okay, I'm really worn out and so I shall blog a much shorter entry than usual... heh. Shall just touch on the 2 main parts of the programme that really impacted me the most - the Holy Spirit Baptism and the concert! =)

The Holy Spirit Baptism!
I actually received the Holy Spirit today! This means that I am able to speak in tongues! haha I haven't really felt the extent of elation that I expected to feel... Actually I just feel very dreamy instead of feeling like I want to scream for joy... haha maybe it was coz I didn't dare to confirm whether I could speak in tongues yet, just in case it was just fake and I would then be disappointed... so it was more like I accepted the fact that I could speak in tongues step by step... and thus I wasn't very overwhelmed with joy when I was sure I could speak in tongues... heh...

Actually, within the past week before Metamorphosis, I had prayed to God to bless me with the gift of tongues... But while I was praying, I was unsure of what to pray for... All I could ask God was to bless me with this gift... After all, I didn't really know the purpose of praying in tongues, so I saw it as a want instead of a need... and I was doubtful of whether God would thus bless this want, since He would only bless me with my needs... Then I also tried to roughly imitate others' tongues based on my memory coz I just felt that I wanted to speak in tongues... Almost everyone around me could speak in tongues anyway, so that made me want this special gift even more... =p

Until now, I'm still not sure whether what ever nonsense I had babbled in the past week was really tongues... sometimes I feel that sense of overwhelming emotions and I feel that I am really speaking in tongues... but sometimes I feel that I'm just forcing myself to speak in a different language... haha. So I really doubted it...

And today, I finally prayed to God for it... I finally understood that what I really wanted was for the Holy Spirit to work in me... to live in me... and whatever overwhelming emotions I feel would be expressed as tongues... so I just had that simple faith in him... and I kept assuring myself out loud that He would give me the faith, assurance, courage, strength, security, etc to just believe in Him and allow Him to fill my soul... then I just waited for myself to be filled with His presence... and to be touched by His presence... and I just spoke out whatever language that I tried in the previous week... not caring whether it was an imitation of others or not... at first I think I was speaking at a volume somewhere in between my real voice and whispering, coz I was afraid that others would hear... haha.

But after Tracy finished praying for me, she told me she that she thought I had it... which gave me the confidence to pray on for reassurance and faith that I actually have received the Holy Spirit... I was praying on my own at this point, coz Tracy went over to pray for Suet... and I duno why, but halfway through, I just started crying... maybe coz I was desperate... I duno... then I just felt some sort of thing in my head, forehead and nose area... like some burning sensation... I duno whether it was coz of the urge to cry... but I never felt that before... it felt nice... like there was some power filling me... then my legs were trembling throughout, but maybe coz Nexus was too cold...haha.

Anyway, Tracy and Raphael seemed pretty sure that Yong Sheng, Jie Xun and I got it... despite myself still being rather doubtful that I did... So I decided to just join in the prayer for Suet, Abigail and Kai Sheng to receive the Holy Spirit... During the prayer, I decided to try praying in tongues... coz I was also skeptical of my ability to speak in it... Then I just did... At times, when I wanted to pray in English, it came out as a different language instead... I didn't express my thoughts in English, but instead it was more like expressing a gush of feelings...

As Abigail and Kai Sheng are new believers, it was probably much less disappointing for them that they didn't manage to receive the Holy Spirit as compared to Suet, who has been a staunch believer and a child of God for more than 2 years! So we just prayed and prayed really hard for Suet during the concert (when they gave us time to pray for people to receive the Holy Spirit) since she was a woman of God after all... In fact, the whole HC caregroup stayed back after the concert just to pray for her and to give her emotional support... Love our caregroup! We really care for one another... =)