~.*Credo in Deum, patrem omnipotentem, creatorem caeli et terra*.~

Friday, November 03, 2006

*[[ random ]]*

hehe I'm listening to 'Only Time' by enya now... very soothing... haha... and it's been on repeat mode for the past 3 hours lol! For those who can identify with me, then that's great =p I usually listen to songs on repeat mode, especially if I'm multi-tasking, since I tend to get too hooked onto the music that I'm listening to and would neglect everything esle that I'm doing... haha... but if the piece of music is on repeat mode, it would gradually dissolve to become part of my surrounding atmosphere... such that I no longer focus on it... =p Think doing this is very therapeutic, especially if I'm doing deep thinking coz it helps in increasing my concentration level somehow... lol...

Hmm anyway the latest choir practice on Wednesday was a really refreshing one =) FINALLY our ears were relieved of Ms Lim's scoldings/naggings/harsh advice/whatever you wanna call it... Seriously, I've never felt normal in a long time... Choir practices have left me sorely depressed for a long period of time, such that going to choir became a CHORE. I actually DREADED choir... when what I expected of choir was that it would be the key to help me survive JC life... yes the contrast between my dream and reality is indeed stark... somehow, nobody knew how and nobody knew why... but there was something lacking in the choir... a certain non-verbal connection... called LOVE, as identified by Ms Lim... which is so true... we enjoy each other's superficial company... but we never get past that level - this batch of choristers doesn't seem to be able to clique that well... Hmmm, well, but then again how can this connection be purposely established? It's really tough to find solutions to tackle intangible problems la... So hopefully, by God's will, every one of us would strive to attain a common goal in choir... and just feel for each other... such that we will be able to deeply etch our motto of being 'more than sound, we are music' in our hearts... Yup... Music is a beautiful thing... I think the choir should stop having an inferiority complex everytime Ms Lim tries to conduct us... Instead, we should just give our best because we actually have the potential to do well... We should be proud to be music-makers... Yeah and so we should also stop 'looking pained like we are at a funeral' (quoting Melissa)... and also (quoting Sarah), we should stop having a weary mindset at every practice, coz we are PERFORMERS! And what is the basic etiquette and role of every performer? To be able to act and present ourselves well, no matter what we are feeling at that time... Yeah I really pray for choir to rise to much greater heights... even by the Penang Trip... I pray that it would be a breakthrough for us... as long as we are trying our best and putting in our utmost... I believe God will help us to be victorious and to show others what we were made to be...

Anyway, you know what... During the past few months of choir practices, I realise that I have drawn great parallels between my mum and my choir conductor WHEN THEY SCOLD. lol... seriously... Firstly, it's what they scold us about... In my mum's case, she's the conductor trying to conduct me... telling me to be more disciplined in my studies and just change my way of life to become a more motivated student etc... yet, she isn't able to really help me change in any way... It's really up to me to decide to change and lead a more disciplined life and achieve better results... In my conductor's case, she tells us that we lack love and communication in the choir at a deeper level... yet she is also unable to help us change much, since the situation is dealing with a very intangible issue of getting the choir to achieve a common love... It's really up to everyone in choir to decide and change their mindsets and together, achieve a certain common understanding and hence attain better tangible results like SYF Gold With Honours =) Secondly, it's the way they scold... they always take the situation very, very personally... although the situation impacts them directly, but it doesn't involve their actions directly... In my mum's case, she always talks about how frustrated she feels... and she talks about whether I even care that she's doing all the housework daily while I can sleep up till 12noon sometimes... and why I am so ill-disciplined such that I can't wake up by at least 9am daily... and so she creates frustration for herself even though the situation is really about me being ill-disciplined in my life... In my conductor's case, she also always talks about how frustrated she feels due to our inconsistency... she talks about whether we really care about what she teaches since we make the same mistake even after she had taught us before... even though the situation is about us just lacking that magical connection within us and not her fault... haha... Oh well and so another parallel is that they are both so greatly impacted by their children (students in my conductor's case)...

Hmm anyway I'm really really excited for the Penang Trip! Haha, I have no idea why so don't bother asking me... But it's probably because I think it's time for me to get to interact and know my choirmates much better la... and also perhaps coz I'm finally getting out of this irritating country! OOPS ok just joking... but you know, it's always good to just take a break and get away from our normal lives... and I do mean it very literally... coz otherwise, we'll all just die of being enclosed in and suppresed by our own little minds... it's always good to open up our minds... haha and I think this Penang Trip can help me to do so =)

hehe, if you haven't realised, I didn't talk about shopping at all! Hehe oh well... what to do... I guess most girls are totally excited at the prospect of shopping... but as Leon always says, I'm not a girl... and he calls me gay too... so perhaps that explains it all... hey but seriously I don't understand what so nice about shopping lol! I only like shopping with my sister and mum, somehow... it's not really due to any money-related factor... but more coz they make me feel secure that I am spending my money's worth... Although I go about choosing my own clothes, I will only buy clothes that have gained their approval... hehe... when I go out with my friends, it's really just to watch them buy clothes that are totally not even my type la... lol... ok actually come to think of it I don't even really shop with my friends... yup and window shopping is worse... coz I would feel so unfulfilled at the end of the day! I think it's a waste of time... hahah... well, sometimes la... yeah... I can't shop for too long la... haha... no stamina! =p

Hmmm... anyway, I sorta felt quite frustrated at a friend yesterday... and the worst thing is that I found myself forgiving that friend so easily, making me even more frustrated... and confused... I really can't understand how some people can be so insensitive sometimes... When people have put so much hope into them, they are still unable to feel it and are just indifferent and carry on their lives the same, leading to much disappointment as a result. And sometimes, even when that person can be so caring sometimes, I dun understand why that person can just let all responsibility vanish in one go just because he doesn't like to deal with the situation... and what about respect... haha oh well, ATTITUDE is really a small thing that makes a BIG difference... heh. Wish you were more responsible =)

~.*hUiYiNg*.~ says Amen. @ | Friday, November 03, 2006

~.* Jesus is LOVE *.~