~.*Credo in Deum, patrem omnipotentem, creatorem caeli et terra*.~

Saturday, July 22, 2006

*[[ Y-Hope Church ]]*

Hmm I duno how to start... but I must first say that this must have been one of the most unique experiences I have ever had in a long long time. And I'm glad I went today, because I think the 2 hours at Y-Hope Church made quite a big impact on me... Whether I'm going back to Y-Hope Church next week is another story... but I definitely felt positive about the entire thing... Just that now I'm confused about whether to continue going coz firstly I'm already very busy and secondly, I'm afraid that I'll get overly-consumed by God such that I'll feel very brainwashed and confused and I have to keep reminding myself not to dwell too deep into it. Ok. I duno, at least that's what I'm feeling now... Partly coz I'm a person who thinks too much, so I'll end up thinking and thinking and getting confused and being very God-fearing and all. ok. er... I duno. hahah I admit that I was very very confused during the entire service about whether to put my faith in God. I duno...I've attended church for about half my life, which sounds like a pretty long time, but actually since I've been to church for only the first 7-8 years of my life, I'm pretty detached from God already... I still pray once in a while, but it's like only when I need help and I always ask God for guidance. I duno. And on the wall in my room, there's a cross-stitch made by my mum while I was still in her tummy (so sweet right=p) and it says 'Blessed are they who put their trust in God... - Psalm 2:12' I duno... and I didn't notice until recently that for my blog, my sign off name has always been '~.*hUiYiNg*.~ says Amen.' I guess, well, although I don't attend church services anymore, God has always been by my side in some way or another... just that I don't notice, or even realise His presence very much... but yeah...in actual fact, I guess I still kinda put my faith in God somehow or another... sigh.

Hmm... I have no idea why, but during church service today, I kinda felt like crying at many junctures... er u can laugh... But I guess it's coz I felt so overwhelmed by how everyone can just place their faith in ...'nothingness'? something that seems like a mere illusion? ok I think I'm gonna get slapped/shouted at/killed/sent to hell for saying this. How can God be an illusion or even nothing? ok but seriously, for someone who has been a freethinker all his life, I think this will seem blatantly true for him... but then again, that's what FAITH is all about isn't it? - to believe in something that you can't see... Ah well, I guess it's our choice to follow God's path... bleugh... I duno what Qing Yan and Wen Wei feels about this man... but Qing Yan told me she felt very uncomfortable after the entire thing... Wen Wei's like me, he's been to church for the 1st half of his life only... so I guess he's more ready to accept God... I duno. Some of you may think I'm crazy and thinking too much and I should just get on with life man, God or no God, I have to get on with doing more pressing issues like PW, choir stuff, homework and stop giving myself more thinkable things to handle. blah nvm.

Too bad we didn't hear Leon giving his testimony... It would have been even better if Leon had=p haha... I think he's really different when he's in church... haiz I duno. I feel really really really weird. ahha. At one point, while we were singing worship songs, I was looking at everyone raising their hands and praising the Lord and then I was wondering if Leon would ever do that coz I couldn't imagine it... So halfway I turned back to glance at what Leon was doing, totally unsure what to expect coz I knew I'd be really shocked if I see Leon raising his hands to praise the Lord... and yeah I turned back and got a mental snapshot of Leon closing his eyes tight and singing his heart out to the worship songs and omggg I can't get that picture out of my mind. It's just that I really felt like crying. coz. I duno... I really duno. but throughout my grandma's birthday dinner I was just thinking about it. and that mental snapshot kept flashing in my mind... well maybe I'm just taken aback at the THE POWER OF FAITH, at how far FAITH can take us to...

~.*hUiYiNg*.~ says Amen. @ | Saturday, July 22, 2006

~.* Jesus is LOVE *.~