~.*Credo in Deum, patrem omnipotentem, creatorem caeli et terra*.~

Thursday, December 11, 2008

*[[ ]]*

Dear Lord,

I thank You for taking me through this exam period - the first in my university life. You know what was special about this time? Unlike in JC and unlike all the exam periods before I came to know You, this time I can really say that I tried my best. I really felt joy during this exam period. It's so different from the previous times when I'm just torn down by my own emotions and negative thoughts that bombard my mind. Actually I still do feel stressed, definitely more stressed compared to other people... but I guess that's a weakness of mine... I'm really quite easily stressed up and anxious especially when it comes to times of testing like this because I always feel like I cannot do it well. Even though I may have faith in other areas of my life, somehow in the area of grades and results, I feel like giving up many more times in the process. But God You never fail to carry me through and You strengthen my faith and You give me courage to move on.

This reminds me of this verse in [Exodus 14:13-15] which encourages me a lot: '13 Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. 14 The Lord will fight for you;you only need to be still." 15 Then the Lord said to Moses, "Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on." '

I have received some of my results already. To tell You the truth, I was rather disappointed when I received the results. To make things worse, a few friends who asked me about my results achieved really good grades. Not that I am trying to compete with them, because I really don't want to run the same race as everyone else - that is of chasing after GPAs. But somehow this made me question why You don't bless me with better results. I start to think: Why can't I just be one of those who achieves? And then my mind starts to fill with doubts and I begin to think why You have to put me through a whole round of doing badly again throughout my school life like in JC. It only gets worse and I lose hope in You. Yet....... I know that there is no point in this. I only know that I'm not being thankful enough and I'm definitely not seeing the big picture. And so I often find myself caught between choosing to think that "grades do matter" and "grades do not matter".

But in the end, I guess it's really not about choosing to think whether grades do matter or not, because that is a judgment by the world, yet who are we to judge such things? Even if we judge, what does that really amount to? working our heads off for what? for grades that do matter? and grades that matter to what? I think it's really tough when we're fighting against being disillusioned by this world that offers so many goodie bags full of seemingly attractive stuff... it's tough to stand firm in your beliefs (and I don't just refer to the Christian faith, but just in general your personal beliefs) in this world which has become so skeptical...

But God says in [Galatians 6:4-5] "4 Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to someone else, 5 for each one should carry his own load."

I am glad that I no longer have to keep comparing with the world, for I am not living by the world's standards anymore, but by God's standards.

God I pray that You may grow me in this area of really living life for You and knowing that You are more than sufficient for me, especially when it comes to the area of achievements where I tend to compare with others around me and focus on doubting own abilities rather than believing in what Your power and Your mighty grace. I really pray for a breakthrough in this area which You have already grown me a lot in, because I really want to pass this test and to be secure in You and my faith shall no longer waver in this area. Thank You Lord. Please help me to remember the reasons that this is a school and a course that I had chosen after much consideration and I seek to do my best for You. I give my all to You Lord.

Dear Lord, I also want to pray for my sheep who is having her medicine paper in 4 days. May You bless her with an abundance of joyfulness and peace in You as she studies and know that You will bring her through this as she perseveres on to do her best for You. I pray that You may use her to be salt and light for You during this exam period as a loving daughter and also a caring friend who reaches out to others around her. I pray that she will look beyond just getting good grades also, but rather to always remember that this is a course that You have given her and she has chosen to go forth in it despite it being tough. I thank You for the very work You are doing in her today and I believe in even greater miracles and breakthroughs as Your mighty Hand moves in her life.

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen. :) God You're good in the good and the bad times. You are the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

~.*hUiYiNg*.~ says Amen. @ | Thursday, December 11, 2008

~.* Jesus is LOVE *.~