~.*Credo in Deum, patrem omnipotentem, creatorem caeli et terra*.~

Monday, January 02, 2006

*[[ ]]*

hm. I realise that there are so many things I want to blog about during the past few weeks, but I can never manage to write everything down for a few simple reasons: 1) it's too private, 2) i can't remember what i wanna blog about, 3) i haven't understood what i have been thinking about at all...

Anyway secondary school life ended just a few weeks back. Feels like a long time, but it actually isn't. I have been expecting myself to miss my friends like crazy by now. and yeah, I can't deny that I really do. But I guess I haven't been experiencing this "i-miss-my-friends-so-much-i-want-them-back-right-now" feeling that strongly yet coz I've had the chance to meet up with them a few times during the hols. Wonder how often we'll meet up next year when we go to different streams and classes. Although we keep saying that we'll meet up somehow (e.g. joining the same CCA), I think we all know that it'll be really tough to find time to get together and that it's almost impossible for everyone to join the same CCA since we all have different interests.

Hm. For the past week I've been thinking about how JC life would be like and I realise that all I have against it are the tests and exams. yeah. really. Coz JC life has more to it for sure. Somehow I keep thinking that I'll get over the tests and exams somehow and I know I WILL study for them (to the best of my ability), so I should start treasuring other aspects of school life more. Actually the more I ponder over my JC life, I keep feeling that academics shall not be such a great priority as I had thought in pri sch all the way till sec 2. This is undoubtedly contradictory to what my mum has been telling me all day to study hard and not take up a 2nd CCA and so on...but I just feel that I don't wanna emphasise on academics so much anymore. When I think of my PSLE years and how I studied, I kinda feel embarassed coz all I did was study and study and study. (ok I had piano lessons but that doesn't really count coz the rest of the time was really study!) It was CRAZY. I stopped going out with my family on Saturday evenings coz I stayed home to study..... ok I think u get the idea? yah. and what did I get? 264. Probably a simple feat for someone esle who studied half as much. But I didn't see it that way in lower sec. I thought that the more u study, the better your results will be. So I studied harder and mugged things like the stupid shou ce (which I'm glad I have abandoned) till the book was so tattered and torn, and memorised the history textbook like it was the holy bible. Turned out that I got an overall score of low A2...If I'm embarassed, it's not because I thought my score was below expectations, but because of how I studied...

Well, I'm really proud to say that my mentality changed quite a lot, particularly the period of time from sec3 mid year to sec4. I finally decided that after years of agony trying to memorise information and passing on the agony to my mum by complaining to her or showing her my moody face (GOSH), I'd better do something about it. I guess my increasing passion for choir helped me very much in this aspect. The more enthusiastic I was about choir, the less time I invested in studying. I guess you could say I've found a perfect outlet for stress. Choir was what I looked forward to most (together with my batchmates) every beginning of the week (coz we only have choir on thurs/fri/sat)... Then in sec 4, we had lots of recess practices for SYF, so we often met up to sing our hearts out. Sigh. I can't tell you how grateful I am for those practices. =) Hm I thought that my studies would be affected by choir coz I spent so much time on it, but surprisingly, my results got better! So I kinda had the mindset that it doesn't matter if you don't study extra hard coz ultimately you'll get around the same results... yeah and I definitely had a more meaningful and fulfilling and happy and crazy 2005 =D

Well...anyway, after the past few days of thinking and preparing myself mentally for JC life, I think I am ready to move on...to make more friends, widen my scope of knowledge, learn more life skills, etc... no point worrying and getting scared anymore. Might as well welcome the future right?=)

Hmm. I was also thinking of what career I wanna take up in the future... so many people have said that they wanna become a doctor or engineer or journalist or news caster or researcher, I just can't help but feel that I wanna do something different... Whenever I'm asked the million-dollar question, "What do you wanna be when you grow up?", I'll say that I wanna be a doctor. Yet somehow, deep down, I know that being a doctor isn't my true ambition... I keep thinking that I wanna do something different from others. Sigh. Haven't thought of a concrete idea yet..everything in my mind are just vague thoughts. Thought of doing sth with research...then thought of doing volunteer work at the same time...

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To Gene and Tamm and all jiggery-pokery giggling girlies:
I have to admit that I'm quite nervous at the aspect of meeting guys. If you think that I'm quite comfortable talking to guys already, I must tell you that it's quite a different situation talking to them on MSN and face-to-face. oh man. Your legs'll probably go all jiggly and your mouth with wobble with nervousness and you'll go red in the face. HAHA! crazy. just joking! It's not THAT BAD la. You'll prob just be momentarily stunned and drool at the fact that you ARE actually facing a GUY. Goooot luck! =D

OH MAN! I just can't wait to start school! =P

Sometimes I wonder whether guys are ever nervous about meeting girls. A few NY teachers have told me before that we don't have to worry, coz the guys are probably more nervous than we are. haha... Don't know how true that is. But we shall see, won't we? ;)

~.*hUiYiNg*.~ says Amen. @ | Monday, January 02, 2006

~.* Jesus is LOVE *.~