy sharing!

Listening..
(Sida's-funny-shots-(2)! =p)

Listening...

Our dearest leader Tracee! We love you :)

CLM at Just Acia:

Sengkim, Tracy, Shijie!

Sengkim the doubly lame guy =p

Kat and I! :)

OHHO! Here comes Mr.Potato!

Sida! posing? haha...

Mr.Potato playing with his fringe AGAIN.

CLM photo :) Ignore shijie! Look at US in the MIRROR! Haha!

CLM at Taka:

Eating our dinner in the rain =p

SengKim and Mr.Potato

Shijie and SidaFOOD is a blessing from above!
Quotable Quotes: Everything is eatable, but not everything is edible!
I will go to Your secret place :)
OMG. zhong guo wa wa! =p
AHHH. LOL!
outside the bunny shop =p
squatting outside the bunny shop again!
girls photo :)
say 'NO' to Violence!!
(AHH. Or you'll end up like SengKim. Haha! okok joking =p)
yay guess whose fingers belong to which person! =p
Guofeng and his similar/congruent triangles!

And finally:

I really love this group of people that God has placed in my life. I'm really privileged to be able to learn lots from God through this group! I don't know why I'm in this group, because I really feel sotong still. But I believe that God has placed us strategically in this position for a reason. So let's really be effective and clean vessels for Him to use. :) Despite the big changes, be strong and courageous! For God has overcome all. And He will be with us each step we take.

7 is a special number that God often uses to do His perfect work :)

i'm joyful and sustained:)

2008-02-24T03:53:00.006+08:00

Siyun and I at our usual shepherding hangout! :)

spiritual buddies: this photo is so cute! I love suet:)

405! :)
yongsheng!

haha! Y-hope choir soppies!
gene, me, mian!405 clique! (I think lilin's getting dunked! heh..)
soulmate dear :)
LiLin's surprise bdae party! :)

2008-02-17T03:55:00.001+08:00

Potter's Hand
by Hillsong United
album: Shout to the Lord 2000 (1999)

Beautiful Lord, Wonderful savior
I know for sure all of my days are held in your hands
Crafted into your perfect plans

You gently called me into your presence
Guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord to live all of my life
Through your eyes

I'm captured by your holy calling
Set me apart. I know you're drawing me to yourself
lead me, Lord. I pray

Oh Take me, mold me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the potter's hand
Oh Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
I give my life to the potter's hand

You gently call me into your presence
Guiding me by your holy spirit
Teach me dear lord to live all of my life through your eyes

I'm captured by your holy calling
Set me apart. I know you're drawing me to yourself
lead me, Lord. I pray

Oh Take me, mold me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the potter's hand
Oh Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
I give my life to the potter's hand

2008-02-11T17:46:00.000+08:00

2008-02-01T08:39:00.000+08:00

I'm currently sitting in the RV staff room, obviously doing what I'm not supposed to be doing. Ok I know perhaps I should be looking through the notes again to recap what I'm supposed to teach, but I've really looked through so many times till I'm bored of them. Lol! Don't worry sheep! I won't let y0u down! Although I did the first day. I'm so sorry... I didn't get to teach you know, because I reached school late and so the HOD didn't allow me to teach even though I only had one forty minute lesson that day at 9am, and to think that I already woke at 5+ to get ready coz I was afraid to be late. But guess what! I took almost 2 hours to get there! So I ended up reaching school at 8am instead of 7.30am. Oh well... But nvm, today I reached at 7.05am! Haha because I found out a different route.

2008-01-25T14:30:00.000+08:00

i think it's pretty queer how despite being fearful of judgement, one can still be so open and willing to make himself vulnerable about his life. or perhaps by being so open and vulnerable, people are faced with the direct truth and reality and sincerity until they have no more room for judgement. and that's why there's no point in hiding anything about your life.

ProjectPAINTBRUSH

2008-01-21T21:09:00.001+08:00

Hey if any of you are bored, you can visit http://projectpaintbrush.blogspot.com/ and take a look at the project that my caregroup in church has decided to take up! :) We're painting HDB flats for old folks under Lion's Befrienders organisation. Heh it has really been great fun working hard for both fundraising sessions to buy enough paint and brushes as well as the painting sessions themselves! Ok actually we've only had one painting session so far which involved us painting 2 HDB apartments at Boon Keng just yesterday on 20th Jan! I think I've really learnt lots and gained lots from this project in less tangible ways too :)

the painting team at lunch break! :)

One thing I have certainly improved in is my culinary skills! lol! Haha I've never baked anything before except for the CA3 cheesecake back in HCCG! Haha, but then again, I wasn't involved in the actual baking now I think of it... lol! Oh dear I'm so unhelpful. I do remember being in the kitchen area though...and the eating part too... haha... maybe they decided I was too noob in my cooking skills! Haha, but anyhow, this time in the graduates group, I guess God forced me to put my noob skills to work since I was the only one whose job allowed me to be available in the mornings... so I had to be there for both cookie-baking sessions! Woah the 2nd one was scary coz cutcake found a job and I was the only one left with Abigail. We did it at Abigail's mum's stall... While I was sieving the flour, Abi's mum said something like "woah girl, at the rate you are going, you are going to break the sieve through!" oh man! and that was my first task of the day la... How saddening... haha... But never mind... here's a photo of the cookies that had my contributions k! Not bad right! =p haha... okok must be humble... lol...

yumyum! don't they look yummy? haha!

Hmmm yup I think I've also definitely got to talk more to the people in my CG through this project... It's great that my CG is quite small actually, because it allows everyone to interact with each other a lot and so everyone is quite comfortable with each other already by now I believe. I'm really happy la, because for the HC ppl in this CG, I know that I didn't put much effort into talking to them very much in the previous HCCG, but now that ppl like Fungmin, Yvonne, Eunice, QinPei aren't around anymore, I have no choice but to open myself up to the others. Haha, ok la not no choice... but I guess the opportunities to talk to them are now placed directly in front of me such that I am much more aware of them. It's good la, I think God is helping me to open up more. I can't always stick to and talk only to the people whom I am close to.

I love my dearest Abi! ahah...

yay this project has also helped me to open my eyes a lot to the bigger community. It’s really wonderful and meaningful to be able to show love not only to people within the church, but to also let this same love be extended to people outside of church. A lot of times I think people in church focus too much on only caring about church people, bringing people to church, etc. so this is a great project to embark on so that we're not just entrapped within the four walls of church. The church has no walls, after all.

Anyway here's a photo of my cousin, my sister and I! We've been calling ourselves "san1 ge4 ying3" since young.. meaning the three "yings"! haha, because my cousin's called Fang Ying, my sister's called Li Ying, and I'm Hui Ying. haha... we're all 2 years apart - my sister is 15 this year, my cousin is 17 and I'm 19! AH so old my gosh. haha... well anyway my cousin joined my family during our dinner last weekend! Yup and so we took a photo at the famous "LOVE" sculpture since I happened to bring a camera along...

Li Ying, Hui Ying, Fang Ying! :)

Hmmm heh anyway I have a new sheep SiYun! yup haha here's a photo of us at Khatib Macs during our 2nd shepherding session :) She's a great sheep to have la... Really friendly and open! haha... I enjoy our talking sessions very much :)

yay and finally a photo with my shepherd and I! Oh man we're such busy busy busy people. But I'm really glad that we are still able to make time for each other. I miss talking to you! Hmmm I think God has really made a way for us every week or at least every fortnight to be able to meet up despite our busy schedules :) yay thank God for that!

Yay this photo was taken during class dinner at Sakura where each girl had to pay lots of $$ each since we were treating the guys! Ahhh pain pain. Haha but it was worth it for all the 2 years la :)

Alright, I still have lots more to say. I'll update more soon! :)

2008-01-21T03:28:00.000+08:00

Hello! How has everyone been doing? The guys have gone off to NS, while the girls have gone off to work. Anyway tell you all a joke... Guess what my father said when he went to the MacDonald's drive-thru and was asked for his order? He asked, "Can I have 1 MacDonald's set meal?" -_-" He was supposed to order Mc Chicken set meal! hahaha! He's so blur! Maybe that IS the great revelation as to where I inherited my sotong genes from! haha...

Hmmm well it's been great NOT going to school actually... It allows me to concentrate so much more on the things that I want to do! Hmmm... and I think the things that I do now everyday are really rather meaningful... Hmmm in school there are also meaningful experiences but I guess now it's minus the stress by 200%... For me at least. Heh. I currently have an admin job at Hans Language Centre, and also a tuition job. It's really sounds quite slack right... But it's good since it allows me to have lots of time to spend with different people...Like my mum especially! I can say that I spend so much more time with my mum now especially in the mornings since most people would be working then... heh. It's great la :) My mum and I are definitely closer, and we learn to tolerate each other more in that we won't be so sensitive towards comments... like for instance I learn to dismiss her advice as "nagging" less quickly... haha...

ok I'm really sleepy now I shall post more tmr or some time next week :)

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! :)

2007-12-13T10:38:00.000+08:00

HAHA! I promise this post to be one of the longest that I've ever written! Since I have been absent from the blogging scene for so long. 'A'-levels ended exactly 3 weeks ago... Everytime others ask me about it, I tell them that I can't remember anything... lol. But no la I guess I just don't wanna talk about it again la... lol... after waiting so long for it to be over!~ Anyhow, I think the papers were quite tough actually, relative to the past year papers that I've done. The exception was math paper 2, which everyone was especially confident about... haha. Hmmm but I think the best thing to remember about 'A'-levels is that I wasn't as stressed as I would've been even though I was quite disappointed with some of the papers, like making careless mistakes where I shouldn't have. heh I think I have learnt to let go a lot and relax more! which is a great feeling! And I think I gotta thank God for my mum coz she was so supportive, especially regarding fetching me home from school almost every single night without fail as I stayed in school to study and also preparing dinner for me before going to bed. I'm really touched by this act of love <3 haha I must be a more loving daughter too =)

Well, I've kinda forgotten what it's like to study already... ahah but okay either way I don't think I wanna remember. yupyup my post-'A's have been fun and meaningful! :)

On 22Nov, when our bio MCQ ended, there wasn't a great burst of screams and shouts in the hall as expected... I guess the atmosphere was a lot milder than everyone thought coz some people still have papers to take, and also partly because many people have already started to slack before this bio MCQ paper... haha. Ahem. For example, some 76 people like Wayne, Sutyee, Leon, Margaret, Ivan, LUJIE!!! and I spent time playing scrabble and citadels in the school library in the midst of studying. Also, we had fun koping food from the Japanese people since they were having some attachment programme in our school. lol this certainly doesn't sound like what should be happening before the end of 'A's, especially for LUJIE (lol but then again he's smart enough la right =p). For the arts people, they had an 11-day break to go shopping and slacking and dunno what! And Yan Yin also went shopping on the weekend before her physics MCQ paper! ahha... see how much slacking there was! oops! Anyway, my class went to play basketball (as usual!) and volleyball after our papers... And we had pizza too! =) But too bad I was talking to Seokh and LiPing, so I had to share the cold pizza with the birds (Wenwei I don't like yr kind!). Thereafter we went to Minds Cafe at Prinsep Street, where we had a great time playing games like 'I'm the boss!', 'Mr. X', etc. Haha I'm sure we all had a fun time losing our voices. Hmmm after that we went to Plaza Sing to have dinner (and for the 3rd time in a row I wasted my ban mian, haha I promise not to eat that again unless I'm really hungry)... and then swensens was our dessert! wheee there was a promotion going on where you buy 1 earthquake and get 1 free! And willis got his free birthday ice-cream... and he stood on the swensens chair and sang a birthday song to himself... lol. Oh ya XinYi and I saw Adora there too! so qiao... Hmmm yupyup it was a great day of fun with the class la. I love our class =) We never go out as cliques but we are always all there together for class activities coz we will all naturally put our class above almost everything =)

On 23Nov, we had CG at the very same Minds Cafe (for Wenwei, Leon and I)! Oh ya Wenwei brought his cute little brother along! haha... I still think he's cute! lol. Hmmm oh but I had to leave very soon coz my mum wanted to go out with my sister and I...but at least I managed to be there to play 'ugly ugly ugly!' with people at my table. haha... Hmmm after that my mum, sis and I went to the orchard area to shop for my prom dress and also to shop around for clothes for fun... haha, I must say I had quite a fun time trying on clothes that my mum chose for me coz I haven't seen myself much in such girly stuff since I was in lower primary. lol... ok but we didn't buy anything la... just try for fun. haha... coz I doubt I will wear those clothes out anyway, so it would be a waste of money$$. Heh.

On 24Nov, I went for this Hope Centre talk which was held at NYP. Finally there's something that's organised in my ULU-ated area - Yio Chu Kang! =) haha not bad la, coz of the food, and we got a shoe bag each too! Lol... okok just joking... the event itself was great la. I didn't know that our church had extended its hand to help the community at large... and it's great to see how people can benefit from the kindness of our church! Hmmm yep after that we had a refreshing service coz it's the first service since 'A's ended! haha... Oh yeah and I had quite a wonderful time with my family coz we went for a family dinner to celebrate my mum's belated birthday. My mum wanted to celebrate her birthday with the family but also wanted to wait until my 'A'-levels were over coz her birthday was in the midst of it. So nice right =) But too bad the food wasn't so nice, even though we went for dinner at a hotel... Quite sad. But it's okay la, I guess the time spent was worth it!

Hmmm on 25Nov I went to study for SATs in the morning at Orchard library first before meeting Lim Mian in the evening at the Swensens along Orchard Road! haha... For those who don't know, that's our usual dating place! haha. So romantic right! lol... we go there for dinner and ice-cream about once in every 6 months =p Yay I'm really glad that we still make the effort to meet up to talk and share about our lives with each other even though we belong to different groups of friends. Think Lim Mian is the only person whom I share a friendship that's so mutual even though we are apart in every way. Different class, different CCA, and she can't go to church for now... and so there's nothing that can connect us and allow us the opportunity to talk. But luckily both of us treasure this friendship lots and so we both make a great effort to meet up. We're also a strong source of encouragement during exam periods, even though sometimes our SMS may sound boring... like always contain the words 'jia you!' ahha, but we appreciate it all the same =) yay thanks Lim Mian for being such a wonderful wonderful friend! =)

hehe. On 26Nov, I was supposed to meet Abigail for movie and lunch! Unfortunately she had to go bake cookies for her CG so we had to postpone this date to a week later. Haha, but maybe it's God's great plan to allow me more time to meet Weiwen! haha we almost ate the "zhen bu tong ban mian" but luckily I remembered my promise not to waste food again... so Weiwen introduced me to another noodle stall... okay but I still wasted quite a lot of food coz the bowls always come in such a large size! =( Oh well but nvm we had a great time talking! And guess what! After that I treated her to TCC! hahaha... Are you jealous! okok yupyup we had an even better time talking there in the comfortable and cosy ambience! Thanks Weiwen for your time! Haha we shall have more of these cool dates more often =p Hmmm after that I had to go for class chalet at costa sands resort! woah took such a long time to get there... and when I finally reached, it seemed that many people were falling sick =( And many couldn't stay for the night, so it was quite sad... but luckily there were still quite a number of us left and so we had quite a lot of fun playing la... Although it didn't seem as eventful as the previous chalets throughout the 3 days and 2 nights, I still enjoyed myself very much all the same. Oh yeah Leon came up with this CS game which was quite cool la... like have to attack each other with ammunition (mini twisties packets) in semi-darkness. haha I thought it was quite frightening at first but in the midst of playing all the fears were forgotten. ahah... oh ya and I must proclaim this to the world: I finally talked a few more sentences to ChiLoooong!!! Lol! Haha... ya and I finally realise that he's a lot nicer than the ChiLoong I pictured in my head for the past 2 years... lol...

On 29Nov, we had our last combined CG with J1s and J2s... It was a farewell CG for the J2s... So the programme was a special one which included lots of affirmations for each other and also recollections about our times together as a J2 batch and definitely not forgetting the all-entertaining "HC Grammy Awards" by R&R! Lol the awards were hilarious lah... Thanks to R&R for putting in so much effort to come up with all the personalised award titles... =)

On 30Nov, ahha that's the last day to try studying a little more for SATs... oh man. But there has been so many things happening throughout the week that I have really neglected my SATs =( horrible. Oh well... but I think I really left it to God! Coz it was my first time taking SATs too. Hmmm I really hope it turns out fine! haha, oh well at night our church attended a corporate prayer meet where we really prayed very hard for ourselves, for our sheep, for our friends, for the church, etc. I think it's great la. God really moves when everyone comes together to pray. I think God really assured me that night that patience, continual prayer and trust in His timing will really pay off... Oh yeah it reminds me of this verse I love: "For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." [Romans 8:24-25]

Okiez, so finally 1Dec arrives... And I wake up sleepily to welcome the SATs. Haha the previous night, JunYao and I were in a mad rush to get home... I think I reached home at around 12.40am. Not to talk about sleeping early the night before your exams. AH. But at least God was kind and somehow my parents didn't scold me or nag at me. yay! Hmmm ok so I met Willis and Juan Boon on the train and we got to ACJC in time. Oh man the paper was really really long... around close to 4 hours. Halfway through I got really bored la. heh... And there was one toilet break in the middle of the paper when Weiwen and I returned about 5 minutes into the paper (which was 25min long). Oh man! They started without us! coz the girls toilet queue is always so long! Moreover, the next section had 35 questions so we had to rush a lot to complete 35 questions in 20 minutes. Fortunately I managed to finish in time, but I'm really not sure about my accuracy. haha... Hmmm oh well, after the paper, we went for a refreshing service which I learnt a lot about adaptability. And ok after that we had a unit meeting to announce the 4 restructured CGs. Heh, it wasn't very saddening la I guess since it's quite expected, except for the pioneering group, which is led by my shepherd Fungmin! =) Yay I'm really excited to see how God will lead your group through you and I'm really expectant for great breakthroughs! Jia you shepherd!! =) Yay I think it's great that I didn't change shepherd la, coz I really have much more to learn from you still. haha... if not I would have switched back to Tracy right... But God is smart la, coz I will be learning lots from Tracy even though she's not my shepherd coz I would be much closer to her in this new CG... and then I will learn lots from you too because God appointed you as my shepherd! So it's like "yi ju liang de" is it? haha ok nvm... the point is that God's plans are great =D yay!

On 3Dec, finally Abigail and I have our movie date at The Cathay to watch "Enchanted"! LOL. But it was a really nice show! We caught the earliest movie of the day at 10.30am or something, so the theatre was practically empty!~ Lol... I think when Abi and I left the cinema we were still stuck in the fairytale land... haha and the song "I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss" also kept playing in our heads. haha... but anyway it was a great time with you Abi! Even though it was a v short while coz after that we had our Word For Life session back at Nexus!

4 Dec - HC PROM 2007! Woah what a glamorous night. It's fun to see everyone looking their best =) But somehow I wasn't extremely stunned la. haha... maybe it's because I've already attended 1 prom and 1 graduation night back in NY where everyone would dress up this way. haha. oh yea you know something! 90% of the time spent at the wonderful ball room of Shangri-la Hotel was to take photos! So here are some photos which I took! (I'm so sorry for the red eyes......oops...)

the first people I met at Shangri-la!
Eating and eating!~ lol...
tRacEE and me! =)
Oh man... Mr. KHAIRULZAD... lol!
Xin Yi!

Wayne HO!
Uncle Joe!
My shepherd's so pretty!!!
And my sheep-mate's so pretty too!!!
yay Jason my shifu!
The former chinese high CG - shepherd, grandsheep, sheep!
Awww... such a loving couple!

CG photo!

choir photo!
4/5 clique
Jie Xun!
I like Simon's hat!Angelic Seraphina!
Kai Xuan!
another loving couple! (wei wei why you two-time!)Willis and Leonzy!
haha having fun with ties and scarfs~
hey how come my ear rings are on their ears!
haha so cool to see Leon smiling in photos right!
His anti-photo disease is starting to wear off!
I love this photo! Margaret!

Yvonne and I!

Yongsheng and I!

On 5Dec after Word For Life, JunYao, Shaun and I went down to choir chalet! Yup I enjoyed myself talking with all my batchmates once again, but somehow I think I don't feel that strong sense of belonging that I can feel with my NY batchmates. The things we talk about - ghosts/horror and sex... oh man... I feel quite sad actually. Halfway when Kimberly was sharing about the Tiger Show during her Cambodia trip, I think I was quite glad that SeokHui asked me to lend her my Word For Life book and so I took the chance to get out of the room for a while to also teach her about it, and partly to cleanse my insides. Oh man I really felt quite crappy. haha. There wasn't any conversation about how we missed singing as a batch or missed our batch itself... but okay la I did enjoy the time when we were singing Christmas carols together =) heh... I really miss the special feeling of singing in a choir... Hmmm oh but I wanna affirm the J1s, especially SeokHui, for putting in so much effort into making this choir chalet a wonderful one for us J2s! Heh... yup too bad I couldn't be there to enjoy the games nor the pasta~! Aww man. haha...

Hmmm okiez on 8 Dec, my sister and I went out before I went for the LCL meeting at Istana Park. Haha... my sister specially bugged me to blog about HER la... LOL. So funny... Ok yes here you go ok. haha... we had breakfast with our mum in the morning at Hans coz somehow the other food outlets at Thomson Plaza either closed down or have not opened yet. After that we took a train to ECP and went cycling! Haha my sister had been waiting for years for my exams to end so that we can go cycling la lol... so cute. So finally after asking for so long, she finally got her wish. But really quite cute la, coz I don't think I'm a very loving sister (oops)... like when I'm studying and she comes into my room, sometimes I'll just ignore her or appear irritated especially when I'm stressed... Then she keep wanting to go out with me still. haha. she's a cool sister to have la right? =p haha okok I'd better treasure her more and treat her better... heh. Yup anyway we had a great time at ECP =) We took some photos but it's in her phone so I don't have them now... Well I guess although it's not as if we engaged in very deep conversation, but I'm just grateful for the time spent with her after neglecting her for so long. Hehe. Oh yea after that we watched Golden Compass at The Cathay haha... Not a bad movie la but I didn't understand some parts. Oh yea guess what! I met Cutcake outside the toilets after the movie! We were actually in the same cinema theatre! ahha so coincidental... =p

Oh and finally here comes: Church Camp! X29 - It's Our Chapter! This lasted for 4 days and 3 nights from 9-12 Dec at the Singapore Sports School! haha the time passed a lot faster than I imagined... I think it was perhaps we already roughly knew what we could expect from the previous 2 church camps. Anyhow, I must say that God spoke to me a lot during this church camp. Not that I had some great revelation or whatever, but He reminded me about many simple attitudes and other things in my daily life that I had to discipline myself in before I can start thinking about breakthroughs in other areas of my life. Oh yeah I definitely had a great time with my sheepy Weiwen this time, since we had so much more opportunity to talk to each other =) I think I've really found great company in her and I find it a joy to share and be very open towards her too! yay! =) I'm so glad for her openness as well... I think she's starting to open up much more not only to me, but also other people like Suet and Abigail who were roommates with us. haha... I'm very contented with our sharing sessions at night! =D I really learnt a lot from all of us. I think having less girls in the CG sort of helped all of us to make the extra effort to get to know everyone better. Yup... even when Zelanie came, oh man! you should have seen... Vanessa + Weiwen + Zelanie = 100x noisier girls until the guys looked at us in shock and worry at our craziness. lol... Oh ya Vanessa and Zelanie are really similar in every way I must say... even their personalities! haha look at their photo below... lol Weiwen very amusing!~ She said that she felt like a mirror when she was talking to Vanessa and Zelanie and was in between them! LOL! Hmmm anyway yup the AC guys were easier to talk to than I expected... haha... But er still quite scary. BUT but but I agree with Tracy that it's still exceeding expectations! Haha... I think they really make the effort to try to integrate into this CG as well la, even though it's quite hard for them... =) yep all in all I'm really quite satisfied with this camp, especially since I have met almost all my camp objectives... But I'm quite disappointed with 2 things la, both which will require a lot of time, prayers, and reliance on God's timing... but hmmm I shan't mention them here... Alright, sit back and enjoy more photos... taken at the camp! =D

At BK!
On the bus trip to SSS!

Whose feet are these!

CA1!

CA3!
CA4!

CA2! (lol the only willing one... the rest all infected by Leon's anti-photo disease)
Room-mates!
Our survival tools at camp!
We all love Jesus! <3>

awww... my dear suetty!

oh my I managed to get a photo of the AC guys! lol...

CA4!

everything alike! haha...

some CG guys at meal time!

CG girls at meal time!

The Chinese High shirt is so awful!!! =(

In the lift...=)

Raphael on the screen!

Shepherd and sheep!

tired...

yay I love Eunice!

so sweet! =)
some CA4 girls!
Suet I wanna pinch your cheeks!
we are so HUGE!
But we're only gonna get BIGGER!
CG!!!
my shepherd and i!
so cute! lol...
Eugene, Weiwei, me, Weiwen
multi-racial (1)
multi-racial (2)
Eunice and Eugene!
choir peeps!
act cute. lol...
shepherd and sheep!
xiang and joanne (hope I got it right)!
The Ravi Dance.
woooo. Raphael is in the air!
wei wei is pregnant!!! AH.
i love weiwen!

Weiwen loves me!

cutcake!
macho man!
same height! haha... ok Kenny says he's 1cm taller =p

why you shoot me!
i shoot you back!
suet and abi =)
woah the 2 tall girls of HC!
splits!
luke!

wei wen! wei wei! haha...
my guai guai pets. lol...
lol. zi pai.
Jun Yao is a BIG BULLY! =(

Unit photo! =)

Patrice and I!
WanChien and I!
X29 - It's Our Chapter! =)
The verses of CA4 in X29!

Alright! That's about all for this entry! For those who finished reading every word of it, I really kowtow to you. haha! I shall be leaving for Italy and Switzerland tonight (or rather tomorrow 1am) with my family... haha. Hope I'm not making you jealous... I shall bring back gifts or chocolates or some things for you guys! Heh I do pray for a great Christmas harvest! I'm really sad that I can't be part of it this year since I'll only be back on the 26th. But anyhow, I will be praying and I'll join you guys in the post-Christmas harvest! Heh... Yup have an awesome + fruitful time! =) see ya guys!

2007-11-07T15:46:00.000+08:00

(From:http://www.flickr.com/people/crazytallblond/)

With All I Am

Hillsong Music Australia – For All You've Done

by: Paulo HSG

Into Your hands

I commit again

With all I am, for You, Lord

You hold my world

In the palm of Your hand

And I am Yours forever

Jesus I believe in You

Jesus I belong to You

You’re the reason that I live

The reason that I sing

With all I am

I’ll walk with You

Wherever You go

Through tears and joy

I’ll trust in You

And I will live

In all of Your ways

And Your promises, forever

I will worship

I will worship You

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” -Marianne Williamson

2007-09-23T11:35:00.000+08:00

I SIMPLY LIVE FOR YOU

Say the word and I will sing for You
Over oceans deep I will follow
If each star was a song
And every breath of wind praise
It would still fail by far to say
All my heart contains
I simply live, I simply live for You

As the glory of Your presence
Now fills this place
In worship we will see You face to face
There is nothing in this world
To which You can be compared
Glory on glory, praise upon praise
You bind the broken hearted
And save all my tears
And by Your word You set the captives free
There is nothing in this world
That You cannot do
I simly live, I simply live for You

Yesterday's worship was a really special one for me :)

The first song's the one seen above. And it's a song I loved the moment I heard it! Heh... and the first time I heard it was when I visited CG for the first time at YanShao's condo function room. I still remember contemplating over whether I should go coz I hadn't converted at that time... So I was asking some classmates at the class bench to help me make the decision. Anyway the CG left first while I stayed at the class bench coz my decision-making process is worse than a snail's crawling speed. Then Leon smsed and said "I know you want to come right... Just come come come!!!" And haha when he/I called, I remember hearing in the background the CG playing games and someone (is it Xiangyu haha) screaming about Leon wearing a skirt. haha okay somehow, against all my doubts, I just decided to go. When I reached, games were over and it was worship session already. I remember being very surprised and happy at the same time to see Suet, at least someone familiar. haha. And yea the 2 songs were "I simply live for you" and "above all" (which DaiXuan sang solo for us during the worship session). haha I still miss the first song sometimes and I wonder why we never sing it anymore ever since then. and sometimes I would make a mental note to myself that if I did worship next time, I would use this song even though it was unfamiliar to most in the CG now. haha. and it was just a few hours before church that I was listening to this song on the comp. So it was really cool that while my mind was really quite unfocused during the praise session, God brought me back in awe with this song. God spoke much to me during this song and while I was still immersed in deep thought, guess what the next song was - "Beautiful Saviour"! haha, for those whom I study with and borrow yr ipods/mp3s, you probably know that this song is one that helped me to sail through the prelim period perhaps a little more smoothly coz I would loop this song over and over while I studied. haha. and I love this song as well! haha. So I'm really thankful for having these two songs which spoke to me lots during worship :)

Hmmm anyway these few days I've been reading quite a bit, taking out old books from the storeroom which I haven't seen in ages. heh and I'm glad that they've gently reminded me about what I've learnt before in the past but forgotten as I scamper through this busy college life :)

We live in a world of sight - a large cause of our unsatisfaction. We see ourselves succeeding, and yet when we see others doing better, we see ourselves failing. We look away and tell ourselves, hey let's not compare, we live our own individual lives. But when we turn back and continue living our everyday lives, we inevitably see what other's lives are about, we see that they've got the better stuff, that they've got so much more. We see that we don't have what they have, we see that we cannot achieve what they have. Maybe it's time for us close our eyes for a while, just as we do when we sleep, and that's when we have dreams. It's the time when we shut our eyes, shut the eyes of our heart and stop looking at the world, that we start to dream and hope.

""We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." [Romans 8:22-25]

"You see," he says to the girl, "you closed your eyes. That was the difference. Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. You must trust - even when you're in the dark. Even when you're falling."

2007-07-07T10:04:00.000+08:00

HEY! Blocks are finally over and everyone's in the midst of receiving results. Most haven't done too well due to the school raising the standards of the papers. Oh well but let's not go around comparing and despair! =) I'm sure that we've tried our best in the circumstances that we were put in. Let's be driven by what has been spoken to us during camp! heh, and speaking of camp, here are some photos that LiLin took during camp! haha, I've been too lag in checking my hotmail account and didn't realise that the photos have been lying there for so long. Thanks L^3! heh.

Our dearest shepherd and 2 of her sheepys!

My dearest ABIGAIL!
(YOU)

(LOVE <3)

(ME!)

My beloved CA3 (with all the warm and nicey people =p)!!!

Yay. I really love my CG! haha. We're such warm and sweet people who will never fail to make your heart melt! Although we may appear quietER on the outside, ahem but you never know what's going on INSIDE~! HAHA. I love the time at Yan Yin's house when we spent such a simple time together making a CA3 cheesecake, watching "spongebob" and "lilo and stitch" in a really small cosy (no doubt a bit squashed) room for an hour while waiting for some construction downstairs to be fixed, and then later watching "step up" movie together when the TV downstairs was finally ready. Sounds boring right, but this of course was accompanied by amazing things like us gushing over the impossible glasshouse of Yan Yin's family, and Ryan's most generous and exotic dish of toast with eggs, caviar and lemon!!! haha yes you heard correctly! Yeah and there was Yan Yin's little little sister to entertain us with her ultimate cutesyness! ahah. And yea of course with all of us nicey people, we just love each other's company =) Here's our CA3 cake:

Oh yeah man and I shepherded my dearest LIM SAI yesterday and treated her to Gelare LOL which of course was totally NOT in the plan. All I thought was to shepherd her right after CG in school and then go home. Moreover, when I asked her after CG if she needed to rush home for dinner, she said she needed to get home by 8+pm, which was only about 1 to 1.5 hours more since CG ended around 7.20pm. LOL. Oh gosh and whatever happened I duno but we ended up at PS coz we both have direct trains from there. And our decision to eat Macs was at first reduced to eating dessert at the food court coz Lim Mian didn't have money and her EZlink card was still in the General Office since she forgot to claim it. Erm and who knows we upped our choice to GELARE on the way to the food court. haha at first all the cushion seats were taken up but ahah God was great to us coz 2 people immediately stood up to leave when we were just about to be disappointed. Anyway nvm we had a wonderful shepherding until about 9.30pm oops. And ya we kept walking all around the train station coz we kept wanting to walk till the last meter when we had to part. lol sounds ridiculous but nvm that's how we always are. haha. Anyway thank God for Lim Mian who has never failed to bring so much so much so much so much so much JOY and COMFORT in my life. wahaha. It's a miracle that God made us friends in Sec 3. And after all the trials that our friendship has gone through, like we can just not talk for weeks, but yet we know inside that our friendship is still the same, and not one bit of it has been diluted by distance or by time. aww. ahahaha. it's funny how we walk past each other in school when we're with our friends/rushing off for some lesson and just stare at each other but not saying anything. And then you get that warm and fuzzy feeling in your heart. I love that. =p There is no need for words! And coz we both know about rushing about in school with other people for other purposes, so ya it's great that we can be on the same wavelength after so long. I really thought that in JC we'll surely be affected by distance and time since we're not in the same class anymore and other friends surely will step into our lives and even dominate it. heh, wah but no leh, I'm amazed by this beautiful friendship and I really believe that it will last and take us through many many many more challenges and live through many many many more memories! =) Thank God for you MIAN! Amen!

2007-06-24T22:33:00.000+08:00

Perhaps the issue of tackling something on our own has never been easy to settle. All I know is that a simple belief, a simple prayer, a simple heart, will keep me firmly and securely in place.

2007-06-05T01:37:00.000+08:00

woah okiez. what a zibei previous entry. haha!

nvm, I thank God for letting me learn so much today somehow about so many things. And thank God for giving me courage even though I still have so much to face. And thank Tifen for just being bubbly coz I learnt something great from you today even though you might already have forgotten saying it. And thank Suet for letting me just rant to her about things even though it was not long before Tracy came up behind us and gave us such a shock that people arnd us turned to stare. haha. Thank Robert for cheering me up so much coz he made discussing games with him so hilarious. Thank Daniel, Zechary, Zi Ying for teaching such great lessons during CLC1. Thank Seokhui, Robert, Jiexun, Justin, Melvin for being there to make CLC1 more dynamic haha! tell u what we did, we were supposed to play a game for Zechary's teaching, and so we had to form a group of 6-7 to go find items at centerpoint area. Then different people in each group had roles to play. Like in our group Seokhui was the one to slow the group down, Jie Xun was the one to go missing, and Justin was the group leader. lol... and guess what, the guys all decided to let other groups win the "competition" and so we decided to slack around... haha... of course that helped Seokhui so much in her role in slowing us down... haha... then JX was so zonked out from the bike hike that he just failed miserably in trying to go missing and he just completely submitted to Justin and Melvin who were putting their arms arnd him and guiding him arnd... haha... k we were crazy la, wanted to go to Starbucks to buy a drink at first but ended up in NTUC buying SUSHI. LOL, erm ya Melvin bought so many la haha! Well yes so we were about 10 minutes late and someone called Justin to bring us back to America room. haha... oops... the lesson to be learnt was that "every team is as weak as its weakest member". something like that. haha! er... okiez yes but quite fun coz seokhui and jiexun won sweets for playing their role so well. well ok just thank God for giving me such a wonderful day and lifting my burdens.

oh you know in the morning I really couldn't concentrate on studying and I just gave up coz I was feeling very burdened the whole night and till I awoke. yeah erm when I woke up I found the house empty so I started singing to myself! ahha! and ya I prayed and talked to myself lots (autocrine signalling) and played piano... er haha have I gone mad. well, never mind I was self-counselling myself the whole night. haha. then after that I went for Word for Life.. It was raining so heavily for like 1.5hours non-stop and I duno why suddenly it just stopped raining when I was about to leave the house thank God man... and well thank God for my family coz we had a nice dinner at Hard Rock Cafe! So cool right! but it was so ex my goodness, but ya my father had vouchers so yes otherwise we would have nvr stepped into that place in the first place ahha... ya and maybe tt's why God kept me full the whole day. I didn't eat breakfast or lunch la, I'm weird lol. but I didn't feel hungry at all I felt too full the whole day. nvm about that though.

and you know what. right after I came home from dinner, I saw a missed call from Jia Li (she sounds familiar but i can't rmbr who)!!! And oh my it's just miraculous, coz she told me I had a role in mamashop. haha! funny as it may seem but I was so so so glad and it's truly God's blessing. coz for the past 2 weeks when Yvonne was telling me about camp roles, I told her no one told me anything so I thought I didn't have a role... well of course I was quite sad since it was my second camp and I wanted to play a bigger role in it. So I asked Raphael about it... and he also said that he couldn't remember. And when I asked him whether if I hadn't received any message about having a camp role till then, it probably meant that I didn't have one, he said "yeah, probably". So I just gave up hope and decided maybe it was God's plan for me to spend more time building up on other things like my r/s with my sheep/shepherd or just my own r/s with Him. haha, okiez nvm maybe it's God's reward for me for trusting in whatever plans He has for me haha...

I can't wait for camp! =)

2007-05-25T23:04:00.000+08:00

GOLD. WITH HONOURS.

Uh no today isn't 8th May 2007. And I know I'm lag but it's not the case this time. It's just that every time I log into this blogger account with a open heart all ready to share my thoughts to the world, my mind just shuts off and I have nothing to say anymore. Maybe it's coz I have too much to say and I'm too lazy to express all of my thoughts and feelings... Urgh ok seriously there's too much to say and I don't know where to start.

Hmmm actually it was only just last last week that we attained that grand-sounding award. But no matter how impressive this award might look or sound, I still cannot help but feel some sense of guilt? regret? remorse? URGH. I know it's a gold with HONOURS but you know what I didn't feel anything on stage. I'm honest. I didn't feel it. The 15 minutes just flashed past without me noticing much... which is pretty sad everytime I think about it. But I couldn't really think when I was on stage... All I thought of was to feel the music and deliver. Ok yes I did inject my feelings but it was quite intentional especially for 'Jap Game'. 'Mate Saule' came more naturally la but I don't think I've felt that MAGIC in our music that would make your heart swell. Hmmm... The only thing I feel that has brought justice to this award is the amount of effort that we put in. I cannot think of any other reason seriously. The glory all goes back to YOU. I can't think of any other reason how we could have done it. This is truly a God-given gift. As Johnny was telling us just the day before SYF, you have to BELIEVE. And believing is a very powerful thing. You know I think God really blessed the few of us J2s who were there the day before SYF with each other's physical presence such that we were able to gather together and praise God together and really put our hearts together in a single spot of faith. And this choir is truly blessed with so many many many Christians. Like about 1/3 of the choir are Christians. And to think that about 7 of us are from my church is indeed very empowering. And the best thing is that Ms Lim herself is also a Christian. You know how surprised Ms Lim was to hear that Johnny, Sarah and many others are Christians too. It's funny how we are all connected in one spirit without even knowing it. And I'm sure it's this simple faith from everyone that has brought Ms Lim this Gold With Honours for HWACHONGCHOIR.

Okiez I don't really know why I have come to blog about this nor do I know what I'm talking about. Well you know I'm feeling so tired and weary especially this week but everytime I pray the first thing in my prayer is to thank God for blessing me with that day. And I'm grateful for every day somehow even though I end up less productive than I always want to be. Well and I just know that I'll be grateful and appreciative of everything that has happened every day. I'm so sick and tired of comparing my life to others and feeling stressed out and crying so often. Well I don't think I'll ever stop being that way coz I'm just made that way but I think I'm handling things better. You know one funny thing, my msn nick has been "when you wanna give your all" for quite a while... and today, without the intention of linking my personal message to my main nickname, I just put my personal message as "sometimes all you need to do is to let go". Then when I read my whole nickname together, my skin really tingled coz the two random phrases made so much sense when put together. "When you wanna give your all, sometimes all you need to do is to let go." And woah, I think God must be trying to emphasise this point to me coz He also spoke through Ms Lim when she shared with Suet and I all about her just leaving things in God's hands this year and look at what she attained this year! 6 Gold With Honours and 1 Gold. Never before.

Thank God for giving Suet and I this opportunity to go out with Ms Lim today. Heh actually all I wanted to do initially was to accompany Kimberly to go search for shirts for the a cappella and J2 item. Turns out that God decided to plant a message of faith in my heart today. I'm really grateful for today la. Haiz you know I just ponned school today, I was way too worn and torn after the 4th day of piaing this week. Really quite bad but I really needed the sleep. Sigh... ok really dunno what to think anymore. All I wanna do is to do well for this concert. It's the last practice tmr after 6 years of my choir life. LAST PRACTICE. And on Sunday I know I'll just cry when I sing the last song. Coz this choir life has really been the very thing I've held on to for so long through all the ups and downs and even when piaing for studies, choir has always been such a convenient excuse haha. Ok yeah but it keeps me going. My NYC batch was perfect. And even though my hwachongchoir batch has so few UPs, still... if you could only feel how much we have gone through, you would be way overwhelmed and choking with emotions. And I don't know what I'll do after Sunday. I'm just glad it's the holidays coz it wouldn't feel so weird that there's nothing left to work for after school. At least maybe the holidays would dilute the idea that there's no more staying back for choir practices. I hate the idea that all I have left to hang on to is my studies coz I don't even do well for it. It's so irritating. At least in choir everyone's there together and helping each other you know you don't have to worry so much. But for studies you're sort of all there alone and who really cares if you don't do so well. Everyone helps themselves first. Yeah. Well I used to have "Class", "Choir", "Church" as the 3 "C"s my life revolves around, but now there goes that one "C" in my life. heh. I can only hope that my life won't change too drastically. But I know it'll never be the same again.

2007-05-01T14:03:00.000+08:00

Woah. I'm really quite tired and worn out by now, but yet I don't wish for this period to end!!! At least now I feel some sense of familiarity that I felt within my NY choir batch. =) Well, thanks to Johnny's wonderful "talks". I really love to hear what you have to say coz you can just go on and on and none of us feel bored listening whilst mulling over our own thoughts. Hmmm. Yesterday while we were walking over from VCH to Esplanade, Suet and I just felt so thrilled and soothed at the same time coz we felt like we were back at home. After all, all the different places like VCH, Esplanade, Fullerton Hotel and other places in the vicinity hold on to our dearest and most treasured memories of 6 years of our choir life. whee. Kimberly mentioned about HC Choir being our CHOICE, which really shaped my perspective about all the good and bad times in HC choir even more. And ya I'm really glad I made this choice of joining choir.

Ok I'm too tired to say much. If you are feeling stressed out by your studies right now, and there's that immense hatred for the Singapore education system creating such heavy burdens in your life, perhaps you might start to ponder over what our future education system might provide. Here's something for your entertainment from http://www.exampaper.com.sg/miss-loi-the-tutor/china-1-england-0:

2007-04-14T00:02:00.000+08:00

HEY ALL!
HERE'S A PROMOTION TO GO TO THE HWACHONGCHOIR CONCERT 2007 - CANTARE.

DATE: 27 MAY 2007
TIME: 7.30PM
VENUE: ESPLANADE CONCERT HALL
TICKET PRICES (with sistic charges): $13, $16, $25

--------------------------------------------------------

Woah. Yesterday was Friday the thirteenth and one would expect horrid luck. But no way, my day was contrary to that. =)

First, GOOD NEWS! MY WHOLE CLASS GOT A FOR PW! =) Thanks to Ms Tay for being such a great tutor and guiding us in this! Haha. Thank you Sut Yee for being such a wonderful and responsible working partner! Both of us make a great pair! haha at least there was someone to complain to during stressful periods. =p Also, thank you Leon's printer for the effort you put in to print the countless pages of written report on AA paper - and at 3.40am somemore! Really appreciate the sacrifice you made. Thank you Vincent for the encouragement during OP coz i was really nervous but somehow you calmed me down. haha... 3 of us and a printer... Well we all got weird and different personalities that can somehow complement each other, so I guess everything turned out fine! haha... remember THE TREAT ah!!! lol... =p Sut Yee and I deserve it right! =D

Hmmm NEXT. I went with my sister to watch the PHANTOM OF THE OPERA at the Esplanade. Oh my... I was really taken in by the entire musical, with its impressive stage set-up especially. Never imagined the theatre props to be so elaborate =/ there were probably about 10-15 different types of curtains and backdrops hahah... then there was the chandelier which rose with such grandeur at the start of the musical, only to crash rather resoundingly just before the intermission. lol it looked broken but of course it wasn't la... they brought the chandelier up again during the intermission when everyone left their seats...lol. Oh there was also this particular structure that I thought was merely part of the stage design but it could actually move! So halfway during the musical, the structure came out of the wall and hovered above the audience - and standing in it was the phantom! So cool right! And he sang there! woah, the people on the first level must be really impressed... lol watch show suddenly need to watch the ceiling one... but also bad coz get neckache la ahaha. Oh there's this particular scene which I love the stage set-up! It's the one showing the phantom's mysterious lair. They created the water effect using smoke and lightings so well la! Then the phantom was actually rowing a boat with Christine in it... so silently that the boat really looked as if it was travelling on water... the serenity was WOAH... the mood and atmosphere just perfectly created...haha. The singing was also bravo! heh the High E or E flat by Christine was definitely beautiful. But I wanted the phantom to hold his high note longer leh... haha. He held it for so much longer in the movie which really touched me deep down...haha. But yeah anyway I was more or less completely mesmerised by the whole show la... I wanna watch it again seriously!!!!! AHHHH. haha. So for those who haven't watched, PLEASE GO WATCH! It's worth all the money you're gonna spend man! heh...

Hmmm ok but some bad things happened too leh... on the way to dinner with my mum and sis, this motorcycle suddenly skidded right beside my mum's car!!? My gosh it was really quite terrifying... We saw sparks flying as the motorcycle skidded along the road... Fortunately no car knocked him or anything... and the motorcyclist was wearing jeans and a jacket I think, so at least the cuts and injuries would be reduced... He didn't knock his head either... =/ Bleh, but my mum didn't stop the car coz she said it was too difficult to stop the car at the road shoulder since she was on the fastest lane and she would be too incapable to help too. Oh well, so all we could do was to hope the best for that motorcyclist.

Yeah then another thing was that in the end my mum couldn't join my sis and I for dinner. Because she dropped my brother off at the wrong badminton court for training! Supposed to be at Yio Chu Kang stadium then she dropped him off at Toa Payoh... coz it's Toa Payoh every week and I think the coach didn't make it explicit enough that there was a change in venue... And since my brother had no handphone, money or whatsoever, she drove all the way back to fetch my brother when we were already nearing the Esplanade area. lol... oh well but ya it's definitely safer than her initial idea of hiring a taxi for my brother...

haha oh well, enough of Friday 13th events... Anyway this period is really really stressful eh... Sigh with choir especially being so tough. And my studies are so so so sucky as usual. haha. disgusting. moreover I've barely gone for a complete church service this year due to choir practices! =/ Hmmm but it's okay la I guess. Seriously I feel quite inferior in my class but nvm... I always try to have the mindset that whenever we go through tough times, we'll only grow stronger out of it!

yeah... thanks to SUET who was so willing to stay back in school for 2 consecutive days till very late to talk... haha, I'm really thankful for this God-given friend whom I knew but barely spoke to for FOUR YEARS in NYchoir. LOL. Can you believe it... Suet despised me and thought I looked like the toot toot kind... ok ya I dun deny la... I really LOOKED toot okay! but LOOK only right! lol... ok la, but yes Suet aren't you honoured to come to know this TOOT better!!! LOL... ya really appreciate our friendship la... I never knew how easygoing you could be... nor how much you are willing to share your feelings =) heh, thanks for sharing so much coz I was really touched by how much you are willing to confide in me. haha. ya and I feel very comfortable telling you everything too. ahha. Thanks to other ppl too... like Tracy, Fungmin, Abigail and Jon who wrote/smsed me encouragements... =) so sweet la. And Leon for listening to my irritating rantings and for being my radio DJ. lol. And my class in general for just being an unfailing source of laughter and joy! =) It's people like these that keep you going! =) Coz when you have people like these around you, then all the stressful studies/results and CCA stuff appear secondary become less painful.

haha, you know today after choir I went back to church coz we wanted to affirm and encourage Tifen as a CG since she's transferring to the VJC CG... yeah then we talked, had dinner together... very short while only lor. like 2 hours at most. lol, and yet I felt so much refreshed already seeing all these people. And I must say it's probably because I feel extremely comfortable and loved when I am around these people! heh... I really really hope to be able to attend a complete service REAL SOON... heh. Dear choir people let's not stop walking in His ways and rely on Him even more during this period! And surely we'll walk to the end of this path, more fulfilled and stronger in faith as well! =) Jia you!

Hmmm... and DEAREST HWA CHONG CHOIR 2007. Let's not give up alright, there's no time to think about giving up or even doing badly. Inevitable. But let's try to shut those negative thoughts out. ALTOS! Even though Ms Lim says you're the weakest section... it really doesn't matter, but more imptly you have to improve. We'll help you guys along ok! Ya dun be too demoralised and inferior... It's been really tough on you guys la coz everytime we sing as a choir, Ms Lim always condemns your section... but I must say that I admire your section's spirit... you all always remain strong and keep trying one. Kai and Kim! Dun qi nei. I know it's super frustrating for both of you especially, being leaders...but yeah you must not break down coz everyone's looking to you. ya and I'm sure some of us from sop section can go help the altos if need be k... ya... we are one choir wad... there's no space for complacency lar. we either flop together or do well TOGETHER right... haha

Hmmm ok jia you all audition groups! =) Practise hard but dun neglect your health! And all the best to all those having competitions!

GOOD FRIDAY

2007-04-06T22:13:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

TO MY DEAREST DADDY!

I haven't blogged about choir for a long while... mostly because I have no idea how to put my emotions into words. But anyway, I'm really glad that Ms Lim has placed us in audition groups. At least now we are able to help each other along and ensure that we really really really practice hard together, even after the auditions are over. I think this grouping thing really forces everyone to focus much more and feel a greater sense of urgency for SYF. Seriously, it's ONE MONTH LEFT. Yeah anyway today GROUP F had practice in chinese high... and oh my, I'm not saying that we sang really well or anything... but yeah singing together for the first time, LOL I never imagined that we would be so serious. But oh my, I think I focused even more than I do during normal practices. We really tried very very hard to sing our parts by practising our voice techniques... changing the sound and tone and volume and woah I am just impressed. ahha. I'm not saying that we're doing beyond expectations, but yeah oh my we are actually doing what's supposed to happen long ago. ok but yeah we actually practised for about 5hours straight - no joking crappy singing. And yeah we screwed up quite a number of parts. But it's really quite cool that with only 6 people around, we spent half to one hour on every 1-2 pages of mate saule. ya so that's quite scary right. 3.5 hours on mate and 1.5 hours on jap game. haha. we rock. of course, we really need to improve much more... but yeah at least we did improve quite a bit already and learnt some new stuff today... and I never felt my diaphragm so tired in a long while. Duno why today was so apparently painful and exhausting... oh man I better try much harder during usual choir practices. I think one's potential is never truly realised... you must just keep pushing yourself because you never know your limits... and HwaChongChoir must really push our limits... EVERYONE PLEASE PUSH YOURSELVES TO YOUR LIMITS... no more CRAP. We need strive for refinement.

Anyway while we were walking out of school, we were singing Christmas carols... so nice right... haha ok la I quite like my group :) everyone's really nice to work with... ok but sad thing is that all the J2s came... but only 1 J1 came while the other 4 J1s didn't...er... well nvm...hope to catch them tmr or sunday haha.

yay really no need to do homework this weekend le... which is quite shuang. I really don't feel like doing any work till SYF is over. And I hope we really can practice our voices everyday to improve our sound quality... to create REFINED VOICES. And one day the angel of music shall reveal himself, no longer a phantom.

Let music caress you :)

Sunday Night out

2007-03-26T01:47:00.000+08:00

CHEERS TO EVERYONE COZ YOUR BLOCKS ARE FINALLY OVER!!! =)

I wanna thank God for this lovely day coz He let Abigail, Jonathan, Leon and I go out and have fun together. yay. Thank God for these wonderful friends who fill my heart will joy. Although I woke up feeling sick with a horrible stinging in my throat for the 3rd day in a row, I'm glad I still got out of the house coz at least I am spiritually and emotionally rich whilst being physically poor. God really blessed me today! I'm sure it's Him because when I smsed everyone, all were either stoning/recuperating alone at home, or already had plans to go out with their own friends... So I decided to sms Abigail and ask what she was doing... Well coz her blocks are long over, she would be doing her homework, and guess what! I actually decided to accompany her out to do her homework! =/ Oh man! haha, and I brought my homework along!!! LOL. Can you believe it? Doing homework right after blocks whilst being sick... lol... ok la, but I didn't do much, was doing my endocrine tutorial and stopped after structured coz my hands were freezing and I was really in my own land of Antartica... so couldn't write properly and my ears got more and more blocked coz of the cold and oh well... but nvm, my expectations to complete my hw was ZERO so I way exceeded my expectations! haha, ok anyway we ended up talking so much about all sorts of stuff and we ate so much - bought burger kings and smuggled in KFC cheese fries LOL! We're really PIGS lah. Oh well, then Jonathan came to join us and we crapped even more... and after Leon finally woke up from his sleep from 7am to 6pm he finally contacted us and said he'll come over for supper... lol... so we went for dinner at Cafe Cartel (ok la the food wasn't really fantastic coz I didn't enjoy the sweet sauces very much... haha but breakthrough! It's my first time eating there ahha) anyway when Leon came, we crapped even more... so it goes on and on... oh yeah Leon treated us to TCC! lol... yay so nice... hahaa, but we were all so funny la, coz for both dinner and at TCC, we all left one tiny piece of each dish coz no one dared to take the last piece!! haha... then we always play 'zhong ji mi ma' to see who had to eat the final piece... haha. Oh well, then when Abigail left, Jon, Leon and I went to walk around at Park Mall for a while... then we really wu liao la, go look at furniture shop haha but the designs of the lights quite cool la. There's one that looks like a lollipop that you can draw a smiley face on =) lol... then there's another that you can bend the body of the light in any direction that you like, you know like in Toy Story 2 there's that 'P I X A R' and the lamp jumps around and twists its body all around and finally squashes the 'I'... lol... ok never mind... ya then after that we went to this structure that spells 'LOVE' in a square shape... think Tracy's class went there to climb all over it to take photos... Lol... then okay we obviously climbed it la, but just climbed and sat around to stone haha... nvr take whatsoever photos. WOAH but it's SO DUSTY =X lol think all of us just did great CIP by helping to clean the structure tonight... where are our hours man... lol, ok nvm, it's 3am now and I just finished discussing the YLEP stuff and whatever... lol, ya okay I'm off to sleep lest I can't wake up tmr... grah. GOODNIGHT!

great website!

2007-03-20T21:44:00.000+08:00

Hey all who are not having block tests! haha, I know I'm supposed to be studying now but I was online and happened to come across this awesome website which I couldn't stop reading! haha, yes but I have finally managed to get my eyes off the webpage and hopefully get them glued to my lecture notes... heh... Well, so go take a look now! Perhaps you all will share even greater joy than I have reading all the wonderful articles which really teaches and touches so much! =)

Here it is! =)
http://www.rbc.org/bible_study/discovery_series/home.aspx

2007-03-15T20:36:00.000+08:00

I want a child's imagination - one that just runs like the wind and chases after the everlasting rainbow. Unknowing and ignorant to what's but a pot of gold at the end of the journey. In fact, there's no end, there's not even a beginning - it's just like that. Simple.

There needs to be no reason.

For all who are currently feeling stressed out while studying for your Block Tests, look at this photo below:

Don't think. Don't even wonder. Just feel.

There needs to be no reason to feel.

This is one of my favourite photos! There's such a great sense of serenity in it - probably something on Singapore's list of the endangered. Hmmm I really feel the ultimate refreshment whenever I look at such photos all over again. And I'm sure you do too. You just can't help but smile.

There needs to be no reason to smile. =)

And one day you realise how little you can remember about having sensible and heart-to-heart conversations with your siblings. And yet past photos clearly say how much your sibling loves you. How is that logical?

But there needs to be no reason to love.

===============================================

You must be thinking that I've just got really bored of studying for Blocks. Either that or I've got too much time in the world. Well... you're probably right. But really, after you've armed yourselves with fiscal and SS-side policies to go solve unemployment in Africa, or chanted the honourable mantra of 'The Ten Great Steps of Glycolysis' multiple times, or finally realised how you can't differentiate differential equations from integrals, and decided to get engaged in every possible way of intra- and inter- bonding, it's probably time to just follow the footsteps of Khai Boon and resort to the fruitless attempts of increasing sanity by cackling like a gay. Well, the greatest and sole benefit is that you find yourself extremely carefree, as if you were on a high of strawberry lollipops, and that's when you start to drown in what might very well seem like a child's imagination - one that just runs like the wind and chases after the everlasting rainbow. Unknowing and ignorant to what's but a pot of gold at the end of the journey. In fact, there's no end, there's not even a beginning - it's just like that. Simple.

There needs to be no reason.

2007-03-04T22:52:00.000+08:00

OCEANS WILL PART

If my heart has grown cold,
There Your love will unfold;
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand.
When I’m blind to my way,
There Your Spirit will pray;
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand,
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand.

Oceans will part; nations come
At the whisper of Your call.
Hope will rise; glory shown.
In my life, Your will be done.

Present suffering may pass,
Lord, Your mercy will last;
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand.
And my heart will find praise,
I’ll delight in Your way,
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand,
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand.

Oceans will part; nations come
At the whisper of Your call.
Hope will rise; glory shown.
In my life, Your will be done.

This is a beautiful song isn't it! If only you could hear the tune too =) Hehe, anyway, I'm feeling happy as I am more and more refreshed! It's so funny... I dun even know how emotions work anymore... I guess emotions really don't follow the flow of logic... they follow where love goes... Hmmm just last Thursday and Friday I was feeling overly-emotional regarding all my commitments... and my inferiority complex showed clearer than ever before... perhaps not to others but to myself... but thanks for the miraculous Friday afternoon, when the rain washed away all my troubles... I love rain! =) It makes me feel very comforted, like someone is showering his love all over me... haha. Despite everyone saying that rainy days are good for sleeping in, it's the opposite for me... I prefer to stay up on rainy days, because they keep me more alive in spirit. I become very aware of the pitter-patter of raindrops on the rooftop and the rhythmic rumbling of thunder is no longer part of the background but takes centerstage. It just forms the right setting for me to dwell and linger in this wonderful creation and let my thoughts flow free. I never fail to be touched by rainy days. =) Perhaps, the raindrops I see are, really, teardrops...

2007-03-03T00:28:00.000+08:00

wah I finally caught up with all my math tutorials *PANTS*... still have the last 5 Qns of Vectors 4 which I really too sian to do liao haha... and I still owe a GP COMPRE. LOL. Do you even remember that you did the GP compre? ><>< hehe but at least Shirlene is on my side too =p HEH.. Well I pia-ed the irritating Maclaurin's after school today... at first was with Shirlene and MeiJin... but Samuel and Jonathan joined me after they left for H3... Well HI^5 Samuel we managed to finish pia-ing Maclaurin's... up to the last Qn last part when we went down to ask my huangcheng friend coz we really couldn't be bothered anymore (and well, to return her that tutorial as well haha)... lol...

SIGH. ok, anyway today's weird lah. So when we finally finished pia-ing it was 9+ already... (lol we might as well be part of the huangcheng crew already ><) then I took TWO HOURS to get home!!! WAAAAAH. I tell you why! I missed TWO 852s!!! LOL. First time coz couldn't be bothered to run from the bridge to the bus stop in time, and the second was coz Jonathan and I were too indecisive and confused by the Law of Maclaurin's that we just stunned diao and dunno whether we were even flagging the bus so the bus drove off!!! GOSH. Waste of time... and so we took 171 to take MRT... and I decided to take to Plaza Sing with Jonathan coz he needs to take train from there and well I also can take anyway... so I missed out on the Newton stop... ok nvm that wasn't the ultimate, coz I called my mum and she suggested for me to take taxi from YioChuKang MRT home, but I went to Bishan instead coz I needed food very badly and I was scared the YCK MRT minimart would have closed already, so in the end I went to get a drink from the 7/11 at Bishan MRT and went to wait at the bus stop for taxi. AND YOU KNOW WHAT - the queue was more than 10 people long!!! RAH, so guess what! I took MRT back to YCK!!! And I decided to wait for taxi.. but the rate of taxis coming to the taxi stand was so slow that I went to the bus stop to wait for taxi/bus at the same time... and my bus 86 came, so I took the bus. and I WALKED HOME. GOSH. SO MUCH FOR GOING HOME... LOL!!! TWO HOURS!!! Really record time. I really rock and making decisions don't you think? =p Yeah this is great proof of my sotongness.

OKAY. and since I stored up so much energy due to frustration with myself, I ate my dinner so fast coz I wanted to make sure I ate before midnight came then I almost choked ahhaha. ok then I saw all the dishes that my mum left coz she went for dinner with my dad at his friend's house... and decided to WASH THEM. RAH. lol!!! I am such a filial daughter right =D yay so I cleared up everything... and wah just feels so shuang. ahhaha.

Well, so much for 6 hours of Maclaurin's, 2 hours of travelling home, 1 hour of dinner and washing up... I feel so tired and right now I'm just listening to this CD that Nicholas OH! lent me, feeling refreshed by songs of praise and worship... haha...

Funny isn't it. and let me tell you. Yesterday I slept. and I mean I SLEPT. I was so drained out physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, whatever. After WENWEI!!! slapped me with a slab of sour cream, I washed up and I just went home. I slept from around 5+ all the way till the next morning. YES. I skipped everything - SO MANY THINGS including my dinner. How irresponsible is that. But yah maybe it's escapism but I really couldn't be bothered anymore. And well, today I came to school late, feeling horrible, and school made me feel worse, everything was just horribly terrible. All through Thurs and Fri I wanted to tell someone and I duno what to say to anyone so I didn't... I would just sms a random message and delete it, and repeat that. and just try to suppress my feelings, but yeah there just isn't anyone to send to coz it's dumb... and yeah of course the only one that I send my messages to without needing to sms is always there for me. and I'm glad I was guided throughout the rest of my day.

well. Anyway, WELL DONE ALL SENIORS =)

Also,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
TO WAYNE AND DONALD!!!

2007-02-24T23:56:00.000+08:00

It's funny how I manage to cry at every single service I go to ever since BREAKTHROUGH camp... and even sometimes at CG during worship... Is it because I'm a very emotional person? haha, dun really think I'm that emotional anymore as compared to the past though. I remember there was one year in secondary school when I kept crying, siao one right... I wasn't in depression or anything... I also duno why but it was like that. Ever since I've come to know God I think I've managed to keep my feelings within me better... and somehow that's something that I would rather do, because I don't like people to know my thoughts and feelings too easily. Maybe feelings are more obvious but only the closer people would know my thoughts. Hmmm, yeah anyway, I think it's not only me la... I believe that many people around me also cry coz sometimes can hear people sniffing away or using tissue at the end of service... ya but anyway I think crying is really comforting... like after one entire week of feeling fatigue and anxious and insecure about various issues, I just want to run into His open arms, lie there and just cry out... It feels so good to just pour out all my emotions, be it joy or sorrow, to Him... And He blesses me most greatly with PEACE... During worship at the end, sometimes I dun even sing the song halfway... I just stay still and linger in His presence and think and pray and just internalise the words being sung by listening... coz sometimes I feel like when I sing the song, I get a bit carried away with the music and I don't mean what I am saying... so I just stop singing and ask myself if I really mean what I sing... Heh. Worship sessions are truly refreshing. =)

Anyway, I am currently praying for an extraordinary miracle that will arise from an ordinary setting. I truly hope to be salt and light in this particular area. And I have learnt so much more about trusting in Him this week. =) Shall blog more about this another time.

Happy CNY! :)

2007-02-20T12:23:00.000+08:00

Hey! I got this from our CE2 blog and think it's very worth reading! :)

======================================
Why go to Church?

If you're spiritually alive, you're going to love this! If you're spiritually dead, you won't want to read it. If you're spiritually curious, there is still hope!

A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday. "I've gone for 30 years now," he wrote, "and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons. But for the life of me, I can't remember a single one of them. So, I think I'm wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all."

This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the Editor" column, much to the delight of the editor. It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:

"I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But, for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I do know this.. They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!" When you are DOWN to nothing.... God is UP to something! Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible! Thank God for our physical AND our spiritual nourishment!
======================================

This year's CNY isn't very happening... no new clothes, no nothing, just visited my relatives from my mother's side coz all those from my father's side are in Malaysia. but one good thing was that I managed to 'be deliberate in connecting to the people whom I'm obligated to' in that I found out more about their lives and talked to them much more compared to the last time when I met them. Yup and one of my cousins kept talking to me about the University courses that I should take in future... lol stress ah. ><>< Then there's this other 4 yr old girl who looks Japanese and she's not the shy type so it's really fun to talk to her... but one thing is that it's quite hard to understand her coz when she speaks it sounds like all her words are stuck together. lol, think all children speak like that? lol the 5 yr old boy also speaks like that, but he speaks in Chinese... haha. and his Chinese is pro la, for a 5 yr old... can use quite chim words sometimes.

Anyway, on Friday during service, God taught me so much about love <3 During praise and worship, I was asking Him why many times love is not reciprocated. Somehow, we sometimes end up loving people who don't notice our love, and in the same way, we don't notice that some people love us. I guess it can get very frustrating for both parties. But He asked me first to look at the love between me and Him. He asked me not to look at loving people first, but to look at whether I loved Him first because if I can't even completely love Him, who is so perfect, then loving sinners is impossible. So I got frank with myself and I think that actually sometimes I take His love for granted. I think I sometimes start to neglect Him in my life due to all my busy h/w and CCA commitments, etc, and so in this way I am not reciprocating his love... Think I gotta put in more effort to build up this relationship.

Hmmm He also helped me realise that sometimes it's not that love is not reciprocated... it's appreciated but just that it's not shown/expressed so clearly. I think many a time, people want to see love in a more tangible form, somehow... As in, they want to know that they are loved back before they can feel secure. It's funny, isn't it, when you've put your entire trust into a relationship and then you fear that the other party is giving less than you are. Yeah and so during the very appropriate and timely sermon, He taught me about how there are three levels of love amongst people: 1) Love bounded by family obligations, 2) Sacrificial love, and 3) Love with God in the center of it... Yeah thank God for all of you.

-----------------------------------------------------
SIgh. If you are friends with me, will you accept me for everything I am, including my flaws? And if you accept my flaws, which are presumably the worst parts of me, would you accept me for my thoughts and ideas? I bet it would be a yes. So I guess this means you accept what I think. And you accept my beliefs. And you accept my FAITH. Now you don't.

2007-02-06T23:27:00.000+08:00

Seriously, what on earth is wrong with some guys. all they can say all day is whatever. ya anything. i don't care. ya stop saying all these things coz it's SO difficult to communicate with u people that maybe i should just give up talking to u. all that i get out of such conversations is a feeling of being diminished to the minimum, or rather, the maximum. ya well, it's just so irritating it spoils my mood and worse still sometimes i let this emotion affect how i appear towards others. but it's okay, coz i'm finally learning to remain unscathed and indifferent towards these people. why should i care if u don't. and even if deep down u aren't like what u appear to be, i still believe that what u project reflects yr inner being. ya so stop being what u aren't, or maybe i should just say stop being what u ARE.

SATURDAY

2007-02-04T12:07:00.000+08:00

WOAH. Yesterday was the longest day that I've ever been out this year - from 8 a.m. till midnight.

Started out with choir in the morning when we had a workshop at Fairfield Sec together with other choirs of Ms Lim. Shan't comment much on the secondary school choirs... just that Anderson Sec really left an impression on me because they stood out with their thick voices that made them sound more mature and added intensity to the song... Anyway, there were only 2 JCs la, including us. NJC was really good... I'm really jealous of how they manage to find such a fine balance of voices in the choir, whereas we can't somehow... =( SIGH. yeah and we failed miserably for Jap Game coz we rushed right from the START. the only consolation is that we didn't break down and stop halfway... Well Mate Saule was quite good according to Ms Lim and Bing Zhu since we haven't started working on dynamics or any colour changing thingys yet. At least we pulled through the whole song, moreover so slowly. BUT the tenors SPLIT horribly for those three notes =( ah well. but nvm we can work on that. Well, Ms Lim said that the J2s were much more focused this year compared to any other performance we've ever had last year, which is a great improvement! Hmmm well I'm happy for my batch then... at least we're more serious and putting more heart and soul into choir now...

Hmmm... okiez so at least we didn't get scolded or anything hehe. Wanted to go to Lynnette's house after that to celebrate her birthday, but unfortunately we hung around for too long after the workshop and didn't have enough time to go to her house for lunch... Anyway:

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY,

MY DEAREST LYNNETTE!!!

Haha. So we went off to church instead. Service was really refreshing todayy! Finally the OAC and choir peeps are back... For the past 2 - 3 weeks, the OAC and choir people haven't been able to go to church due to CCA commitments... Oh well, so yesterday I guess we were all truly refreshed like never before... hehz. Hmmm and we've got 1 JC1 convert - Shaun... who's in OAC but actually got in for choir auditions but didn't join. lol. Well I'm sure all the heavens are rejoicing!~ Another saved!

STJ rocked! When we reached MINDS cafe (which Willis misread the sign as 'KINGS cole' LOL), it sounded like a slow but steady uproar as we ascended the stairs... lol. It was seriously BOOMING with shrill shrieks and screams and roaring laughter la... Crazy one. but funny that the groups were split into either big senior groups with one or two juniors joining, or big junior groups with one or two seniors joining... so a bit sad... but still it was fun =) haha, I loved the 'Indian poker' game man... lolx although I wasn't exactly playing but it was quite fun trying to make people say the words on their cards... especially wayne ho who kept getting kena lol... oh yes, about food at MINDS cafe, I must say that there's this white and dark chocolate brownie thingy that's super super duper delicious! hehe... plus it comes with a scoop of ice-cream! heh, must try it next time!! Anyway, dinner was more fun though coz of greater senior-junior interaction. It was definitely a fantastic idea to have one row of seniors sitting with one row of juniors... hehe. My table was too filled with guys though. Erm as in. Only got Qing Yan and me there... a bit sad coz wanted to interact with Sherene and Jia Yuan more... but it's ok la, coz got all the junior guys who are HIGH - Tragic, Carlos, ShaoJie JIE JIE and Nick OH. keep laughing all the time la... And halfway duno why people started talking about condoms. but nvm. and apparently Qing Yan isn't as innocent as she seems... and in the first place she doesn't seem innocent, so you can imagine how bad it got... lol... ok just jk =p Think I got a bit corrupted =X gosh. but luckily I didn't hear some things coz I censored them out by covering my ears haha... Hmmm oh oh after that we took lots of photos haha... SHERENE must send me k! Hmmm oh and wanted to go for a night walk after that but then ended up just hanging around near the MRT station... yeah and doing fac dances and talking crap haha... Hmmm well hopefully JTS will be just as fun =p

76 rocks! =)

2007-01-21T23:24:00.000+08:00

I'M AMAZED

BY HOW

YOU LOVE ME

EVERYDAY

WITHOUT FAIL

- you paint the morning sky for me -

2007-01-14T00:49:00.000+08:00

YAY! I'm so happy that I finally hung out with the CE1 people today... at least a bit... and yes definitely got to know more people like Siew Wen, Linton and Li Jing... Err hope I got the names right!? so sorry if I didn't! >< my memory not v gd one... lol... Hmmm yupyup and got to talk to Abigail, Xiang Yu, Xuan Ting too... oh Qin Yan and Stephanie too (though that was at Central gathering hehz)... yup Leon also... usually after service also nvr see any CE1 ppl anymore... erm nvr talk to the ACS ppl though... but I guess guys more difficult to mix around with? haha... anyway I'm still really, really, really glad coz dun think I had the opportunity to mix around with CE1 people much ever since we split. yea coz I didn't manage to turn up for central's Christmas chalet nor the countdown party at JieXun's house =( hmmm, oh well, glad that God gave me the chance to mix with them today la, maybe it was in His plan for me to go mix with them today coz there's no test next week so it was alright that I hung out late... and my parents didn't complain that I came home quite late... and all the CE2 people went for their respective activities except YongSheng, Samuel and I... yea so in a way, it was truly a blessing coz if we had more CE2 people around, we wouldn't go find the CE1 people lor... surely just mix within our own CE... like last week after SEED, CE1 went off to PS for dinner/supper, and CE2 just stayed behind to play taboo within ourselves... and even after that when we decided to join CE1 at PS, we didn't exactly mix. ok the girls did la, but not the guys... haha...

oh well. ok I am so long-winded. I am back to long blogging style. oh yeah just wanted to say that I'm so glad that God is living life with me! yay I usually don't realise the significance of it, but I find that I talk quite a lot to God in school/at home/everywhere and the little times especially when I'm alone... on the bus, at the class bench at breaks/after lessons/walking around in sch... but it's really comforting, coz these little conversations with God may seem insignificant to everyone but I guess little bit by little bit they help to resolve my insecurities in school la... coz ya I very insecure one... hmmm... heh. PRAISE GOD! =) oh ya, you know when my friend asked me about math test... I told him that even if I didn't study, I wouldn't fail. of course that wouldn't be possible, but somehow I believed it would be possible. and when he asked Leon abt sth similar, Leon also said something like what I did... and it was quite cool to see my friend's reaction... he said sth like 'woah you two say the same thing one, both also say even if never study also won't fail'... I duno leh, ya maybe it's normal for Leon to say that coz he's always jokingly egoistic, but I'll usually say that. haha. coz I'm zibei and worrisome and I'll usually show it. but somehow for such a weak student like me (gosh, I condemn myself), I think it's so cool that I said it... coz it shows God is living through me... and I have the faith that life with God is surely 100% victorious... =) k nvm, this is just a thought that struck me at that moment. lolx. yea I am so luo suo. oh gosh. you know what. I was supposed to have choir at 8.30 today. but when I woke up, choir had already ENDED. LOL. I feel really bad, but what to do, I'm glad I got the sleep anyway. =p Shall just never ever repeat shall a terrible, terrible mistake again. ><

I loved today's sermon about tough love! V applicable =)

Difference between life with satan and life with God:
Life with satan -
=> General Condemnation (v. general criticism about oneself and one's whole life, etc.)
=> Remorse (just dwelling on the past and feeling like you can never improve)
=> Guilt

Life with God -
=> Specific Conviction (relevant to a specific area/event so that we KNOW what to improve in, how to change, etc.)
=> Repentance (not so worried about the past, but focused on change in the future)
=> FAITH!

junior class~! 07S76

2007-01-13T00:49:00.001+08:00

YAY I love my junior class! =)
I wanna RE-LIVE THE 76 LIFE!
I don't want schoolwork... =( Grrr... but actually I'm rather grateful if the pace of school life and homework continues this way... when it feels as if much time has passed, but after that you realise it's only the 2nd week of school! hehe... ya, coz I supposedly GAIN TIME with this mindset. lolx. Well, hope this will continue, otherwise I'll start panicking when I realise how fast time is really passing. ><>

Hmmm, ok shall stop here. I duno why, but I'm definitely blogging much shorter and shorter entries. hehz =p

2007-01-06T10:05:00.000+08:00

whee... everyone is so tired... and it's been only 3 days at school! haha... crazy. I dun think there has really been a difference for me though. coz holidays were... just as crazy. haha... oh well. I just quit Interact anyway - something which I'm really proud of coz it was done in abt half a minute... =) (lol then again I stopped going for Interact long ago so not much diff) and yes now I seem to be on a trend of quitting things... at least, people around me are pushing me to quit things... Class, Choir, Church Cannot though. heh... then means I need to quit YLEP or NAC or both... which I think the latter makes more sense to quit, coz I'm supposed to be in charge of this Peer Tutoring Programme which is a main programme of the YLEP since it's an annual thing... but then again, feel very bad to quit NAC coz of the people and coz I know no boundaries to how much I can grow through it... haha. yay. okiez.

HMMM. Caregroup. missing it. =p

Anyway, thanks to my shepherd and sheep for listening to me today! =) Really thankful to God for placing you people in my life~! =)

2007-01-04T22:40:00.000+08:00

Hmmm... WELCOME TO 2007! I'M A J2 NOW! lol... No comments, except that it's a bit sad that this year would be the last year of proper school life... heh... looking at the J1s enjoying their orientation, I really miss it!!! Haha, doubt that I'd be doing cheers any other time of my life... haha... or playing water bombs? lol... oh well...

Oh yeah, my first accomplishment was to complete my GP homework!!! haha... really felt a GREAT, AWESOME sense of achievement that I cannot describe... to the point that you don't feel like doing ANY more homework coz you are totally drained out HAHA... Hmmm... anyway, I duno, it just seems like a happy year for me coz somehow I feel that I got the motivation to discipline myself after whatever happened in J1... Actually, I have only ONE regret in J1 - my studies... WHY... and studies are supposed to be something that I'm QUITE capable of, at least from my past years I dun think I'm that lacking??? Erm... but somehow I duno why I can't seem to do anything but fail??? It's super irritating... Yes so one of my BIGGEST resolutions this year is to really glorify God with my studies!!! Can't let Him down...

Sigh... and you know what? I SUCK. 2nd day of school... and I already have a regret - that's for not preparing well for the BIO TEST. =( I think I'm gonna fail... And that's not the only point... the problem was that I didn't manage to finish studying... HAIZ. [etc]

Well. Apart from all that screaming and negative comments, as I said earlier, it seems like a happy year for me... yeah and that's supposed to be the main bulk of my blog entry HAHA... nvm... coz apart from the studies part... everything is ... exciting. haiz... ok nvm I dun even feel like talking about it anymore... nvm yes. YES I SHEPHERDED LIM MIAN FOR THE FIRST TIME TODAY!!!!!!!!! YES. Although it was more of an impromptu session... (meaning not a session with prepared lesson la... it was more to clear her doubts about God and Christianity and essentially to hear about how she's coping with CG and services as a NB)... ya but it was really fulfilling... GOD REALLY ANOINTED ME!!! Woah she asked questions which somehow I could tackle... and during times when I wasn't sure what to say, I could feel God speaking through me... Woah I duno how to describe the feeling to you, in layman terms I was impressed with myself! ok but NO la just jk, I was impressed with how God can speak words through me! haha... amazing man... yeah man... SERIOUSLY BREAKTHROUGH!!!!!!! LOL... ok... yes... Hope I'll grow to become a better shepherd still though... haha...

ok yes... and why happy year... coz I have a happy start... yes not only this wondering shepherding session... but also coz CHOIR GOT OUR DEARS BACK! =) Yeah, and it's getting exciting in choir, coz choir is just like my studies... they probably reached the lowest point together and it would be very exciting to work hard to attain high standards again... =) Yeah right now orientation stuff quite busy and all (and why on earth do the councillors not plan any slots for performances during CCA orientation??) yea... but oh yeah, one more great breakthrough for choir is that our J1s are very hopeful! At least for those so far, their voice quality is quite impressive! =) Hmmm, yup hope we get even better J1s after the auditions! And we'll work hard and be disciplined together to strive for SYF and concert @ Esplanade!!! =p

GOD I WANT TO LIVE A VICTORIOUS LIFE!!! FOR YOU! WITH YOU!

And anyway. I decided. It's not tt my studies suck la. It's more like my DISCIPLINE. (sorry haha my blog entry not coherent one... XD) Yes... coz I suddenly realised, thinking about all my tests and everything... I never once finished studying... except for the Math Differentiation test... which I got 19/20 but ok that's partly ccoz it was easy, but the POINT IS. I better work hard and FINISH STUDYING FOR ALL TESTS THIS YEAR FROM NOW. goodness. otherwise I really suck.

2007-01-01T17:58:00.000+08:00

Dear Lord,
Teach me how to be humble, but not inferior.
Teach me how to feel challenged, but not pressurised.
Teach me how to be confident, but not arrogant.

Teach me the limits, but not the extremes.

I need to learn how to die, before I learn to live.

God is good! =)

2006-12-25T23:38:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS! =)

Dear Lord, just a few days before Christmas, You gave us a blessing in disguise! Thank You so much. It might seem too late, but I know that it's never too late, because I trust in Your perfect timing. And I know that Your plans for us are always the best plans no matter how much we might disagree with it for our lives were written even before we were made. We trust You as we know that You will always be victorious! We will give our 100% and we know that You will do Your 100% too!

Teach us to have faith - TOGETHER. Believing is seeing!

ANYWAY. HCCG HIT OUR TARGET OF BREAKTHROUGH!!! I'M SO SO SO SO SO HAPPY FOR US!!! WE DID A GREAT HARVEST THIS YEAR! OMGOSH. I can't believe it... but yet this is everything there is to believe... we met our mark!!! hahaha... ok I'm just so elated for us! I was really overwhelmed to see 1/2 the church rising to go to the front of the stage to receive Christ (haha of course many of them were the non-believers' friends la... but STILL that's a whole lot of people!!! haha...) WHEEEEEEE...... God is good!!! =)

2006-12-18T00:44:00.000+08:00

WHY must you take away something that has only just begun? =(
If you must, teach me how to live without it.
And I will live without it.
For you.

How can you not feel the same way.

I'm not an actor. My life is for real.

2006-12-17T21:06:00.000+08:00

Hey, I haven't blogged in quite a while! But it's not that I never had the intention to... In fact, I had signed in to 'Blogger' many times but just ended up quitting the website because I didn't feel like sharing much. And since today I'm finally experiencing the fear of not recording down my memories, I shall just touch on some of the events and activities that I've been doing during early Dec!
(okay lol... so funny... need intro one...)

6 - 8 Dec '06: CHOIR CHALET
Choir chalet was supposed to last for 3 days 2 nights, but we ended up staying for only 2 days and 1 night... Such a waste of money right =( But there was barely anyone left due to the 'Porgy and Bess' musical rehearsals and so we all decided to go home... Hmm... Anyway, chalet wasn't that fun. It's such a pity that SO MANY of us were overseas!!! Can you believe that only 4 guys were present? So well... Also, we didn't get to interact with the seniors very much, partly because we aren't that close to them, and also because not many of them stayed over =( Sigh... Frankly, I prefer the chalet that they had last year, even though I was only an outsider then, being a Sec 4... But I could feel their joy~! It was just so fun being together with the J3 batch... okay and even within our J1 batch, I guess because there weren't that many people around, so somehow the atmosphere wasn't exactly warm and loving... It wasn't very fun... It just felt like someone pouring hot and cold water at once onto me without mixing them together... argh. Hmmm oh well, but I did enjoy certain segments of it! An instance would be when we played the 'I never' game at night... It was pretty amusing and interesting to realise how deprived someone can be in terms of life experiences or what weird things people have actually done before... lol. Another fun time was when ZheXi, Lynnette and I were hosting the 'rioHC taboo game'! Although we didn't play it, watching others play the game really brought us much laughter and a great sense of satisfaction =) (okok ZheXi I know you want recognition lol! So here goes: THE RIOHC TABOO GAME IS ZHEXI'S IDEA!) haha... Oh you know what, we just stoned at the sofas for the ENTIRE of the second day until it was time to leave for 'Porgy and Bess' rehearsals... lol! Basically we just sat there singing songs and going around playing games like 'List down 5 physical traits you want to see in your future BF/GF/spouse'... haha... hmmm anyway I really just wish that more people could've attended the choir chalet and that might've helped so much in bonding us together. Oh well... but never mind... =)

11 - 13 Dec '06: BREAKTHROUGH CAMP!!!
Whee! Church camp was fun! Actually I really didn't know what to expect from it... but I think I really grew closer to God! It was a great camp that gave me the invaluable opportunity to finally settle down in God's presence without any interruptions of choir and homework. The best thing was that I had various breakthroughs and plans for breakthroughs!

I love Pastor David! =) He's an external pastor and woah what struck me was that his life was in abundance of miraculous experiences with God! I think he's a really blessed child of God! heh... And he's really funny too! Once he started getting lame, he wouldn't be able to stop and he'll just continue cracking jokes all over during his teaching... haha really helped some of us to keep awake I guess =p And he really has the gift of preaching! Given an hour and a half to teach a particular lesson with 8 pointers in it, he'll spend more than an hour on the FIRST point... and that's when he has been given a clock to keep track of time. And not just any clock, mind you - the one he was given are like those hung up on the walls of our classrooms. lol! Anyway, no matter, he was really impressive and inspiring... He managed to start a fire in our hearts and made us greatly motivated to OUTREACH and attain our goal of breaking through the 1000 mark! =)

16 Dec '06: 2 souls saved!
I'm really glad that both Lim Mian and another HC girl from Robert's class have accepted God into their lives! I'm sure that they'll become strong women of God and bring glory to the Kingdom! Living a Christian life is always exciting coz we live on the edge and yet we know that we're always victorious! =)

----------------------------------------------

Okay, anyway, HC choir let's jia you for carolling k! Let's enjoy ourselves as we sing our hearts out during this festive season and truly add joy to this Christmas! Let's experience Christmas WITHIN us! =)

---------------------------------------------

Wooo. I'm really afraid of next year. And right now, I feel very drained out. I think not just now, I have been feeling drained out throughout the whole year. And I'm not really that happy about anything now, ya.. I'm just happy because I know something good has happened... But it's a very still happiness. I duno if this makes sense. lol. Funny. You know, sometimes during church services, I just feel peaceful but not exactly happy. It's just 'stillness' that I experience. But then again, I know it's not peace because inside, I feel quite worried about many things. okay never mind. I guess you could classify it as 'stoning' mood, whatever that means. Maybe it's because I don't want to feel anything and I'm just keeping any emotion I feel to the minimum. Rah.

God's Embroidery

2006-12-03T02:18:00.000+08:00

http://www.gagirl.com/stories/index.html
God's Embroidery

When I was a little boy, my mother used to embroider a great deal. I would sit at her knee and look up from the floor and ask what she was doing. She informed me that she was embroidering. As from the underside I watched her work within the boundaries of the little round hoop that she held in her hand, I complained to her that it sure looked messy from where I sat.

She would smile at me, look down and gently say, "Son, you go about your playing for a while, and when I am finished with my embroidering, I will put you on my knee and let you see it from my side."

I would wonder why she was using some dark threads along with the bright ones and why they seemed so jumbled from my view. A few minutes would pass and then I would hear Mother's voice say, "Son, come and sit on my knee." This I did only to be surprised and thrilled to see a beautiful flower or a sunset. I could not believe it, because from underneath it looked so messy.

Then Mother would say to me, "My son, from underneath it did look messy and jumbled, but you did not realize that there was a pre-drawn plan on the top. It was a design. I was only following it. Now look at it from my side and you will see what I was doing."

Many times through the years I have looked up to my Heavenly Father and said, "Father, what are You doing?" He has answered, "I am embroidering your life." I say, "But it looks like a mess to me. It seems so jumbled. The threads seem so dark. Why can't they all be bright?" The Father seems to tell me, "'My child, you go about your business of doing My business, and one day I will bring you to Heaven and put you on My knee and you will see the plan from My side."

Author: Unknown

Our FIRST successful RMeal! =)

2006-11-30T18:53:00.000+08:00

Our FIRST successful RMeal!!!

Yay! Off we trooped to Pastamania at PS after the choir workshop at SAJC (very spontaneously)... haha... It was a great dinner coz of the people and the food (needless to say)! Frankly, I didn't expect the dinner to turn out this way. I thought that we would've just had dinner and leave for home almost right after... but who knows, we stayed on for another 2 hours and had a wonderful conversation about all sorts of topics... but it definitely wasn't just surface stuff like our favourite food or something like that... hmmm...

RMs Rock! haha... We were laming around,
adopting Zhe Xi's idea of opening his eyes wider
to look "less PRC" hahaha...

Ehhh... A failed attempt at trying to look DAO? haha... =p

Heh, I'm really worn out this week... but I'm really satisfied too coz I had dinner with my class on Monday, dinner with CG on Tuesday and dinner with RMs (choir-related) on Wednesday... Glad I did it coz my class, my CG and choir are the 3 main areas of my life right now... so spending time with these wonderful people is really worth it =) Heh, but I think I'm going a little overboard so I better stop going out so much already... coz even without all these dinners and potential outings, I'm already going out a lot coz of choir practices and church stuff alone... yup, I better organise my time better! Otherwise, I'll just end up fainting if I try to satify everyone... yeahhh but I think I've tried my best to find JOY in everything I do... and yeah choir is especially a breakthrough =) At least, I feel that among Lynnette, Zhe Xi, Ziyuan, Zoe and I... the 5 of us are getting closer heez... and I really mean it on a deeper level... and I hope that this will expand to other choir members as well... =) Yeah like Zhe Xi suggested, when we RMs decide to have another RMeal (haha sounds like we're some McDonalds' outlet, copying their branding style... they're everything Mc___ while we're everything RM___! Haha!) next time, we'll invite other people to join us! I think it's an AWESOME (quotes Lynnette) idea, like what we did this time during our first RMdinner... we weren't alone - it was together with Cheryl and Melissa! Seriously, without this dinner, I doubt I would get the opportunity to talk to them... coz they're always together and so I wouldn't take the initiative to speak to them at all...

yup so cheers to our first successful RMdinner! It's definitely significant not only for us, but for the choir too coz it's the start of more effective bonding!!! hahaha... =)

Whee~! It's so fun and dynamic being an RM! haha... Try living an RM life! lol... Apart from having cool RMeals as can be seen above, we also niao each other like crazy about very untrue scandals (well maybe not in Lynnette's case =p), about remembering the code to unlock the choir room, about opening that lock the quickest, about remembering to bring the key to the room in AVT, about being late, about all sorts of amusing issues that never fail to make me laugh... hehehe... Yay here are another 2 RM photos!

On the train after recceing chalet... =p
(I look enlightened haha...)

Zhi Kang, Jing Zhi and Jason are extra!!! hahaha...

Penang Trip:)

2006-11-22T09:59:00.000+08:00

Choir Penang Trip Nov 2006 :)

(Photos taken by Zhong Wei and Lynnette)

Me and ZhongWei (the lucky choir's pro cameraman)!

Hey! It's been 2 days since we've returned from Penang and I'm unexpectedly finding myself missing it... Frankly, the trip wasn't very eventful since it was so short... It was essentially just choir practices, performance, short and not very interactive exchange programmes, eating, shopping, sleeping... Perhaps it's because of the feeling of 'hope' we created during the trip - both in terms of our singing together as a choir and also bonding amongst ourselves :)

HC Choir at Penang Aiport (last day)!

Shall start off with our singing: Despite the rather disappointing performance at Komtar building on the 3rd night of the trip, we've definitely had many refreshing practices together as a choir, achieving standards which we've never before attained back in Singapore! In fact, the pre-performance during the exchange programme with the 'Penang Chinese Girls' School' and 'Zhong Hua Secondary School' was pretty impressive. For instance, our 'Karimata' was so dynamic! We were so neat and united in rhythm and just enjoying every moment of it. haha. Another breakthrough of the trip is the song 'calme des nuits'! Initially I thought it was a pleasant song, but the more we sang the more boring it became... and somehow, we couldn't seem to create the moods that Ms Lim wants in the song... However, we miraculously managed to sing it quite successfully during one of the practices in the hotel during the trip, create appropriate moods and everything just felt so good! I thought that our best song during the terrible performance on the 3rd night was also 'calme des nuits'... haha coz I felt so depressed after our messed-up 'Jaakobin' that I just poured out all my emotions into 'calme des nuits' lol... Can you believe it that the Sopranos didn't come in at all for 'Jaakobin'? But then again, it was because the wrong beat was given. basses came in early, and altos or some other section came in wrongly and so perhaps it was a blessing in disguise that Sopranos didn't come in since we might just make things worse...

HC Choir on stage during performance on 3rd night - we look so solemn lol....

'CHIO BU'S! :)

'SHUAI GE'S?!!

Anyway, moving on to bonding within the choir: I think the basses rock (for once)! I didn't think that they would ever become so united... but yes they have really opened up during this trip! I want to affirm Donald especially! I don't think I would've ever talked to him at all if not for this trip... haha, I'm glad that Jason had such a great influence on him, being his roommate. Anyway, yup I think I can really started to feel the basses' spirit as a section (maybe due to Johnny's propadanda every practice)... haha...

Overall I guess the basses have helped much in gelling the choir together during the trip! heh... I think I'm pretty disappointed with myself though... lol... coz I don't think I know my section much better... We were all in our cliques - Cheryl + Luosha, Yvonne + Sera, Me + Suet, LiLin + Cheryl Jnr... ok la, but I guess this is inevitable... and we did break out of our cliques la so that's really great! :) I got closer to the Altos I think! haha... like Xin Yi, Yu Han, Catherine, Lynnette, Kimberly... hahah... Oh yeah, like we have a 'noobies gang' in choir for shopping LOL, which includes Catherine, Lynnette, Yu Han, Xin Yi, Suet and me! lol...

Hmmm... okay I really hope we do keep our promise of making the rest of the practices till SYF very effective and fun and just full of energy, instead of like in the past when everything was so SIAN and all efforts we made in choir was futile... yupyup I think we're all ready to work towards SYF now... I guess what we were really lacking in was FOCUS... so with Ms Lim's constant reminder for us to 'WAKE UP!' plus whatever experiences we've gained during the trip that has strengthened us with regards to singing and bonding, I think we'll gear up and make great leaps in our performing standards:) yepp...

Anyway enjoy the wonderful high-resolution shots taken by ZW! Thanks ZW for making the great effort to capture so many memories of the Penang Trip for us! :)

Basses worshipping their 'da sao' LOL! =p

Sssssopranos! :)

RMates! wooo.

Jumping in the air - Suet, Sera, Cheryl Jnr, Yvonne and me! =p
haha can you see a black line in the background?
- that's the Penang bridge! :)

Some of us in Job and Zhong Wei's hotel room
in the wee hours of the morning after performance night!

Casting Crowns - Praise You in this Storm

2006-11-17T01:49:00.000+08:00

CASTING CROWNS - Lifesong

Praise You In This Storm

I was sure by now

That You would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear Your whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as You mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

I'll praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

Every tear I've cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

I remember when

I stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry

You raised me up again

My strength is almost gone

How can I carry on

If I can't find You

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord

The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Rockapella Concert! :)

2006-11-15T23:58:00.000+08:00

okay my previous post was definitely something I regretted almost immediately after posting it... didn't want to post it at first because it really made me sound as if I was engaging in the process of self-pity or probably yearning for others' sympathy or something... but nvr mind, decided to leave it as it is coz a blog is just for pouring out some of my inner thoughts at that moment anyway... haha, and yeah I must tell you it felt GOOD after I poured everything out because that LONG paragraph of words really looked so compact and manageable after I posted it up! lol... yeah I guess I don't really mean what I meant... coz really, why should I be complaining when others are struggling to study for their major national examinations like the 'O's and 'A's? I really didn't realise how my situation could only get as bad as I thought it could be... and frankly, a different perspective to the situation makes all the difference... haha yup so I really shouldn't worry about TOMORROW when I have enough to cope with for TODAY... I should really just find joy in every little thing I do and soon I'll find more meaning in them... and feel more fulfilled... after all, God has placed all these things in my life for a purpose anyway... =)

8ROCKAPELLA CONCERT7

WOOO! I'm really glad that my 'wish' came true... haha... You know what? A while back around June, I actually emailed Rockapella requesting them to come to Singapore! LOL... and this was the reply I received:

"Thanks for your enthusiasm for Rockapella. However, you should realize that a musical group doesn't just show up at a venue and start singing. Instead they have to be invited to the venue by the local presenter at that venue, who agrees to pay the group their expenses and performance fees, and also agrees to promote the concert and sell tickets for it. In exchange the presenter gets to keep whatever money is left over after the concert takes place (or gets to receive lots of accolades from the community if the organization he or she works for happens to be non-profit).
"Accordingly you should be trying to persuade local presenters that an investment in a Rockapella concert is a great idea for their organization. They should then contact Rockapella's booking agent -- see the info in the Contact section of the website about how to do so. Thanks for writing and best wishes."

Gosh and now that they're actually here after 4.5 months, it's really a MIRACLE! HAHA... I enjoyed the concert to my utmost and I believe so did Suet and Ziyuan, despite the fact that 3 of us sat separately. It felt so surreal just listening to these 5 wonderful voices conveying more than just music, especially after a tiring day of crappy choir practice where all you hear are airy-fairy SOUNDS. So yeah, the contrast is so stark till Ziyuan's first sentence to me when he got out of the esplanade theatre was "I don't want to go to Penang anymore"... well...sigh... I guess HC choir's sound really needs great improvement... many many many people need individual voice-training... coz our voices are SO DIFFERENT seriously... Don't compare to Rockapella, just compare to NJ choir! yeah so vocal training is really needed, otherwise we'll never be able to blend well and sound as ONE UNIT, ONE CHOIR... as for musicality, once we have achieved that blending, I think we'll be able to bring out our emotions more naturally after that...

hmmm okay, 1 more day to Penang! Although we know that we wouldn't be putting up that impressive a performance as we should, I just hope that this will be a great learning experience for us all! An EXPOSURE that will be a stepping stone for HC choir towards SYF 2007! =)

A break from this holiday

2006-11-13T00:28:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling very very confused... rah... I know that it's probably just me and my mindset that is complicating things... but anyway the point is that I'm still confused... Grr... it's like I have choir 3 times a week or more that takes up more than half my holidays... and I have church that takes up 2 days a week... and there're also other smaller-scale service learning stuff like YLEP and HCNAC... ok whatever I've stated is copable... but then what's making things worse is that everyone's planning to go out... so you have classmates, churchmates, OGmates (? ok but that never turned out), ex-classmates, family, cousins etc>? and some don't only go out once you see... and aside from going out, you have to worry about your holiday homework awaiting you at home... and worry about doing the extra studying to make up for the poor performance this year... and in the midst of all these, suddenly someone asks you to go for tuition with her, and suddenly another service learning project in Sec 4 is revived and all ready to be alive... and help me, this is at the cost of not participating in the very enriching Porgy and Bess concert, not participating in choir CIP, quitting Interact Club (unofficially though).... and well, I don't know... my sister has been bugging me to go out every day of last week and I kept telling her to wait... and yet she's been waiting fruitlessly... and I don't give her a reply... feel really bad but what to do. It seems that I'm going out almost every day of the week already... =( some people might think that's good since they can't stand the bore of being at home... but let me tell you too much is draining as well... I NEED A BREAK FROM THIS HOLIDAY!!! lol... I want a true holiday... when I can really do anything I want as it comes... I don't want to have fixed schedules all planned out... it's just so stressful and painful to realise that my holidays are filled even before promos had started... GOSH. Just get me out of this RACE. I want to stop running... just for a while... I'm very very very tired...

Does Anybody Hear Her
Artist: Casting crowns
Album: Lifesong

she is running
a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
she is trying
but the canyon's ever widening
in the depths of her cold heart
so she sets out on another misadventure just to find
she's another two years older
and she's three more steps behind

does anybody hear her? can anybody see?
or does anybody even knows she's going down today
under the shadow of our steeple
with all the lost and lonely people
searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
does anybody hear her? can anybody see?

she is yearning
for shelter and affection
that she never found at home
she is searchingfor a hero to ride into ride in and save the day
and in walks her prince charming
and he knows just what to say
momentary lapse of reason
and she gives herself away

if judgement looms under every steeple
if lofty glances from lofty people
can't see past her scarlet letter
and we never even met her

random

2006-11-03T00:45:00.000+08:00

hehe I'm listening to 'Only Time' by enya now... very soothing... haha... and it's been on repeat mode for the past 3 hours lol! For those who can identify with me, then that's great =p I usually listen to songs on repeat mode, especially if I'm multi-tasking, since I tend to get too hooked onto the music that I'm listening to and would neglect everything esle that I'm doing... haha... but if the piece of music is on repeat mode, it would gradually dissolve to become part of my surrounding atmosphere... such that I no longer focus on it... =p Think doing this is very therapeutic, especially if I'm doing deep thinking coz it helps in increasing my concentration level somehow... lol...

Hmm anyway the latest choir practice on Wednesday was a really refreshing one =) FINALLY our ears were relieved of Ms Lim's scoldings/naggings/harsh advice/whatever you wanna call it... Seriously, I've never felt normal in a long time... Choir practices have left me sorely depressed for a long period of time, such that going to choir became a CHORE. I actually DREADED choir... when what I expected of choir was that it would be the key to help me survive JC life... yes the contrast between my dream and reality is indeed stark... somehow, nobody knew how and nobody knew why... but there was something lacking in the choir... a certain non-verbal connection... called LOVE, as identified by Ms Lim... which is so true... we enjoy each other's superficial company... but we never get past that level - this batch of choristers doesn't seem to be able to clique that well... Hmmm, well, but then again how can this connection be purposely established? It's really tough to find solutions to tackle intangible problems la... So hopefully, by God's will, every one of us would strive to attain a common goal in choir... and just feel for each other... such that we will be able to deeply etch our motto of being 'more than sound, we are music' in our hearts... Yup... Music is a beautiful thing... I think the choir should stop having an inferiority complex everytime Ms Lim tries to conduct us... Instead, we should just give our best because we actually have the potential to do well... We should be proud to be music-makers... Yeah and so we should also stop 'looking pained like we are at a funeral' (quoting Melissa)... and also (quoting Sarah), we should stop having a weary mindset at every practice, coz we are PERFORMERS! And what is the basic etiquette and role of every performer? To be able to act and present ourselves well, no matter what we are feeling at that time... Yeah I really pray for choir to rise to much greater heights... even by the Penang Trip... I pray that it would be a breakthrough for us... as long as we are trying our best and putting in our utmost... I believe God will help us to be victorious and to show others what we were made to be...

Anyway, you know what... During the past few months of choir practices, I realise that I have drawn great parallels between my mum and my choir conductor WHEN THEY SCOLD. lol... seriously... Firstly, it's what they scold us about... In my mum's case, she's the conductor trying to conduct me... telling me to be more disciplined in my studies and just change my way of life to become a more motivated student etc... yet, she isn't able to really help me change in any way... It's really up to me to decide to change and lead a more disciplined life and achieve better results... In my conductor's case, she tells us that we lack love and communication in the choir at a deeper level... yet she is also unable to help us change much, since the situation is dealing with a very intangible issue of getting the choir to achieve a common love... It's really up to everyone in choir to decide and change their mindsets and together, achieve a certain common understanding and hence attain better tangible results like SYF Gold With Honours =) Secondly, it's the way they scold... they always take the situation very, very personally... although the situation impacts them directly, but it doesn't involve their actions directly... In my mum's case, she always talks about how frustrated she feels... and she talks about whether I even care that she's doing all the housework daily while I can sleep up till 12noon sometimes... and why I am so ill-disciplined such that I can't wake up by at least 9am daily... and so she creates frustration for herself even though the situation is really about me being ill-disciplined in my life... In my conductor's case, she also always talks about how frustrated she feels due to our inconsistency... she talks about whether we really care about what she teaches since we make the same mistake even after she had taught us before... even though the situation is about us just lacking that magical connection within us and not her fault... haha... Oh well and so another parallel is that they are both so greatly impacted by their children (students in my conductor's case)...

Hmm anyway I'm really really excited for the Penang Trip! Haha, I have no idea why so don't bother asking me... But it's probably because I think it's time for me to get to interact and know my choirmates much better la... and also perhaps coz I'm finally getting out of this irritating country! OOPS ok just joking... but you know, it's always good to just take a break and get away from our normal lives... and I do mean it very literally... coz otherwise, we'll all just die of being enclosed in and suppresed by our own little minds... it's always good to open up our minds... haha and I think this Penang Trip can help me to do so =)

hehe, if you haven't realised, I didn't talk about shopping at all! Hehe oh well... what to do... I guess most girls are totally excited at the prospect of shopping... but as Leon always says, I'm not a girl... and he calls me gay too... so perhaps that explains it all... hey but seriously I don't understand what so nice about shopping lol! I only like shopping with my sister and mum, somehow... it's not really due to any money-related factor... but more coz they make me feel secure that I am spending my money's worth... Although I go about choosing my own clothes, I will only buy clothes that have gained their approval... hehe... when I go out with my friends, it's really just to watch them buy clothes that are totally not even my type la... lol... ok actually come to think of it I don't even really shop with my friends... yup and window shopping is worse... coz I would feel so unfulfilled at the end of the day! I think it's a waste of time... hahah... well, sometimes la... yeah... I can't shop for too long la... haha... no stamina! =p

Hmmm... anyway, I sorta felt quite frustrated at a friend yesterday... and the worst thing is that I found myself forgiving that friend so easily, making me even more frustrated... and confused... I really can't understand how some people can be so insensitive sometimes... When people have put so much hope into them, they are still unable to feel it and are just indifferent and carry on their lives the same, leading to much disappointment as a result. And sometimes, even when that person can be so caring sometimes, I dun understand why that person can just let all responsibility vanish in one go just because he doesn't like to deal with the situation... and what about respect... haha oh well, ATTITUDE is really a small thing that makes a BIG difference... heh. Wish you were more responsible =)

Why we loved to be scared

2006-11-01T13:34:00.000+08:00

Hmm... For a change, here's an interesting article for your reading's pleasure... Enjoy =p

Got it from: http://news.yahoo.com/s/space/20061031/sc_space/whywelovetobescared
Thought that it's highly relevant to me... lol... coz I still don't like to be scared... Remember the night that our school's student council organised the Halloween event? haha... I was totally freaked out by the show 'SHUTter'... and I probably watched only 20% of it... LOL... the rest of the time was spent SHUTing my eyes and ears and mouth and everything I could SHUT... Seriously I shouldn't even have gone... lol... The maze was better... probably coz I made a joke out of it... but initially I didn't even dare to enter the maze la... coz there was just a black opening, which meant that my imagination ran very wild of course... and basically there was only myself to scare myself... haha... Oh well, but I really hate to be in touch with such uncertainty and supernatural forces that are apparently evil... haha I'm a scaredy-cat...

Well... it's true that this is all in the mind la... like Xin Yi and Leon and totally indifferent to such stuff... and some are just scared out of our wits like WenWei HAHA... but the majority are those that say 'I'm so scared of 'Shutter'!!!' and yet still watch that movie ever so irresistably with their eyes wide open, filled with a mix of probably what is described in the article below: scared yet still enjoying the phenomenon of freaking out...

-------------------------------------------
Why we love to be scared
For all of their stomach-turning gore, horror films and haunted houses attract people in droves. This ability of the human brain to turn fear on its head could be a key to treating phobias and anxiety disorders, according to scientists.

When people get scared, their bodies automatically triggers the "fight or flight" response—their heart rates increase, they breathe faster, their muscles tense, and their attention focuses for quick and effective responses to threats.

"It's nature's way of protecting us," said clinical psychologist David Rudd at Texas Tech University.

If the brain knows there is no risk of really being harmed, it experiences this adrenaline rush as enjoyable, Rudd explained. The key to enjoying such thrills lies in knowing how to properly gauge the risk of harm.

"Young children may overestimate the risk of harm and experience true 'fear.' When that happens you see the child cling to a parent and cry, convinced there's a very real chance of harm," Rudd told LiveScience. On the other hand, "adults may well scream but quickly follow it with a laugh since they readily recognize there's no chance for real harm."

On a higher level
This phenomenon also explains why people can enjoy skydiving, bungee jumping and extreme sports.

"In these cases, those engaging in high-risk activities will tell you that the risk is lowered by their training and precautions," enabling them to enjoy the experience, Rudd said. The key structure in the brain responsible for this effect is likely the amygdala, he added, which is key to forming and storing memories linked with emotions.

The ability to enjoy fear makes evolutionary sense, said environmental psychologist Frank McAndrew at Knox College in Galesburg, Ill.

"We're motivated to seek out this kind of stimulation to explore new possibilities, to find new sources of food, better places to live and good allies," McAndrew said. "People enjoy deviations from the norm—a change of pace, within limits."

Key to therapy
If exposed repeatedly to a fearsome stimulus, the brain will get used to it and no longer experience it as frightening. This is a key behind cognitive therapies for anxiety dysfunctions such as phobias and post-traumatic stress disorder, where a person's system overreacts to perceive something as threatening when it is not, Rudd said. When such cognitive therapies are combined with medicines, their success rate at improving symptoms "is 80 percent," he added.

Meanwhile, McAndrew is exploring what makes houses feel haunted in the first place."We're focusing on what architectural features make houses appear haunted or not," he said. "We're finding they tend to be laid out in a confusing way, so that you're not sure where you are in the house. They're high in 'mystery'—you can't see very far in the house. And there are all kinds of sounds and smells not usually found in a house that can make it seem creepy."

-------------------------------------------

2006-10-29T20:13:00.000+08:00

~WATER BAPTISM~
CONGRATS TO MY DEAR SHEPHERD TRACEEE (MIA), JIAMIN (DESIREE) AND XUANTING (KEISHA)!!!

I'm so happy for these 3 sisters-in-Christ! They've finally been water baptised at the YMCA pool (which is on the 9th level of the YMCA building... woah never been to a pool that high before)... I'm so glad that Leon and I made it in time after PW coz we were more than an hour late... >< But I guess it was in God's plan for us to witness their water baptism! haha... Really glad to be there to witness my shepherd's baptism especially la =p heh... especially since she was there during my Holy Spirit Baptism even though she was supposed to have Lit lesson on that day, yet she stayed back to be with me and Suet... =) yeah... I'm really confident that Mia shall grow super duper strong in the Lord and keep growing non-stop!

Hmm I realise that I should learn to treasure my PW group more... LOL... (WOW) coz really, I might not know what I would be missing without them man... HAHA! Maybe coz I just realised that I've only ONE week (YAY! lol oops...) left with them... so it's time to put my heart into them after an entire year's worth of frustrations with them... okok just joking... it's not that bad la... HAHA... Oh well...Today's PW session was quite fun...with 2 tubs of BEN N JERRY's lol! =p Worth a total of something like $16.80... Can't rmbr but cheaper than usual =D Woah... and guess what, when we reached my house... It was exactly what Sut Yee and I predicted la... Leon fell asleep under my bed... lol ok nothing surprising... then we spent close to 1 hour eating ice-cream haha... so shuang... think we ate some butter flavour and another called 'phish food' with lots of chocolate fudge + marshmallow thingys... then we spent a super long time on the first speaker such that Leon got so bored he started playing with my soft toys and bouncing them all over the room... then arranging all the pillows and blankets and soft toys on my bed to fit themes like 'wartime' and I have absolutely no idea what... Oh well... I think he beats my brother le...

O yeah guess what! Today's my 3-MONTH SPIRITUAL BIRTHDAY! HOORAY! really fast la... that's like 1/4 of a year already! =D Thanks Fungg for reminding me heez! Actually come to think of it... 1/4 of a year is quite short... but whatever I've gone through feels like years... lol... it's quite amazing to see my social circle expand so much and also to see how much I've grown spiritually... from an ignorant person who walked into Nexus wondering why on earth religion was fit into something like a 'rock concert style' and wondering how people can just place their faith into something they don't even know is true and just filled with doubts upon doubts... then now I've finally found a new way of life... and someone whom I can rely on... yupp but this is just the dynamic beginning haha... I'm sure there's so much more to come... yeah!

Hmm I realised I'm really becoming increasingly injury-prone... lol in just one week, I strained my left ankle and got lots of blisters on the soles of my foot during chalet... and because of that, I only had half a right foot to rely on to walk... and because of that, my right foot got slightly sprained after my left ankle sorta healed. lol... and when all was fine, I crashed into a pole at the playground when my class went to Deanna's house lol! We were playing 'freeze and melt' and I still have no idea how I managed to slam into the pole... I thought I knew where I was going haha! so I my right ear and the right side of my face and my right chest and whatever's right is aching... rahh luckily no blue-black on face though, if not very chou3... lol...

kk shall end here for now haha...

2006-10-22T00:00:00.000+08:00

Hi! For those who thought that I deleted my blog, I haven't! It's just that I shifted URL for a while... I wanted to change URL at first because I thought that too many people were reading my blog and I wanted to blog about more private things... but it's okay la, I decided to just remain... think I was just feeling rather angsty a while ago...lol. oh well... but nahhh, today's service was so refreshing =D okay, actually I always feel very refreshed after services and caregroup meetings la =D hmmm... yay! ^^

I think another reason why I'm so happy is because I've finally cleared up some problems in my life! Firstly, one is to clarify a friendship with my friend... shan't elaborate much... it's just that we were being oversensitive about everything and complicating the friendship la... lol. Secondly, I've managed to learn to take things easier and to look at things from a bigger picture... I'm not so concentrated on the problem now... I guess I'll just take life as it is =D yup! Choir + Church + YLEP + HCNAC is going to be okay! =D God has a plan for my life... and I trust in Him that He'll put things right in the end... I believe in this not by sight, but by faith! yeah! =) Thank God! Thirdly, I'm really really super glad that God helped me with my results... At first, I was the only one in class who got S for Econs overall... (lowest in class)... but the S was a 44.3...so quite gek. And in the end, I duno why but they put me as E! So everyone passed for Econs overall!!! woooo! Thank God! =D Look at my results throughout the year la:
Lecture Tests Blocks Promos Overall
GP: mostly B, C C B B
Bio: both U E E E
Chem: both S S C C
Math: 1 A, 1 U U D D
Econs: mostly A,B,C C U E

So actually I'm really quite proud of my overall results when I compare it to the rest of the year... haha... except for Econs I guess... yup... but okay this is just to comfort myself... I must really really buck up! I really pray to God that He'll refresh me although next year shall be a tiring year for me struggling to cope with SYF competition and concert... and YLEP and HCNAC... yup... I pray that He'll really help me to become self-disciplined and determined to perservere and endure no matter what so that I'll be able to achieve results that allow me to glorify His name... and when people around me see God's power and goodness through my good results (YES YES YES I WILL DO WELL), their hearts will be softened and be receptive towards Him... and really have salvation brought upon them...

Hmmm... Okay lar... I guess it's always SO MUCH easier to say things than to really do it... So I must really really try very hard lor... I can see for myself that next year I'll be very tired and that I'll constantly give in to weariness... so I really really pray for God to just give me strength and renew me constantly in His presence...

Oh yeah, today Central JC groups had THREE converts!!! WOOO! So happy for them! =) Heez I really hope that HC Caregroup will expand! Living a Christian life is SO EXCITING! =) Ok la... I guess non-believers will probably think we're too blindly trying to evangelise and pull in more people into church and that's all we do... but that's not true... we really want to just introduce a different approach to life... yupyup... no forcing or anything... as in, God gave us the power of free will after all... to decide for ourselves whether we want to commit our lives to Him... such that when people really finally decide to commit their lives to Him, they'll then be able to truly understand the impact of God in their lives. But well... Evangelising is good... in that we would have planted many many many SEEDS in many people's hearts... such that we would have given them a chance to just be aware of Christianity and Our God...

Hmmm... anyway, we've finally finished our Written Report! WOOO! SO HAPPY... hEhE... Now still got Oral Presentation to work on la... but then not so bad anymore la... =) yupyup... May God lead the way!! Everything shall turn out fine in the end! =)

2006-10-15T19:11:00.000+08:00

WOOO! I'm so proud of myself... I've finally managed to install a new tagboard coz the previous one had some error... hahaha... I actually spent 2 hours on it! LOL... I'm really an IT noob (despite holding the 'Infocomm Rep' post in class HAHA)... coz the template kept screwing up everytime i added in the tagboard HTML code... lol... well I did it anyway! yay! =p

Sigh anyway promos are disgusting... I've accepted that I'm not going to do well lar... haiz... whatever la I duno, people keep telling me that I need to put more time into studying and I'll do well... I really feel like passing out... At the rate I'm going, I think I'm going to end up killing myself... YES I have too many commitments... I never knew I was going to end up with so many things on my hands today... For someone who had no CCA in primary school... ok lar I did take up many external classes lar... but then I was never so involved in school before I guess? Despite not being in council, I'm in choir, Interact, YLEP, and some other internal and external commitments la...dun wanna list... but then all I know is that I'm going to kill myself if I continue with everything... the problem is, I don't know which to quit.

Seriously, I have even considered quitting choir so that I can concentrate on other stuff that I never stepped foot in for the past years in NY and HC... It's not that I've lost interest in choir. But it's just that I have to refocus my energy... Really, but then, I can't quit, because I have a responsibility there... yeah everyone will be after me... So... I have to decide whether I'm going to do things for myself or for others...

Sigh... Right after promos, I was suddenly bombarded by emails to do this, do that, do everything... and I duno what I'm doing anymore... I'm going bonkas... CAN I JUST HAVE A BREAK... Yes give me a break. A long long break from everything... if not I'm going to explode... I have so many choices to make... and I can't decide... Maybe I wanna just stop thinking about everything for a while... and after that I can make more rational decisions...

well... I wanna blog about so many things... I also can't put them down already... lemme think... think i blog next time...

Finally Over!

2006-10-04T00:36:00.000+08:00

PROMOS ARE OVER!!!
(who cares about the SPAs)

haha I really pity the bio and chem dept... but then again, with 5 torturous papers over, who in the right mind would be bothered with SPAs - MOCK SPAs still... oh well... think most people not studying at all... ok la, the non-muggers at least... wooo. tomorrow we're just gonna play around and doodle on the paper haha... =D so exciting! =) yeah yeah yeah and after that we're gonna chiong for Festival of Sports (FOS) and who cares about anything anymore we're just gonna play our hearts OUT~

Anyway, I just wanna thank God for really giving me the strength and peace during this period... coz for every paper actually, I never really managed to finish studying... I always fall asleep quite early the night before around 10.30pm or 11pm... then when I wake up in the morning at 5am, I always feel super panicky coz I only have the most 1.5hours left to study before the start of the paper... and somehow, everytime I talk to God, He never fails to calm me down and keep me composed such that I am able to really make full use of the little time left to absorb all the relevant information that I can... =) Hmm... I don't think I'll do well for this promos la... but I think I definitely endured the process much better this time... because God was with me this time! =) So really thank God for being my strength, my source, my salvation and just being there for me all the time patiently guiding me through the exam paper... Even when I feel like giving up, God was there to assure me that I wasn't doing this for myself or to fulfil others' expectations... I'm glad that I was doing this to glorify God's name and this really served to motivate me during the exams... I know that I'm not alone anymore...

Heh I'm also very thankful for the fellowship that the Lord has blessed me with throughout this entire period... It's wonderful that HCCG is so great such that we're everywhere... and you can just turn to anyone in times of stress... and even if you don't turn to others, people will turn to you and express their constant care and concern for you... popping encouragements through smses, writing postcards, msn, etc etc...and you'll never fail to feel LOVED! Aww... haha and the best thing is that the HCCG studies together so often till the point where we have gotten sick of seeing each other! haha... ok just joking! WE HAVEN'T GOT ENOUGH OF EACH OTHER! haha... seriously even after studying with each other every single day during the entire Sept hols, Yvonne could still come up to me the week right after feeling empty, saying "I really miss HCCG"... hahah... but that's so touching la...haha... really reflects the closeness of our CG! =)

Hmmm...the fellowship that God has blessed me with consists of non-believers too! I'm so grateful to have Wayne, Lu Jie, De Pin, Shirlene to study with too la... yup... Couldn't have survived this period without them too... Like Wayne, the Intellect 1, who painstakingly explained to me "The-Terrible-Trilogy-of-Terrors-of-all-Terrors-that-didn't-even-come-out-during-exam" for 2 consecutive nights and 'koped' fries for me... Lu Jie, the Intellect 2, who finally opened up more and revealed his amusing side... De Pin and his natural entertainment skills... just by the retarded manner he talks and looks HAHA okok JOKING... Shirlene who provided constant encouragement...

haha ok leonzyboi studied with us too... I accidentally leave him out one... oops... he too insignificant liao... hahaha ok joking lar... coz that para for non-believers mah... oh well. anyway I got nothing to thank you for. I only know you got to thank me for everything - from borrowing my notes to borrowing more notes. hahahaa... ok la....... jkjk.... er thanks for letting me see your sian face so often - it's become a comfort to know that I'm not alone in being sian of the J1 syllabus... and thanks for studying with us la... yr mighty influence to slack might not have successfully tempted us to follow suit, but it has surely helped us to loosen up to a great extent... hehe... =D

Hmmm anyway I can't believe it... On the same day that I told Christine I thought shopping was boring, I WENT SHOPPING. Goodness... I'll never believe it myself... ok la, but it's partly because... I'm sick and tired of wearing sports shoes 24/7... and actually EVERYONE is sick and tired of SEEING me wear sports shoes 24/7... so I actually bought FLATS. haha. woooo. I'm so proud of myself! And I also bought a shirt...which is different from the usual shirts I wear =) hahaha... shall wear this Saturday! yay I'm so so so proud of myself. It's a fashion breakthrough!!! haha... Oh yeah, all this I did with my dear sister... So glad that God blessed me with this sister haha... k I'm really not close to my sister one lor... and our personalities clash lar... but then I'm glad that God gave us the opportunity to get to know each other a little wee bit better... and to just spend time together as sisters... Oh ya I went to cut hair too... and at the salon, the lady cutting my hair was telling me how nan2 de2 it was for my sister to be following me out... haha... ya so I should really appreciate this =) hehe... I think it's really cool that I chose to go out with my mum for lunch and sister for shopping instead of my friends! haha, had a sudden calling for it... No idea why... Hmmm maybe God carved this path for me to tell me that I'm neglecting my family too much already... and to remind me that I should concentrate on my family as well even though I'm having so much fun with my friends... He is trying to tell me that being with my family members can be fun too! haha =)

oh well, ok, shall stop here! Can't wait for CG on Thurs and Church on Sat! and JIA YOU Yvonne for being MC on MAF! Everyone JIA YOU for FOS! lol... and everyone please SLACK! =)

Still

2006-10-01T12:42:00.000+08:00

Hide me now, under Your wings
Cover me, within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You, above the storm
Father, You are King over the flood
I will be still, know You are God

Find rest my soul, in Christ alone
Know His power, in quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You, above the storm
Father, You are King over the flood
I will be still, know You are God

2006-09-17T11:08:00.000+08:00

I guess this is terrible period for everyone... struggling to cope with studies and everything... and for Christians, we're so busy with our church stuff... like whole of Fri and Sat taken up... at times I really feel as if going for church stuff is a waste of time... thoughts of ponning CG and anniversary can just pop into my mind la... ok not really that it's a waste of time... but then it seems that studies should be priority at this moment... but then again, I guess this is a period when we really need God by our side... and I'm thankful for God coz I can always place that simple faith in Him that He'll take care of us, such that I'm able to attend CG and church services without worrying much... and maybe that's why everytime I start praying at CG or church services, the first thing I pray for is to thank God for bringing me to CG/church that day... and to appreciate that He gave me that day to live... coz everyday is a new experience created in God's plan for us... hmmm... I'm really thankful that God came into my life... that I'm able to rely on Him anytime, anywhere... I guess studies is a challenge that God placed on us... After all, Christians always live on the edge... but then again, this is to train us to be true water-walkers... So everyone, just place your faith in Him and don't worry so much! For God will provide :)

I can't stand it when you're so inconsistent... you seem to care, but that's only when things interest you... stop being so consumed by yourself.

Metamorphosis! =)

2006-09-07T00:15:00.000+08:00

444METAMORPHOSIS!333

I'm really glad that God prompted me to go coz I sincerely have no regrets! I've definitely gained much from it! Inititally, I was held back by worries about wasting studying time and basically that I would waste this whole day away. But somehow, I felt a certain calling from God to stay throughout the entire programme although there were many opportunities to leave, so I just stayed throughout in the end! heez... I've definitely brought back many lessons about QT, the Holy Trinity, the Holy Spirit baptism, church, fellowship and basically about God, His Word and His Ways...

okay, I'm really worn out and so I shall blog a much shorter entry than usual... heh. Shall just touch on the 2 main parts of the programme that really impacted me the most - the Holy Spirit Baptism and the concert! =)

The Holy Spirit Baptism!
I actually received the Holy Spirit today! This means that I am able to speak in tongues! haha I haven't really felt the extent of elation that I expected to feel... Actually I just feel very dreamy instead of feeling like I want to scream for joy... haha maybe it was coz I didn't dare to confirm whether I could speak in tongues yet, just in case it was just fake and I would then be disappointed... so it was more like I accepted the fact that I could speak in tongues step by step... and thus I wasn't very overwhelmed with joy when I was sure I could speak in tongues... heh...

Actually, within the past week before Metamorphosis, I had prayed to God to bless me with the gift of tongues... But while I was praying, I was unsure of what to pray for... All I could ask God was to bless me with this gift... After all, I didn't really know the purpose of praying in tongues, so I saw it as a want instead of a need... and I was doubtful of whether God would thus bless this want, since He would only bless me with my needs... Then I also tried to roughly imitate others' tongues based on my memory coz I just felt that I wanted to speak in tongues... Almost everyone around me could speak in tongues anyway, so that made me want this special gift even more... =p

Until now, I'm still not sure whether what ever nonsense I had babbled in the past week was really tongues... sometimes I feel that sense of overwhelming emotions and I feel that I am really speaking in tongues... but sometimes I feel that I'm just forcing myself to speak in a different language... haha. So I really doubted it...

And today, I finally prayed to God for it... I finally understood that what I really wanted was for the Holy Spirit to work in me... to live in me... and whatever overwhelming emotions I feel would be expressed as tongues... so I just had that simple faith in him... and I kept assuring myself out loud that He would give me the faith, assurance, courage, strength, security, etc to just believe in Him and allow Him to fill my soul... then I just waited for myself to be filled with His presence... and to be touched by His presence... and I just spoke out whatever language that I tried in the previous week... not caring whether it was an imitation of others or not... at first I think I was speaking at a volume somewhere in between my real voice and whispering, coz I was afraid that others would hear... haha.

But after Tracy finished praying for me, she told me she that she thought I had it... which gave me the confidence to pray on for reassurance and faith that I actually have received the Holy Spirit... I was praying on my own at this point, coz Tracy went over to pray for Suet... and I duno why, but halfway through, I just started crying... maybe coz I was desperate... I duno... then I just felt some sort of thing in my head, forehead and nose area... like some burning sensation... I duno whether it was coz of the urge to cry... but I never felt that before... it felt nice... like there was some power filling me... then my legs were trembling throughout, but maybe coz Nexus was too cold...haha.

Anyway, Tracy and Raphael seemed pretty sure that Yong Sheng, Jie Xun and I got it... despite myself still being rather doubtful that I did... So I decided to just join in the prayer for Suet, Abigail and Kai Sheng to receive the Holy Spirit... During the prayer, I decided to try praying in tongues... coz I was also skeptical of my ability to speak in it... Then I just did... At times, when I wanted to pray in English, it came out as a different language instead... I didn't express my thoughts in English, but instead it was more like expressing a gush of feelings...

As Abigail and Kai Sheng are new believers, it was probably much less disappointing for them that they didn't manage to receive the Holy Spirit as compared to Suet, who has been a staunch believer and a child of God for more than 2 years! So we just prayed and prayed really hard for Suet during the concert (when they gave us time to pray for people to receive the Holy Spirit) since she was a woman of God after all... In fact, the whole HC caregroup stayed back after the concert just to pray for her and to give her emotional support... Love our caregroup! We really care for one another... =)

Concert!

The concert was a blast! heez. All the praise and worship songs being played were just so appropriate... =) many of them were Hillsongs, which I believe most people love! haha... so everyone got really high! And we prayed together for the HC caregroup to grow... Our target's 22! =) yup I really hope that we'll be able to hit this target when promos end... and we will then be able to really draw people in when they're not distracted by promos and other more immediate stuff... yup! and BREAKTHROUGH 1000!

okiez. the end. it was a pretty short entry =) half of the previous ok! yay~!

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO ME! =P

2006-08-19T22:56:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! AHHHHHHHH... THIS HAS GOT TO BE THE GREATEST BIRTHDAY I'VE EVER HAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!! ESPECIALLY SINCE IT'S THE FIRST BIRTHDAY THAT I'M SPENDING IN GOD'S PATH...

Seriously, I've never felt so good in such a long time... haha... the extent of elation that I feel stretches out miles upon miles... It's totally indescribable... (and now I'm listening to the song 'everlasting' so I'm feeling even more high than normal haha) sigh... I duno where to start... I guess I'm really glad to have accepted God into my life... coz He's a constant inspiration to me... sometimes I still feel doubtful about whether to accept God, but I guess it's all about making the effort to build up my faith... I always think that only if my faith in God comes naturally, then it is sincere... But actually, over time, I realise that it doesn't work that way. Faith does not come like that. One has to build it up gradually. So... as I attend church services and CG sessions every week, I hope to learn more about God. As I am inspired by Him, and as I learn more about how relevant He is in my life, my faith in Him will then grow...

I'm so thankful for the brothers and sisters that God has blessed me with coz they're such great friends! In just a month of accepting God, I already find myself feeling a strong sense of belonging to the caregroup. Somehow, everyone in the caregroup is really NICE. haha... it's so vague, but yeah that's how I understand it as well... There's just something NICE about every single individual in the CG but I can't identify what it is. haha... maybe it's coz we're all children of God! haha. That's what makes us special. haha =p We're all very loving people I guess =) Sigh, I really wish this for choir man... At least, I expected myself to feel this sort of belonging towards choir while I was still in NY choir... haha. This sort of undying yearn to be with this group of people... haha. I'm thus really glad to be able to find this feeling in this caregroup and to feel the love of God so intensely... =)

Yesterday was such a blessed day. I'm so so so so so glad that God blessed my birthday with so many joyous happenings... haha.

My first day of my 17th year started off with a prayer meet at the basketball courts with the CG =) yeah and I'm so glad that it started out with God... coz He was the one who gave me such a great 17 years of life on earth. haha. so I'm glad to celebrate it with God first thing in the morning. heh... It's really nice to start the day off by talking to God... just sharing with Him my personal problems and worries and just having that FAITH in Him that He'll put things right somehow... even if things don't go the way we want them to be, we'll gain something out of it somehow anyway... After all, God has a plan for everyone and every single day He created for us is special. So we should just live the plan He has planned for each of us to the fullest. Like I read in Tracy's blog: Rejoice in every day that the Lord has made! heh. =)

The first lesson in the morning was swimming... I was really determined not to join in the advanced course as supposed to coz I was afraid that I'd be too weary to do the math test later... But after a while, the extremely indecisive me decided to change my mind and join the advanced people again coz the beginner's course was rather boring and I had too much energy to vent. oops. So I gladly completed my swimming test - 4 laps of freestyle and another 4 of breaststroke. haha. I'm glad that God spurred me on and kept me determined to complete all 8 laps. hoho. And He even gave me the energy to survive my math test even though the 8 laps was really exhausting. I'm glad He led me to make the right decision. =) haha. In the end, the math test turned out fine... God guided me through the test and I could feel His power and strength running in my veins... I'm glad He understood how much I wanted to do well for this test. YAY. haha, thanks Leon, Yong Sheng and Jonathan for helping me through... Definitely couldn't have survived if not for the studying sessions we had with the other church people as well haha. Even if you didn't help me much with the subject itself, you provided a constant motivation for me somehow... haha, coz everyone is so encouraging! =)

Heez anyway throughout the entire day, my inbox kept flashing the words 'no space for new messages' which was quite irritating coz I was quite bothered about deleting old messages every now and then to make space for new ones lol... kinda gave up in the end... ahha. Anyway thanks to all those who sent msges! Really thankful! Even those who just wished me a happy birthday verbally without doing any special things like giving gifts or whatsoever, doesn't matter la... haha. ya so GENE dun worry okae =) haha... doesn't matter.

Receiving gifts is definitely not a top priority on my birthday... and somehow I wasn't expecting much to happen at all... haha. I thought that the choir would celebrate my birthday the most wildly... But it turned out that it was the total opposite... lol... Maybe coz I placed my expectations so low that I was really touched by anything that happened... =p

Hmm my class did the sweetest thing ever! haha... During PW, Ms Tay was talking to each group about their respective Written Reports... and since my group didn't hand up anything this time (we handed in quite a number of drafts already ok!! ahha), and Sut Yee went home since she was sick (hope you're fine now!), my group just stoned... Leon lent me his ipod to listen to music while he stoned... and I just stoned too... Vincent was walking around I think =S haha... after that Vincent and I shared Leon's ipod... lol... then Leon and I were even talking about when I could return his ipod coz I thought I was going to stone all the way till choir while he played badminton or I duno what. lol... and so unexpectantly, Jason came into class with a birthday cake and the class started singing the birthday song... lol! And there I was as if I just awoke... totally not in the birthday mood. gosh. I kinda felt embarrassed that it was my birthday such that I had to tell myself 'Hey! It's your birthday! God gave you life and so just appreciate it and be proud that it is your birthday!' lol... ok yeah then cutting of cake etc and the exciting part was that the guys started playing with cake and smearing cake all over each other. ahahah. oh well. grr... in the end only left Wayne, Jason and Leon... I forgot who smashed me with cake too la goshh. I think it was Jason lol... ewwwww. disgusting cake. It was the cake I was eating la. lol. nvm had loads of fun la. =) THANKS 06S76 FOR MAKING MY BIRTHDAY SUCH A HAPPY ONE! I'm really touched that you guys went out of school to get the cake la! lol! Never expected it... just thought you all would sing a birthday song for me or something... lalala. Just glad to have such a GREAT CLASS! =) This class has been giving me loads of emotional support throughout this year... haha. Although I'm not especially close to anyone (YET), a sense of closeness in our class just makes me feel comforted whenever I'm in the presence of the class... heez. Xin Yi and I are always so excited to see if there's still anyone at our class bench after choir... and we'll be on cloud nine if we really do meet people there. lol.

hmm then in choir, the choir sang bdae song for me...while singing the chinese version of the birthday song, they held the 'zhu ni sheng ri kuai le eerrrr...' until I had to cut them off... lol... quite amusing >< la ="p" well ="p">gift of music that God has blessed upon us! =)

GUESS WHAT? After choir, my family actually went out for dinner together to celebrate my birthday!!! I'M REALLY SO HAPPY! HAHA, coz it's like the first time in one thousand years that we actually ate together AS A FAMILY! haha! I'm really touched =p ahhaa... and my mum actually GAVE ME A HUG! haha.., ok I think I may seem like I'm crazy to some of you but seriously hugs from my mum are soooooooooooooooo rare. My family is probably the kind that isn't used to showing affection...Who knows what I'm talking about? (quoting Pastor Jeff) haha... hmm well we had a great dinner at Jack's Place together! =) GREAT GREAT GREAT DINNER! hahaa. I think I can't get enough of it. hey, NOT the food ok! I really do mean the time I spent with my family! ahhaha. =D Anyway this year is special too coz my father never really wished me a happy birthday before... As in the time when he wishes me will be when we sing the birthday song while cutting the cake... but it'll be as a family... but this year he actually sent me an SMS! it just went: 'happy birthday.' But I was really all smiles. =D coz I didn't expect my father to remember my birthday in the first place since we're so distant. heh... =X sighsigh. really touched. =)

Today's church service was so relevant to what I've always been pushing to the back of mind - my relationship with my family... I've always felt that my interaction with my family is so so so minimal, which is so sad! =( but somehow, my own life in school and with my friends are consuming me such that I just tell myself how I'll always have time with my family next time... but then how can we look at things this way? God wants us to be responsible for our part in the family whether or not others in the family are responsible for their respective roles... well I definitely haven't fulfilled my role as the eldest child of the family... not much. And 'honour(ing) my father and mother'? I think I might've been quite disrespectful to them at times...such as raising my voice... the only good thing that I'm doing is probably thanking them...

hmm anyway church service today was so much better than last week... I felt that I was able to really lose myself in bringing Him praise... probably coz today's theme was so relevant to me that I suddenly felt how great God's relevance to my life was... haha. you know everytime I see how others raise their hands to praise the Lord, I always don't dare to coz I feel it's very extra... I know I shouldn't be feeling that way coz it's good that I want to express my love for the Lord and I shouldn't ever hold back anything to worship God... but oh well... I was kinda embarrassed... but at the last part I finally did it! hahah... so happy... I just closed my eyes so I didn't care if anyone saw me... coz all I wanted was for God to know how grateful I was towards Him... ah well.

Hmm after church service, I had a great birthday celebration by my beloved CG!!!!!!!! wooooooo. Probably never received so many gifts in my life. lol... I think the best gift was really the CD of Christian worship songs - something that I've been wanting to get my hands on for a long time ><><>'be smashed by cake twice on one person's birthday'... lol... hmm really touched la... and this time the celebration was quite big coz there were people from the other JCs too... like Jia Min, Xuan Ting, etc... hehez. so glad =) I feel quite bad that you guys did so much for just one person la... er... ya... but seriously no need to... as in, sometimes I think it's coz you all are worried that I, being a new believer, might just lose my interest in going to church or something and never come back... and so you all gave me such wonderful gifts to make me stay? ok... no la, that's v bad... but er... just wanna say... don't need to do so much to make me stay... coz... I will stay. and yeah when I've committed to GOD, I can't just leave... it's like leaving the family... leaving my own blood... leaving the one who gave me life... leaving the one whom I am able to place my greatest faith upon... leaving the one who allows me to commit sins knowing that I'm imperfect and so forgives me... leaving the one who gave me the opportunity to understand more about life... I just hope that my faith won't waver... yup.

Next week, Lim Mian should be going to 'visit' the church... =) I pray for her in hope that she'll find a new life in the house of God... a better, greater life where she'll be able to seek emotional comfort by placing her faith in God... and where she'll be able to find solace in the caregroup whenever she's troubled, while she gradually feels a stronger sense of belonging to her class... I also hope that You'll help her open her eyes to understand her life better. Being a rather shy girl, I pray that You'll guide her in learning to express herself more openly and completely such that she'll gain greater fulfilment in her life... And all this I want to share with her because she's been such a great friend in my life... and I'm thankful that You've given me such a special soulmate. In return, I hope to share with her a greater life... and I hope that You'll give her just that as she learns more and more about You... in Jesus's name I pray, Amen. =)

2006-08-09T15:14:00.000+08:00

HEY! Found this story from Jonathan's blog... (Thanks Jon, hope you don't mind!) and I wanna share it with anyone who visits this place... coz you'll surely gain something out of it, however you want to interpret it :)
Enjoy :)
----------------------------------------------

The Wemmicks were small wooden people. Each of them was carved by a woodworker named Eli. His workshop sat on a hill overlooking their village.

Every Wemmick was different. Some had big noses; others had large eyes. Some were tall and others were short. Some wore hats; others wore coats. But all were made by the same carver and all lived in the village.

And all day, every day, the Wemmicks did the same thing: They gave each other stickers. Each Wemmick had a box of golden star stickers and a box of grey dot stickers. Up and down the streets all over the city, people could be seen sticking stars or dots on one another.

The pretty ones, those with smooth wood and fine paint, always got stars. But if the wood was rough or the paint chipped, the Wemmicks gave dots. The talented ones got stars, too. Some could lift big sticks high above their heads or jump over tall boxes. Still others knew big words or could sing very pretty songs. Everyone gave them stars.

Some Wemmicks had stars all over them! Every time they got a star it made them feel so good that they did something else and got another star. Others, though, could do little.

They got dots.

Punchinello was one of these. He tried to jump high like the others, but he always fell. And when he fell, the others would gather around and give him dots. Sometimes when he fell, it would scar his wood, so the people would give him more dots. He would try to explain why he fell and say something silly, and the Wemmicks would give him more dots.

After a while he had so many dots that he didn't want to go outside. He was afraid he would do something dumb such as forget his hat or step in the water, and then people would give him another dot. In fact, he had so many grey dots that some people would come up and give him one without reason.

"He deserves lots of dots," the wooden people would agree with one another. "He's not a good wooden person." After a while Punchinello believed them. "I'm not a good Wemmick," he would say. The few times he went outside, he hung around other Wemmicks who had a lot of dots. He felt better around them.

One day he met a Wemmick who was unlike any he'd ever met. She had no dots or stars. She was just wooden. Her name was Lulia. It wasn't that people didn't try to give her stickers; it's just that the stickers didn't stick. Some admired Lulia for having no dots, so they would run up and give her a star. But it would fall off. Some would look down on her for having no stars, so they would give her a dot. But it wouldn't stay either.

"That's the way I want to be," thought Punchinello. 'I don't want anyone's marks.' So he asked the sticker-less Wemmick how she did it.

"It's easy," Lulia replied. "Everyday I go to see Eli."

"Eli?"

"Yes, Eli. The woodcarver... I sit in the workshop with him."

"Why?"

"Why don't you find out for yourself? Go up the hill. He's there." And with that the Wemmick with no marks turned and skipped away.

"But he won't want to see me!" Punchinello cried out. Lulia didn't hear.

So Punchinello went home. He sat near a window and watched the wooden people as they scurried around giving each other stars and dots. "It's not right," he muttered to himself. And he resolved to go see Eli.

He walked up the narrow path to the top of the hill and stepped into the big shop. His wooden eyes widened at the size of everything. The stool was as tall as he was. He had to stretch on his tiptoes to see the top of the workbench. A hammer was as long as his arm.

Punchinello swallowed hard. "I'm not staying here!" and he turned to leave.

Then he heard his name.

"Punchinello" The voice was deep and strong. Punchinello stopped.

"Punchinello! How good to see you…Come and let me have a look at you." Punchinello turned slowly and looked at the large bearded craftsman.

"You know my name?" the little Wemmick asked.

"Of course I do. I made you."

Eli stooped down and picked him up and set him on the bench.

"Hmm," the maker spoke thoughtfully as he inspected the grey circles. "Looks like you've been given some bad marks."

"I didn't mean to, Eli. I really tried hard."

"Oh, you don't have to defend yourself to me, child. I don't care what the other Wemmicks think."

"You don't?"

"No, and you shouldn't either. Who are they to give stars or dots? They're Wemmicks just like you. What they think doesn’t matter, Punchinello. All that matters is what I think. And I think you are pretty special."

Punchinello laughed. "Me, special? Why? I can't walk fast. I can't jump. My paint is peeling. Why do I matter to you?"

Eli looked at Punchinello, put his hands on those small wooden shoulders, and spoke very slowly."Because you're mine. That's why you matter to me."

Punchinello had never had anyone look at him like this - much less his maker. He didn't know what to say.

"Every day I've been hoping you'd come." Eli explained.

"I came because I met someone who had no marks."

"I know. She told me about you."

"Why don't the stickers stay on her?"

"Because she has decided that what I think is more important than what they think. The stickers only stick if you let them."

"What?"

"The stickers only stick if they matter to you. The more you trust my love, the less you care about the stickers."

"I'm not sure I understand."

"You will, but it will take time. You've got a lot of marks. For now, just come to see me every day and let me remind you how much I care."

Eli lifted Punchinello off the bench and set him on the ground.

"Remember," Eli said as the Wemmick walked out the door. "You are special because I made you. And I don't make mistakes."

Punchinello didn’t stop, but in his heart he thought, "I think he really means it."

And when he did, a dot fell to the ground.

-------------------------------------------------

Thanks for sharing the story with me :) and now that I've finally read the story, I don't think you did the story injustice at all... Don't give yourself grey dots :)
Hmm I think for me, this story is very relevant... I tend to live on the expectations of others and I often judge myself based on how others treat me everyday... Like if someone daos me, especially a closer friend, I'll get rather upset coz I feel rejected and I duno if I've done anything wrong or what... and yeah I would've gained a grey dot in that way... and when someone praises me or even just talks to me, I would feel really happy...coz I would feel accepted lar... ok nvm sounds lame. but yeah even though it's very minor, all these little things will just add up to affect my mood in some way or another...
In school, it sometimes seems that gaining stars doesn't matter anymore unless you have managed to gain a significant amount of stars... more than often, avoiding gaining grey dots is the key to 'survival' in school... ok I guess I'm talking in terms of achievements. But seriously, who really cares about your character liao... People often take friends for granted... they think that after JC and a few subsequent years after... who is really going to remember you for your character...? They'll primarily look at you for your achievements and all... and oh well. I duno. ha... this is how reality is. reality sucks and reality hurts.
But now I know I don't have to care, coz... I know that there are people in church who really care and we'll stick for eternity. and of course, we all know there's always Someone there to care for us... for eternity as well... and so who really cares what others think of you? God cares. Who really knows you for who you are? God does. Who really remembers you for who you are? God does. So nothing matters anymore. It really doesn't.

2006-08-05T19:34:00.000+08:00

Hey! Check out the latest song that I added to my blog radio... 'I Simply Live'. hehez. It's really uplifting! =) This is one of the 2 songs that we sang during the CareGroup (CG) meeting on Thursday (3rd Aug)... The other one's called 'Deeply In Love'... Both are really great songs! We had the very talented Samuel playing the guitar for us while we sang these worship songs and I believe that everyone felt really warmed by each of our own voices as we gather together to praise and worship God. hmm... I'm really glad and thankful that God was persistent in being the whisper in my heart, urging me to go for the CG meeting... coz I didn't want to go at first. Or rather, I was really extremely hesitant to go as I was afraid that my faith in God will slacken and I won't go back and I'll feel really guilty... I know that once I take the first step to do something, I just don't like to give up on it so easily... So this time I know that I'll be taking a giant step if I start attending CG meetings. There'll be something in me that'll tell me I shouldn't stop and I should just keep giving it a try. Then again, I must thank Leon for being so ever-patient with someone who is soooo indecisive. coz I really enjoyed my first CG session. I might have gone late and missed the games, but I really don't mind... coz what I really wanted was to just sing my heart out and feel soothed as I free my mind of all thoughts and just focus on praying to God. It's really relaxing coz at the end of such a hectic day, this CG session undoubtedly serves as a very effective time for me to let go. just let go...and be lavished with God's love, knowing that there'll always be someone that you can trust in and rely on.

Actually, I have kinda accepted God my whole life but my faith in God is still very weak... Frankly, I must say that I don't really so passionate for God such that I will want to jump and down when I pray for Him... or that I want to raise my hands or anything. The only thing I know is that I'm always touched by His presence. I definitely can't relate everything that is happening in my life to God yet... I just think that this is the way things are in life and I accept them as they come without realising that it is God who puts things that way for each of us. During the sermon at Festival of Praise yesterday, the pastor said something that went: "God has a plan for each of us." So I guess everything that is happening around us is because God has specially arranged for it to be that way. hmm. It takes time la.

Hmm since I mentioned the Festival of Praise (FOP), I might as well talk about it... It was really heartening to see SO many people coming from all corners of Singapore for this festival... Can you imagine? Even the seats behind the stage had to be open to allow more people to sit... Shows how much people FEEL for God. I duno when I'll ever reach that level of understanding and passion for God? Hmm. But it was really nice singing worship songs. haha, I guess my favourite part of every church service etc is to sing worship songs... coz that's precisely when I feel the most for God... WOAH but you should really have been at FOP coz during the singing of worship songs, EVERYONE was up on their feet and clapping to the rhythm of the song and raising their arms up to God... I just clapped la.. er.. I think I feel funny raising my arms up haha... I guess I still don't dare to worship God so openly yet? hmm. Again, it takes time I guess. hmm oh yeah thanks Xiang Yu, Leon, Jonathan and all those who went really early to queue for us to get us good seats... really glad that you all sacrificed so much of your time to get us seats heeez. Oh yeah, and thank God all of us managed to get their in time and weren't locked out like what happened last year (I heard). hmm.

Hmmm I think many of you (my non-Christian friends) will think I'm weird when you read this entry... You'll probably think that I'm really easily influenced by my friends and just follow my friends who are so passionate about God... or you'll possibly think that I'm being too rash and shouldn't be involved in religion so quickly... and it's funny to hear me thanking God or talking about God and all. But nahhh, don't think that way. As in... I feel that God has been there all my life, but I just can't understand the COMPLETE relevance of Him to my life... and maybe now I'm just trying to learn about how he affects my life...Usually I will accept all the things that are happening in my life, whether good or bad, as part and parcel of life. Yeah. It's like how people believe in fate. One can say: It is fate that brought us together. A christian will say: It is God that brought us together. I duno, I'm taking a very open-minded point of view. I think that each of us has some sort of FAITH within us. I mean, there are so so so so so many thousands and millions of things happening in our life that is impossible to explain 95% of what has occurred... so in order to just trust that everything will turn out okay in our lives, we have to place our trust and hope in the forces that are controlling our lives... something that we can't see... and this is called FAITH! whether it's fate, God or coincidence or whatever that we want to believe in... all these are reasons that we are creating for ourselves to assure ourselves. and yeah so I can understand those who don't want to be Christians or take up other religions. coz each of us has our own set of faith and beliefs after all. but for these people, they should then understand why people need God in their lives... it's the same principle and everyone should just respect an individual's choice. So for me, having grown up in a 'more-towards-Christian' sort of family, I would naturally have felt God's presence and God's touch and God's influence in my life. When my mother was pregnant with my brother (I was K2-Pri 1 then), she made me pray to God almost everyday that I would get a brother... and then I really had a brother many months later... and so now I see my brother as someone God blessed me with... and yeah I shall just repeat what I wrote in my previous blog entry about my mum doing a cross-stitch for me while she was pregnant with me... and that cross-stitch still hangs on my wall today... and it says "Blessed are they who put their trust in God" [Psalm 2:12] hmm yupyup.

ok... but now there's another problem... my results... MY WHOLE FAMILY SAW MY RESULTS WHILE I WAS AT FOP!!! =( sigh... I really feel very sad that I upset my parents and I'm always embarrassed now in front of my sister whenever my mother brings up the subject of my results. My sis was asking "You got U for Maths... Means what?" and I duno what to say... I get very irritated coz I have to face reality and say "Ya I failed." I FAILED. ok. =( and now what, my mum wants me to stop going to church and doing church-related stuff and quit Interact as well... and just focus on studies (coz it should be my priority) and choir (only coz choir is so strict that there's no way to get me to go for fewer practices)... so... I DUNO I DUNO I DUNO. I know that my mum is right... but I guess I myself cannot accept and recognise my own capabilities such that I am not utilising my time very wisely. but haiz. Oh well I'm still very confused about my time management and how I am handling my commitments. =(

Oh well. Everything is okay at the end. and so since everything is not okay, THIS IS NOT THE END.

yay. I've been talking to myself for the past 1.5hrs... wOw. Now I must let go and stop thinking so much and step into the realm of reality again. =)

Any instant can be a new beginning for you. You don't have to wait for the next day or next year to start afresh. =) Yeah this very moment IS a new beginning for me! 3...2...1... YAY it's a new beginning again! 3...2...1... YAY! ok haha nvm. Just repeating what the pastor said during the 2nd church service I attended. ahha. He's really amusing. ><

Hmm... I hope that church services will help me to improve my confidence level as I place more and more of my trust in God... coz I know that God is always by my side... =p

haha... yay it's fun quoting whatever I've learnt during the past church services. =) makes me feel good coz I value everything that I take away from church... I have definitely learnt much more about life... and I'm learning more and more about life...

Hmm kk I shouldn't think so much la, I don't want to feel pressurised by something that deals so intrinsically with faith and emotions coz it'll get me all worked up. haha. yeah ok... shall join in Friday morning's prayers... but for CG sessions and church services... I think I'll have to go rather infrequently... oh well. hopefully my mum is ok...I better study harder for promos. Dear God please help me...Give me STRENGTH!!!

2006-07-29T20:14:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, I really wish that I were a UAA, UAG, or UGA. when everything can just STOP. Sometimes, I also wish that I never had to feel, so that I'll never have to bother with thinking too much and disrupting my life with my own thoughts. To most people, it seems that if there aren't any external factors affecting ourselves, everything is fine. But really, sometimes it is OURSELVES that create problems for ourselves. Like me, an overly sensitive and emotional wart, I get very irritated with myself. I don't know why.

Why Why Why.
STOP thinking so much. STOP STOP STOP. I don't want to FEEL. It's irritating. I'm very confused and I hate it. I really really really really really hate it. HATE IT. HATE IT. I HATE IT. I hate having to feel all those feelings and just wish I were never to feel again. And making decisions will always come easy coz you only have to deal with the practical aspect of it and never have to FOLLOW YOUR HEART as people would say and never have to consider how you yourself feel deep down.

yeah.

I must learn to DETACH.
so that I can learn to take things easy.
DETACHMENT. DETACHMENT. DETACHMENT.

Please free me of my thoughts. I want to be free.

2006-07-23T20:48:00.000+08:00

Hmm the youth pastor at Y-Hope church posted a question that went somewhat like: Why do some people feel that despite having spent a great time with their friends and enjoying themselves to their utmost, at the end of the day they are somehow only left with a feeling of emptiness?

Her answer was: It's coz they aren't actually living. Without placing their faith in God, they aren't actually living.

Well, now what. Am I supposed to place my faith in God? Like, yeah ok I have faith in God, He will protect me, I feel safe, and ok I no longer feel a sense of emptiness? I really think that for all those who have placed their faith in God, what they are actually doing is placing faith in themselves. When they say that they trust God, they are actually saying that they trust themselves, which is where they get their source of faith from. It's just that most of the time, trusting ourselves seems like the most unfeasible option ever, so we feel that we have to place our trust upon someone esle... it's always good to know that there's someone by your side... you feel that you are not alone... but really, not that I'm on my way to insult any religion or anything, but it's all in the mind I think... oh well.

anyway, do you ever feel this sort of emptiness? I duno why, but last night and tonight, I'm feeling a sort of heaviness in my whole body...It's weird coz it no longer seems like a mental heaviness. I can actually feel that physical agony of being tugged at and pulled downwards and just feeling down literally. tell me why.

I think I should learn to fly.

Y-Hope Church

2006-07-22T23:14:00.000+08:00

Hmm I duno how to start... but I must first say that this must have been one of the most unique experiences I have ever had in a long long time. And I'm glad I went today, because I think the 2 hours at Y-Hope Church made quite a big impact on me... Whether I'm going back to Y-Hope Church next week is another story... but I definitely felt positive about the entire thing... Just that now I'm confused about whether to continue going coz firstly I'm already very busy and secondly, I'm afraid that I'll get overly-consumed by God such that I'll feel very brainwashed and confused and I have to keep reminding myself not to dwell too deep into it. Ok. I duno, at least that's what I'm feeling now... Partly coz I'm a person who thinks too much, so I'll end up thinking and thinking and getting confused and being very God-fearing and all. ok. er... I duno. hahah I admit that I was very very confused during the entire service about whether to put my faith in God. I duno...I've attended church for about half my life, which sounds like a pretty long time, but actually since I've been to church for only the first 7-8 years of my life, I'm pretty detached from God already... I still pray once in a while, but it's like only when I need help and I always ask God for guidance. I duno. And on the wall in my room, there's a cross-stitch made by my mum while I was still in her tummy (so sweet right=p) and it says 'Blessed are they who put their trust in God... - Psalm 2:12' I duno... and I didn't notice until recently that for my blog, my sign off name has always been '~.*hUiYiNg*.~ says Amen.' I guess, well, although I don't attend church services anymore, God has always been by my side in some way or another... just that I don't notice, or even realise His presence very much... but yeah...in actual fact, I guess I still kinda put my faith in God somehow or another... sigh.

Hmm... I have no idea why, but during church service today, I kinda felt like crying at many junctures... er u can laugh... But I guess it's coz I felt so overwhelmed by how everyone can just place their faith in ...'nothingness'? something that seems like a mere illusion? ok I think I'm gonna get slapped/shouted at/killed/sent to hell for saying this. How can God be an illusion or even nothing? ok but seriously, for someone who has been a freethinker all his life, I think this will seem blatantly true for him... but then again, that's what FAITH is all about isn't it? - to believe in something that you can't see... Ah well, I guess it's our choice to follow God's path... bleugh... I duno what Qing Yan and Wen Wei feels about this man... but Qing Yan told me she felt very uncomfortable after the entire thing... Wen Wei's like me, he's been to church for the 1st half of his life only... so I guess he's more ready to accept God... I duno. Some of you may think I'm crazy and thinking too much and I should just get on with life man, God or no God, I have to get on with doing more pressing issues like PW, choir stuff, homework and stop giving myself more thinkable things to handle. blah nvm.

Too bad we didn't hear Leon giving his testimony... It would have been even better if Leon had=p haha... I think he's really different when he's in church... haiz I duno. I feel really really really weird. ahha. At one point, while we were singing worship songs, I was looking at everyone raising their hands and praising the Lord and then I was wondering if Leon would ever do that coz I couldn't imagine it... So halfway I turned back to glance at what Leon was doing, totally unsure what to expect coz I knew I'd be really shocked if I see Leon raising his hands to praise the Lord... and yeah I turned back and got a mental snapshot of Leon closing his eyes tight and singing his heart out to the worship songs and omggg I can't get that picture out of my mind. It's just that I really felt like crying. coz. I duno... I really duno. but throughout my grandma's birthday dinner I was just thinking about it. and that mental snapshot kept flashing in my mind... well maybe I'm just taken aback at the THE POWER OF FAITH, at how far FAITH can take us to...

2006-07-20T19:57:00.000+08:00

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a warm hearted and open minded person. It's easy for you to forgive and forget.

You are a very grounded, responsible, and realistic person. People may not want to hear the truth from you, but they're going to get it.

You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you.

Your near future is still unknown, and a little scary. You'll get through wild times - and you'll textually enjoy it.

For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

2006-07-19T02:07:00.000+08:00

YAY~ ok forget that I ever blogged that last post for those who read it. Nothing happened. But thanks for your encouragements anyway... It sounded too horrible to be published. hahah. yeah, must maintain Optimal Optimism =) and yeah, just don't think so much.
School is a place where you experience your happiest moments, and your darkest times as well... oh but can I be bothered anymore? I think it's time to solemnly pray and be grateful for all the people around me.

A perpetual wound shall always be...
Until the day you come to me.

2006-07-09T21:38:00.000+08:00

While cycling at Pasir Ris Park during class chalet: me, Xin Yi, Deanna with the horses =)

2006-07-09T14:04:00.000+08:00

~when they walk together, he walks ahead, she follows~
Can you imagine the scenario of people talking about you behind your back for months (need not be about negative things) and yet you have almost no idea what has been happening at all? and you'll probably never know about it... so cool la. or is that sad... heh. I know of one such person... but that person doesn't know it, I think. haha... Shall be patient and be a good audience and watch how the story unfolds...

Life is the world's greatest show.