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Saturday, May 27, 2006

*[[ :) ]]*

Hm, I haven't blogged in years... not because I didn't have the time, nor because I had nothing to blog about... but coz I've had too many thoughts to put down that I have been too lazy to spill them all out nicely in words. so basically I've been chucking my thoughts and feelings aside. Not too gd in the long term, haha. feel like exploding liao. =(

sigh... let's see what major events have happened... first and foremost of course our wonderful choir concert - ASPIRATIONS - VOICES IN FLIGHT! Frankly, it wasn't all that wonderful. To tell you that I enjoyed it would be a lie... coz... although I may have appeared all "high" and excited on the night of 21st May 2006, it was quite a facade... urps. Seriously, it didn't feel like a concert at all... The only reason why I was happy was that we finally accomplished something together as a batch. =) but...deep inside, I didn't feel much... While I tried to sing with emotions, I don't think they can be called emotions...coz somehow I couldn't feel the emotions of my other choirmates complementing mine. and so what if I can "feel" alone? If I ever feel something that can be labelled as an "emotion" it would be just emptiness. I duno... I duno what the others were thinking and I don't think we knew what each other was thinking and all we cared about was to follow ms lim, pray that some miracle would happen and hope that the concert would not be criticized. bah. just feels weird. did we really have a concert?

I duno, but I'm very glad that through preparations for this concert, I got to know my seniors better... like Shawna and Nicholas whom I stood in between for concert position. I had loads of fun laughing with them about things like the coconut song and arrangements of our positions at the end of the song...hehe... both of them are such loving seniors. hehe like Zoe feels, the J2 batch may not be outstanding, but somehow they exuberate some kinda warmth individually and as a batch... each one of them has a very loving personality. I mean look at Lin Xin...Emmett...Shawna... they're such soft-hearted people. and they use the soft approach to lead. haha. duno how to say, but they've all got very endearing looks i think. I guess it's not just Edmund who gets to fight for the "wen rou" title. hahax.

oh no. I'm digressing. nvm but I have to say this... today during the walks to Coronation Plaza to photocopy new scores for SYF recording (ah! =( why they add in new songs!? haha), Zoe and I were talking about how we miss NY choir. Although not everyone was involved (well there's bound to be some lost sheep), our batch was really bonded... just look at our trips down to the Esplanade and Kallang River where we sat together just talking about choir (and a lot about HC choir mind you HAHA =p) and singing together like nobody's business. Even the person in charge of the boats at the kallang river came to listen. or is it the man at the drinks stall. doesnt matter. then we sang at the esplanade lobby leading to the carpark area... and visitors came to listen and took photos of us! can you imagine! ahah...and I bet even the guard who finally came to chase us away coz we were too loud HAD to feel a sense of guilt for interrupting our music. HEHE. ok so ego. =p ok the point is...our batch was so bonded such that everytime we broke into a song... especially sentimental songs such as "dahil sayo" and "reason", the music just flowed and touched our hearts... it didn't matter that the music was imperfect - what we desired for most is for our music to touch our hearts... and that's what kept us going in NY anyway, didn't it? =p

Duno la, no one knows what can make a batch bond and no single person can make a batch bond either. but our J1 choir batch is certainly bonding in a most perculiar way. haha, ok la... but at least I know that people from NYchoir will feel this way. Perhaps we have high expectations for this current batch coz we had managed so much more in sec sch... taking that this is a batch filled with supposedly more mature people, we would be able to bond a little faster? ahha. ok I guess not necessarily but we HAVE to find a way to bond. Are we not interacting enough? Maybe we talk too much crap at our little J1 meetings... (e.g. about scandals -_-") when we could have spent that precious time talking about things like how we feel about our batch... might be a little awkward at first but I guess the first step is always difficult? heh...maybe last time in NY, our batch received much praises from Ms Lim right from the start. Our standard was better than the Sec 2s already and we were much more bonded than they were. Also, we organised practices on our own. And well, I guess everything was pretty much perfect! heh. Maybe being impressed with our batch, we were motivated, and during our outings we would spontaneously say things like "ahhh I love our batch haha... let's do more of this together" blah blah. sigh. what am I thinking... thinking of ideal situations? hm. actually i'm merely recounting what happened in NY. so this proves it isn't possible. =D maybe another factor that made things easier was that we were all girls then... heez. (er, guys no offence =D)

sighsigh. I keep comparing my class to choir. The difference between what I feel towards a class and a choir is that I WANT to feel bonded to choir, whereas being bonded to the class is kinda like a bonus? hmmm, k la, this is such a foolish statement. of course I want to be bonded to both as much as I can. but then I wanna be bonded to choir MORE. or that is what I expect. from my experiences in NY I guess. I mean, in NY choir, we talk about HC choir like they are HEAVEN. and now that we are in HEAVEN, we feel like we are...er...well... so not in heaven at all. Our "HC choir" was a dream. and it is STILL a dream. we haven't been able to turn it into reality at all. Right now, I feel more bonded to my class than to choir, not that I can help it...and everytime I feel disappointed with choir, I turn to my class for comfort, always glad that they are around... maybe I'm just glad to know that at least I belong to and can rely on this bonded group of people. that's why I call my class my "home"... coz my class gives me an immense sense of security. I know that my class will never fall apart any random moment, just like my family won't. yeah, that kind of reassurance is so......well...reassuring. and I can only wish that for choir man. Hope that we can reach this kinda level such that when we are stressed out by our studies, we are able to turn to choir for comfort and know that even if your studies fail, you still have choir to rely on...you know that all your batchmates are behind you... and it becomes a great source of motivation and inspiration throughout your JC life. bah.

you know after choir concert, I expected to go out with my choir batchmates to Esplanade. ok, maybe no need to be Esplanade, but at least just go out with them to talk for a while and just be around each other... and instead, all the J1s went home... Even while deciding whether to go out, there were only about, say, about 10 J1s left discussing?! Where were the rest?? Just go home right away??? sighhhhhhhhh. I duno lahz. never mind... now I duno whether we are expecting too much from choir or what. Anyway, where were Xin Yi and I? We went out with our class. to ESPLANADE! gosh. can you believe it. I was so shocked when Wayne asked me whether we wanted to go to Esplanade with the class. It's so weird! To think that 10 non-choristers came to watch a choir concert and are interested in going to a place where tons of choir memories reside (for me la)... and for our own J1 batch who performed, we weren't even that keen on going anywhere at all... just felt very ironic that night...hmm.

lala. Anyway, sooo I was saying that first and foremost, we had our choir concert =D yeahh many people said that our standard had dropped...and alumni also not very prepared although sound was good... ah well, kinda expected right? but at least we did so much better than what we showed Ms Lim about just 1.5 to 2 weeks before the concert? AHEM. yeah I dun understand why this choir the same as NY choir... do well in the last minute one arhz. haii not nice. nvmm.

Thanks to all who came to watch the concert anyway! really appreciate it... Hope you all appreciate it...especially the coconut song =p hehe so happy coz I received so many flowers and chocs and sweets and letters/notes... so happy. haha... think never had so many people who came to watch a concert that I'm performing in... haha, then Terri, Tiffany and Lee Qi so cute! They were shouting my name... then when I went to them they said "we are all your fans!" HAHA! Such adorable juniors! =p (kkk I promise that I'll go back to visit!! haha) Anyway, Jason and Wayne arhz, you finally get to hear the songs you "analysed" ahahha. so cute la. They found David's choir file, then they were looking through the scores and analysing them. LOL. then after that come and tell me the "coconut song damn funny lar! what nut that makes you fat haha" and keep saying "alleluia" ahaha. like two little innocent kids. lolll.

hmmm. What esle I wanna say. oh yeah, SABBATICALS AT CHINESE HIGH. DAMN FUN!!! haha. such joy teaching boys who are shorter than you are. =D HAHA. so bad. =p ok la, but they were all quite receptive... woah, on the last day was the best man... when we performed "The Coconut Nut" for them, we actually had people standing up to clap and cheer for us... I mean, WOAH! so so so touched lah! I think I was even happier then compared to at the concert... It was so unexpected... and to know that people appreciate your music is just exhilarating...=D

hmm HC SABBATICALS was alright lah... I went for Ice Skating (Run 1) and Aromatherapy (Run 2)... Ice Skating ROCKS! haha... Felt so good sliding over the ice with soothing music being played in the background (er but after a while got boring coz it kept repeating...lol). I didn't expect to learn how to ice skate so quickly I guess... but I think some basic knowledge and prior experience of rollerblading did help me quite a bit. At least I think I fell a total of about 5 times over the span of 2 days. hehez.
Hmm for aroma, I didn't really get to attend much of the course coz I was ill on the first day, and for the second day, I only went until 2pm... not bad lah, that's 2/3 of the day. =D hehe... the room reeked of quite overpowering smells of essential oils... lol. I think what was most fun was the experience of smelling oils like our favourite "BASIL" which would make you faint in a whiff. HAHA... "lemon" and "peppermint" were really stimulating though =D should try...!! =) Anyway...despite the enriching sessions of smelling essential oils and massage, we finally thought the better of it and planned our "escape"!

And we did it! We went to EAST COAST PARK. omg LOL... 3 people only lah - Jason, Wayne and I... so amusing. After about 5-6 weeks of discussing when to go to ECP, our wish has finally come through...though not in v ideal circumstances... coz everything was very rush (due to Jason's mother=( so sad that she's so strict about him going out). Ah well. We managed to get Jason home in time YAY! =) haha... hmm... We cycled all the way past Bedok Jetty... past Safra Resort... to along the roadside LOL. until the part where we could see the runway the most clearly... then we watched planes landing... =) so nice right! Heez! =) too bad Wayne fell on the way back... (gosh another injury) =( bahh. never seen so much blood in a long time... =( hmm...anyway next time when we go to ECP, must stop at Bedok Jetty to just enjoy the wind, listen to the waters and smell the refreshing air...and of course watch the sunset ;) hehez...

oh yeah, speaking about gg to ECP with jason and wayne... duno lahz. some people may think it's weird that I go out with 2 guys. but I think nvm lah. as in I know that we are purely friends coz I just can feel it and I think it's so nice that we can be such gd friends even though we are of opposite genders. ahha. I told my mother you know. then she started talking about what you must look out for in a guy and all that LOL. gosh. I know I'm v rude lah but I interrupted her when she started her first sentence on that topic lar... I kept saying "no lar we are just friends" lol. then after the whole talk I asked her if she thought it was weird for me to go out with 2 guys, she said "no wad, it's ok... don't need to care about what others say... as long as you know what you are doing is right, then it's ok la =)" so nice. haha, I thought she'll ask me to stay away from them or something la...... hmmm.
I think the line between being very gd friends and having a BGR with a guy is very fine... sometimes you feel yourself drifting off into the "danger" side... but sometimes with certain guys, you know that there's just that boundary that you are able to maintain, which I'm quite sure I can maintain with jason and wayne lar... yar... so... I'm just grateful that we are good friends. The first time that I went out to Estovia icecream shop with only the 2 of them, I felt extremely awkward lah... really weird to be the only girl... then I kept asking myself if this was called "flirting" or something along those lines... but I dun think so la... in that if Jason and Wayne were girls, I'll take the friendship even further la... ya. heh... too bad they are guys lar. so must know where to draw the line...

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mian mian. haha, I won't leave you out in my entry. we must meet up in the holidays yup;) I won't say much. what has to be said can all be felt. missing ya. =p

~.*hUiYiNg*.~ says Amen. @ | Saturday, May 27, 2006

~.* Jesus is LOVE *.~