~.*Credo in Deum, patrem omnipotentem, creatorem caeli et terra*.~

Saturday, August 05, 2006

*[[ ]]*

Hey! Check out the latest song that I added to my blog radio... 'I Simply Live'. hehez. It's really uplifting! =) This is one of the 2 songs that we sang during the CareGroup (CG) meeting on Thursday (3rd Aug)... The other one's called 'Deeply In Love'... Both are really great songs! We had the very talented Samuel playing the guitar for us while we sang these worship songs and I believe that everyone felt really warmed by each of our own voices as we gather together to praise and worship God. hmm... I'm really glad and thankful that God was persistent in being the whisper in my heart, urging me to go for the CG meeting... coz I didn't want to go at first. Or rather, I was really extremely hesitant to go as I was afraid that my faith in God will slacken and I won't go back and I'll feel really guilty... I know that once I take the first step to do something, I just don't like to give up on it so easily... So this time I know that I'll be taking a giant step if I start attending CG meetings. There'll be something in me that'll tell me I shouldn't stop and I should just keep giving it a try. Then again, I must thank Leon for being so ever-patient with someone who is soooo indecisive. coz I really enjoyed my first CG session. I might have gone late and missed the games, but I really don't mind... coz what I really wanted was to just sing my heart out and feel soothed as I free my mind of all thoughts and just focus on praying to God. It's really relaxing coz at the end of such a hectic day, this CG session undoubtedly serves as a very effective time for me to let go. just let go...and be lavished with God's love, knowing that there'll always be someone that you can trust in and rely on.

Actually, I have kinda accepted God my whole life but my faith in God is still very weak... Frankly, I must say that I don't really so passionate for God such that I will want to jump and down when I pray for Him... or that I want to raise my hands or anything. The only thing I know is that I'm always touched by His presence. I definitely can't relate everything that is happening in my life to God yet... I just think that this is the way things are in life and I accept them as they come without realising that it is God who puts things that way for each of us. During the sermon at Festival of Praise yesterday, the pastor said something that went: "God has a plan for each of us." So I guess everything that is happening around us is because God has specially arranged for it to be that way. hmm. It takes time la.

Hmm since I mentioned the Festival of Praise (FOP), I might as well talk about it... It was really heartening to see SO many people coming from all corners of Singapore for this festival... Can you imagine? Even the seats behind the stage had to be open to allow more people to sit... Shows how much people FEEL for God. I duno when I'll ever reach that level of understanding and passion for God? Hmm. But it was really nice singing worship songs. haha, I guess my favourite part of every church service etc is to sing worship songs... coz that's precisely when I feel the most for God... WOAH but you should really have been at FOP coz during the singing of worship songs, EVERYONE was up on their feet and clapping to the rhythm of the song and raising their arms up to God... I just clapped la.. er.. I think I feel funny raising my arms up haha... I guess I still don't dare to worship God so openly yet? hmm. Again, it takes time I guess. hmm oh yeah thanks Xiang Yu, Leon, Jonathan and all those who went really early to queue for us to get us good seats... really glad that you all sacrificed so much of your time to get us seats heeez. Oh yeah, and thank God all of us managed to get their in time and weren't locked out like what happened last year (I heard). hmm.

Hmmm I think many of you (my non-Christian friends) will think I'm weird when you read this entry... You'll probably think that I'm really easily influenced by my friends and just follow my friends who are so passionate about God... or you'll possibly think that I'm being too rash and shouldn't be involved in religion so quickly... and it's funny to hear me thanking God or talking about God and all. But nahhh, don't think that way. As in... I feel that God has been there all my life, but I just can't understand the COMPLETE relevance of Him to my life... and maybe now I'm just trying to learn about how he affects my life...Usually I will accept all the things that are happening in my life, whether good or bad, as part and parcel of life. Yeah. It's like how people believe in fate. One can say: It is fate that brought us together. A christian will say: It is God that brought us together. I duno, I'm taking a very open-minded point of view. I think that each of us has some sort of FAITH within us. I mean, there are so so so so so many thousands and millions of things happening in our life that is impossible to explain 95% of what has occurred... so in order to just trust that everything will turn out okay in our lives, we have to place our trust and hope in the forces that are controlling our lives... something that we can't see... and this is called FAITH! whether it's fate, God or coincidence or whatever that we want to believe in... all these are reasons that we are creating for ourselves to assure ourselves. and yeah so I can understand those who don't want to be Christians or take up other religions. coz each of us has our own set of faith and beliefs after all. but for these people, they should then understand why people need God in their lives... it's the same principle and everyone should just respect an individual's choice. So for me, having grown up in a 'more-towards-Christian' sort of family, I would naturally have felt God's presence and God's touch and God's influence in my life. When my mother was pregnant with my brother (I was K2-Pri 1 then), she made me pray to God almost everyday that I would get a brother... and then I really had a brother many months later... and so now I see my brother as someone God blessed me with... and yeah I shall just repeat what I wrote in my previous blog entry about my mum doing a cross-stitch for me while she was pregnant with me... and that cross-stitch still hangs on my wall today... and it says "Blessed are they who put their trust in God" [Psalm 2:12] hmm yupyup.

ok... but now there's another problem... my results... MY WHOLE FAMILY SAW MY RESULTS WHILE I WAS AT FOP!!! =( sigh... I really feel very sad that I upset my parents and I'm always embarrassed now in front of my sister whenever my mother brings up the subject of my results. My sis was asking "You got U for Maths... Means what?" and I duno what to say... I get very irritated coz I have to face reality and say "Ya I failed." I FAILED. ok. =( and now what, my mum wants me to stop going to church and doing church-related stuff and quit Interact as well... and just focus on studies (coz it should be my priority) and choir (only coz choir is so strict that there's no way to get me to go for fewer practices)... so... I DUNO I DUNO I DUNO. I know that my mum is right... but I guess I myself cannot accept and recognise my own capabilities such that I am not utilising my time very wisely. but haiz. Oh well I'm still very confused about my time management and how I am handling my commitments. =(

Oh well. Everything is okay at the end. and so since everything is not okay, THIS IS NOT THE END.

yay. I've been talking to myself for the past 1.5hrs... wOw. Now I must let go and stop thinking so much and step into the realm of reality again. =)

Any instant can be a new beginning for you. You don't have to wait for the next day or next year to start afresh. =) Yeah this very moment IS a new beginning for me! 3...2...1... YAY it's a new beginning again! 3...2...1... YAY! ok haha nvm. Just repeating what the pastor said during the 2nd church service I attended. ahha. He's really amusing. ><

Hmm... I hope that church services will help me to improve my confidence level as I place more and more of my trust in God... coz I know that God is always by my side... =p

haha... yay it's fun quoting whatever I've learnt during the past church services. =) makes me feel good coz I value everything that I take away from church... I have definitely learnt much more about life... and I'm learning more and more about life...

Hmm kk I shouldn't think so much la, I don't want to feel pressurised by something that deals so intrinsically with faith and emotions coz it'll get me all worked up. haha. yeah ok... shall join in Friday morning's prayers... but for CG sessions and church services... I think I'll have to go rather infrequently... oh well. hopefully my mum is ok...I better study harder for promos. Dear God please help me...Give me STRENGTH!!!

~.*hUiYiNg*.~ says Amen. @ | Saturday, August 05, 2006

~.* Jesus is LOVE *.~