~.*Credo in Deum, patrem omnipotentem, creatorem caeli et terra*.~

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

*[[ randoms ]]*

Last night, I dreamt about taking the HCL 'O's again. What a weird topic. I thought that this had been a long forgotten exam already...yet it has surfaced in my dreams thrice since the time I took it. Gosh. I hope there'll never be a fourth time where I'll be struggling to memorise those irritating shou3 ce4s while knowing that I'll never be able to finish revising them on time. It's just horrible. The first time I dreamt about it I think I was late for the HCL 'O's, so there I was running into the hall to take my paper 1 between Lim Mian and Zuo Jin from 4/4 in the first row. How weird. Our tables were all joined together! And when I was about to start writing the yingyongwen, I realised that I had totally forgotten the format and so resorted to copying from zuojin. wOw. ok nvm...dreams are weird...I barely know zuo jin... The second one I can't remember. But the most recent one was the day before I took paper 2. I think I was travelling to Jiang Tuition Centre for some last minute lesson the night before with the prospect that I had so much left to revise for my shou ces and I knew I was going to do badly. ah well. just the usual panicky dreams.

Anyway, I've been wanting to blog for such a long time, but haven't had the energy to write everything down. These few days, I seem to find myself drowning in my own thoughts, trying to figure out what I'm thinking about and why I think like that and other complexed, confusing emotions that leaves me very much irritated, happy and exasperated all at the same time. Ok, in short: I'm confused. But never mind about all that. I shall just post some random feelings about certain issues now. Maybe everything will flow later.

For the frequent readers of my blog, you'd know that at least half of my blog entries are about CHOIR. As much as you may think that I'm a very passionate chorister, which I can't deny, I think it's more than just the passion for choral singing that keeps me staying in choir... I duno... ok just look at the choirs that I am in - NY choir and HC choir. Both got Gold in SYF 2003, GWH in SYF 2005. We put up many splendid performances, no matter how much crap rehearsals we had gone through just hours before the actual performance. We somehow always do well at the end. What happens in the middle - never mind about that, and well, it doesn't seem to matter. Sigh you know how I always go on and on about how much choir means to me? How much I look forward to it at the start of every week coz choir's always on Thurs/Fri/Sat? Sometimes I think that it's coz choir seems to be the only thing that doesn't fail me. We don't seem to ever ever fail at the end, no matter how much I complain to you about the lousy singing and all. I guess that's why I start to see it as something heavenly, something more than just special that ensures 'guaranteed success' no matter what. Maybe that's why I have so much faith in it. Maybe this is why I find choir such a source of comfort whenever I'm depressed and feeling that my world has been turned upside down. Maybe that's why I say I know I can't survive without choir. On top of enjoying myself to the utmost by singing with the choir/my batchmates, I'm always greatly assured whenever I think of choir coz I know we WILL make it. In a way, it's my greatest source of hope. Perhaps that's why I'm so affected whenever choir seems to be failing. coz I know I can't let it happen. ok I'm just an ordinary choir member who doesn't sing that brilliantly... I can't do much. The most I can is to try to help and encourage my choirmates around me to try improve the overall situation. But still, I am filled with that very same undying faith for the choir. Do I make sense? ok it's just that I feel guilty at times for being greedy for success. Yet, I know that I definitely enjoy choral singing very very much. well. I guess I don't have to choose. I guess it's natural to want to excel in my greatest passion in which I have placed my greatest faith upon.

The RV concert last Saturday (3rd Dec) was relatively successful. yeah, as I mentioned earlier, HC choir did it again - in the end. What happened in the process? Lots of disappointing and pressurising periods. Are we going to make it without the J2s? hurhur. Surely each of us knows the truth. We NEVER put in our utmost effort during choir PRACTICES. And why should that be? Is it because we all take for granted the fact that HC choir will SHINE IN THE END? yeah. admit it. Same goes to NY choir. Ms Lim says that we look down on ourselves. We don't have the pride and "SAE-ness" that the J2s have.

Hmm. HC choir chalet was quite fun. Kai Xuan, Kim, Suet, Zoe, LLL and I felt quite out of the way though. There were quite a few awkward moments...so we busied ourselves by helping out with the food at the barbeque pit and the kitchen... heh. coz we were having a farewell party for the J2s - a time for the J1s and J2s to interact and have as much fun as they can together for the last time... Though we knew many of the J2s (er never mind how we got to know them LOL), it would've been very inappropriate to join in...from our perspective, at least. hmm but it got better when Ms Lim came...we had games and mini performances.. ahah. my gosh. the J2s are really gorgeous.. you seriously can't tell whether they had been practising their singing voices or not coz they sound as if they are already ready for a competition. I mean they manage to complete any song they sing with emotions and all...a feat that so few choirs can achieve. heh...Ms Lim and a few others actually cried upon hearing the J2s sing! sigh. ok. PRESSURE. really don't know if the next batch can even REACH the standards of the J2 batch.

haha. Zoe and I didn't sleep throughout the entire night. Instead, we started talking from 2+ till around 3.30am... and teasing Lilin about some J1 guy HAHA. Then got out of bed and sat by the sea talking like we've never done before... so sweet.. heh. I shan't ever forget that. That's the second time we did that.. the first time was after our own Sec 4 farewell party (after visiting Tricia in hosp)... hai~we're not really that close as I am to Lim Mian, but I can see our friendship starting to blossom =p

hahahaha. ok I just had a sudden image of Siew Woon eating her 8 pieces of bread in the morning with sausages and eggs. LOLX. She's such a gorgeous senior! Wonderful voice. Great body. Straightest back in the world. Big eyes. Nice features. Sociable. etc. When Lilin offered her biscuits, she said "Why are u so nice?" with that guilty look, and yet she still took the biscuits! HAHA. ok such an adorable personality. lol.

Nicholas also v cute! Looks very much like Bosty but thinner. can't believe they're cousins. And he plays the guitar well enough. haha. The image of him cupping his hands on his cheeks and looking embarrassed n shy just makes me wanna burst out laughing too. ahhaa. but he's very nice... Apologises at the slightest thing. Like when someone asked him to move a chair coz it was blocking the way, he said 'sorry' as if he committed something v wrong.. hm. So sensitive! nice personality. =p

Nicole is the hot bod. Really hot bod.
Lin Xin is as soft-hearted as ever. Shao Ning v caring~ ahh. hope to know her better. These 2 seniors v emotional and so sweet... =)
Wen Qiang's the hardworking one who helps out at the BBQ pit non-stop.
Shawna pretends to help. hahahaha. oops. ok shant be so bad.. she's the easiest to interact with la.our wonderful senior!~ ^^
Qi Qian looks fierce. But I like it. v ZAI. like v wei1 feng1. hehheh.
Melissa (yay take same bus as moi~) and Jocelyn! The 2 sisters! so nice! I like standing in between them. ahhaa.
Adora's v nice.. haha I think she looks sweet.. yeah as her name implies: adorable!
Valerie - my angel forever. muacks.
Sua Ning the funniest Alibaba. best of luck with my crazy cousin aka your 'sister-in-law'.
Kenneth. nice standing beside u for 15 mins of combined prac. great voice! ahah.
GuoWei the smiley happy-go-lucky kid. Always say the wrong thing. bish.
Emmett too nice. keep smiling.
Jun Kai. So demure. Quiet but ZAI.
etc.etcetc.

~.*hUiYiNg*.~ says Amen. @ | Wednesday, December 07, 2005

~.* Jesus is LOVE *.~