~.*Credo in Deum, patrem omnipotentem, creatorem caeli et terra*.~

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

*[[ *friendship* ]]*

lalala.
A whole week of sabbaticals are over. Had loads of fun with my mother and spouse. hahah. I'm glad Mrs Seah made me chooose sports. Got to experience many types of sports which I've nvr attempted before, even though 87 bucks may not be all that worth it. For example, during archery, there were only 2 pathetic lanes where each person was only allowed 5 shots of the arrow. That probably took up only 2 mins while the other 1 hour 58 mins was spent watching the other 35 Robin-Hood-wannabes shooting arrows over the archery board. >< okok just jk, it went much better than that! heh. I really envy those who could participate in water activities on the first day though. I couldnt go coz of u-know-what. So gene, tammy, xinying, renyi and I ended up wading in the 0.5m baby pool, trying to have as much fun as the rest were. hahah. hmmm last day was great coz it was bowling!!~ they allowed us to play 2 games each during the session..then gene, lilin and I stayed back to play another 2 games lor. my god. 4 games in a day. hahaha. highest score 107. 2 strikes! hahah. ok 2 strikes in 4 games is sad. but i think it's quite ok if u haven't played in years. =p (pathetic excuse =x)

hmm. haven't been feeling too gd these days. bit stressed out and confused. actually, everytime I take a step back, I start to kan4 kai1... but after a while, I return to a depressed state. ok surely I should be a lot more optimistic :) coz everything happening around me is happy:) so many exciting things coming up! I don't know why and what I'm feeling unhappy about! or perhaps it's coz I feel overly-bored such that I have to find something to be irritated about. LOL. ok doesn't make sense. hahah. I'd better learn to control my emotions better. Think my mum is rather disturbed by my moods, especially since I sound so unhappy whenever I speak to her these days. hmm. =( *feeling guilty*

I went out with Lim Mian for dinner and supper yesterday. lol. when we planned to meet at 6pm, Mian promised that she wouldn't be late...but she was still 20mins late after we pushed it back to 6.30pm! HAHA... ok I was late by 10mins... well I guess our habit of being late cannot be changed.. sad case =( hahaa. hmm we went to have dinner at the food centre in takashimaya. Guess what mian ordered? her beloved LAKSA~! it looked RED HOT. like volcanic lava. just like in the photo they displayed on the walls. lol. so it isn't surprising tt mian was desperate for tissues and water after just 1/4 through her meal. WITHOUT (the usual) EXTRA CHILI =p ok that led to the topic of ICE-CREAM... and so we decided to pig out at Swensens after that. =p ahhaha. so EX. but we didn't care. so we just walked along orchard, visiting some sports shops to look at shoes, saw some HCI sec 1-2 guys parading in their uniforms speaking in their typical accnts, and ended up at the ICE-CREAM PARADISE :)

However, it wasn't all about smiles and laughter once we sat down. In fact, our conversation came to a point where we had to stop just in case others wondered if we were a pair of tearing psychotics. While we devoured our chocolate malts, we decided to continue where we left off during the telephone conversation the night before... we were talking about friendship, specifically the friendship between other people, which was a topic we frequently spoke about. Somehow, during our conversations, we will end up talking about the same few pet topics, but never get bored of them. haha. I guess that night I decided to venture further and talk about the friendship between us. I realise that we don't talk much about it, perhaps because we are already comfortable with our friendship and would rather let it take its own course. However, I thought that there were actually quite a number of things I had to question.... like whether we were really that close after all, and whether it was a one-sided friendship, etc. coz some of these questions have been bugging me throughout the year. haha... I guess the year's coming to an end and since we cannot ensure that both of us will end up in the same class next year, thoughts about becoming distant and losing this deeply treasured friendship keep looming at the back of our minds. ok I can tell myself this (which I probably already have a thousand times): some things cannot be helped I guess, and I should learn to accept people and events in life as they come and go, and treasure them fully while I have them. But I don't think I can succumb to that notion so easily. I mean, no way am I just going to let the friendship between us just flow away no matter how many chinese sayings there are that sound like 'tian1 xia4 wu2 bu4 san4 zhi1 yan4 xi2'. And so here I am thinking and pondering about how I can possibly keep this piece of friendship, that had kept me surviving throughout my sec 3 and 4 years, as alive as it is now in JC... By joining the same CCA? By studying together? By calling each other once in a while? Yeah, that's being really idealistic. It always seems that everything can work out, but that's only because we are desperately hoping for it to happen. Once the school term starts, ACADEMICS is the priority. Everyone will be too busy trying to cope with their own lives, not to talk about dealing with someone esle's life and the great amount of effort and commitment needed to be put into a friendship. Unless we are working on something together, it'll be too difficult to find time to meet up. sigh..... Then again, as I look at the brighter side, I realise that the friendship that mian and I share was built mostly out of school time... This is probably why so many people don't realise how close mian and I are and are shocked to find out that we are even close. In fact, they've got it all wrong when they say that I am close to what they term as 'Jia Lin's clique', which consists of JiaLin, Tammy, Qing Yan, Lim Mian, Gene and maybe me? well. I don't even know whether I'm part of the clique. All I know is that I'm closest to Mian and Gene. Tammy and Qing Yan a little close I guess, but I don't even share my feelings with them very much. haha. I guess my definition of 'close' is quite different from what others think. What I mean by 'close' is when the other party gives you emotional support whether he/she is there physically, coz he/she is able to provide you with a sense of security and the knowledge that you can just fall upon him/her even if the whole world is against you. I guess it's just like the way family members feel towards each other - unspoken and unconditional love and care for each other. ok of course we can't expect 100% of that in friendship, but if the friend is really close, surely you'll be able to experience a feeling close to that. sigh. I duno. but I THINK that mian and I share almost such a friendship. like just recently, the week before the HCL 'O' Levels and the week before our exams, we kinda 'needed' each other so badly and yearned for emotional support. Perhaps it's because our revisions were in a rather pathetic stage, we found each other the ideal companions since we were both permanent procrastinators and employed the same studying methods. lol. yeah we did need each other. It came to a point when the other didn't come to school for a day, we could feel a stark sense of loneliness and emptiness coz it seemed like there was no one esle in the school that cared about oneself. hmmm I duno la. as Mian put it, we are able to 'empathise' with each other. LOL. Another aspect of being 'close' is when both parties are able to share with each other almost everything under the sun, while maintaining some sort of respect for each other's privacy when it comes to sensitive matters. ok sounds quite idealistic but I think it's possible. anyway I feel that I am able to (and sometimes even feel that I HAVE to) share with mian all my thoughts and feelings about everything and anything, and share all my happiness and unhappiness with her, even some things about my family that my parents told me not to tell others. (oops =x) I guess she's a really great listener and I appreciate that very much :) sigh. ok now this leads me to my question on whether this friendship is one-sided because I feel that I am usually the 'initiator' in this friendship. Usually, I will be the one who talks a lot while she listens. ok but actually once the conversation gets going, she'll also give a lot of her input. So I 'forgive' her for not 'initiating' and dismiss that as part of her quiet nature. However, last night, I really wanted to find out if that was the case... and yeah I'm relieved to know that she doesn't initiate only because she finds herself in her comfort zone when she just does the listening.. Well, at least it wasn't that she was hiding anything from me or something of that sort... hm.

sigh ok I guess all these questioning and analysing of this piece of precious friendship makes me see that it is indeed worth treasuring and that it is something I must never take for granted. I'm glad we 'clarified' some issues over ice-cream after all =p

haha. alright. time to sleep. It's already 3.12am on 16th Nov. oooh. which reminds me of Harry Potter sneak previews. Perhaps I can get tickets if I'm lucky. haha. ok but most likely I'll be watching next week =p I CAN'T WAIT! :)

~.*hUiYiNg*.~ says Amen. @ | Tuesday, November 15, 2005

~.* Jesus is LOVE *.~